Vending Machine

You get Steve Jobs

I insert a copy of "Battle Rabbit Nightmare", and "Jamaican Wagon - The Lost Levels" ( http://norefuge.net/vgng/vgng.html , have fun :D)
you get freeware games of DOOM!

I put in free ware games of mario
The endless loop of the Mario theme now rings in your ears.

I put in "my love, my anger, and all of my sorrow."
you get...SHINEING...FIIIIIIIIIINGER!! to the face.

I put in a wii and x-box 360
You get lawsuits.

I put in a note saying, "Get Dark to stop shoving various things into people's faces, please."
You get a brick to the face, with a little tag saying "From: dark"

I put in a gladius.
You get that whiny emo emperor from "Gladiator" coming out and RAEGing at you.

I put in... THE COMFY CHAIR.
You get rather a lot of lusty teenage couples trying to sit in it.

I insert a few jazz albums.
The songs on said albums get put on the mp3 player you got earlier.

I put in a letter to Santa questioning the elf labour force he uses.
You get a load of reindeer shit.

I insert a cell phone.

Edit: HAHA that was for Link, but whatever. Link, you're just special.
A hawt female elf comes out.

I put in a recipe... FOR EVIL
You get HEARING AIDS.

I put in my watch. (After taking it off my wrist, of course.)
human hand comes out...bloody...and...alive...

I put in porn
You get a ban

I put in a piece of paper that says pizza is classified as a sandwich.
Common... I actually laughed at your response...

You get nothing, as the machine is baffled. I mean, what the hell, man?

I put in Mozilla Firefox. On fire.
get a phoenix

I put in a june.
You get a trap.

I put in our national debt... of America.
Laughing noises start to come from within. A sticker on the side says, "Made in Canada."

I put in monkey lemon pie.
You get a penny with a frowny face on it.

I put in air.
you get an airblasted brick to the face...is ang in there?

I put in paintballs.