Simple Life

A moderate-sized room comes into view, its contents not too spartan nor too complex. From your perspective, you can see a small table in the room, with a person sitting in a chair near it. The person is currently clicking through whatever is on his monitor, propping his head up with his left hand, looking rather disinterested. You are unsure whether the person is male or female, though you have a pretty good idea that it is the former due to the awesome looks the person has.

You are now this person.

What do you do?

"Oh, I think I need to go to the bathroom"

[Exit room, go to bathroom in order to relieve self]

"I'm bored."

[Rip up textbook and throw paperballs at rubbish bin.]

"Hmmm..."

Action: Play Quake 3 and beat some bitches online.

Action: Eats a muffin.

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"Oh, I think I need to go to the bathroom"

[Exit room, go to bathroom in order to relieve self]

Hmm, you do feel like nature's calling. You exit the room through the only obvious door out of it, and find yourself in a hallway. The bathroom is to the right, as you already full well know. The other paths lead to the first floor to your left, your little sister's room next to the bathroom, and your parents' room at the end of the hallway.





You open the door...





Oh what the hell is that smell.

???: Locate source of malodorous discontent

[Relive self anyway. Flush toilet. Wash hands. Exit. Notify parents of smell in bathroom]

Plunge it!

Hold excrement and complain loudly to parents.

????: Ask Eternalis.EXE what he is doing in the toilet.

Remember that your name is Fridge Largemeat.

Throw a grenade into the toilet.

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???: Locate source of malodorous discontent.

You hold your breath, and peer down the only known source of malodorous discontent in the room. You then wish you hadn't, as the sickly mix of sea green and nasty yellow makes you feel like vomiting. It's kind of uncomfortable, as you don't like vomiting, because vomiting is uncomfortable.

... Wait. What's-



"AAAAAAH"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH"

What-



"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH"

You leap back on instinct, and find yourself facing-



-that. Your mind blanks, disregarding everything but that thing. It's gross to look at, what with all that malodorous whateverspawn on it. It's also um, coming out of that place. So it's- okay you get the point.

What now?

[Summon Avatar to fight in your place. Ability activated due to extreme stress and shock]

????: *HIGH FIVE!*

Prepare your +20 Great Plunger of Garuda and begin an epic battle for bathroom dominance

Quote (Shuryou)

????: *HIGH FIVE!*

(Oh man I chuckled)

???: Take a moment of thought to reflect on what combat prowess you possess

PAUSE
OBSERVE SELF
OBSERVE INVENTORY
OBSERVE EQUIPMENT
OBSERVE ABILITIES
LOOK SELF
LOOK POCKETS
LOOK SKILLS
ME
*plays guess the word*

EDIT: (if inventory is unavailable)
RUN AWAY

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[Summon Avatar to fight in your place. Ability activated due to extreme stress and shock]

You don't know what this "SUMMONING" is, but it sounds like a load of bullshit to you. Maybe you should BELIEVE first.

Quote ()

Prepare your +20 Great Plunger of Garuda and begin an epic battle for bathroom dominance

Wielding the GREAT PLUNGER OF GARUDA +20 requires a rank of A in WEAPON HANDLING: MELEE, which you don't even know yet.

Quote ()

????: *HIGH FIVE!*

The Physical Skill HIGH-FIVE is available only to those with enough in their AWESOME stat. Your AWESOME stat is hidden, but you somehow know that it's way too low for this action.

Quote ()

???: Take a moment of thought to reflect on what combat prowess you possess

You disregard all these stray thoughts and pause for a moment to access your STATUSVENTORIUM.

[PAUSE]

From the STATUSVENTORIUM, you immediately head to the STATUS screen, and access your statistics.



From here, you can see that you are of a Rank F Undefined class, your Health Points are 100, your Action Points are nil. You are of level 1, and you are devoid of Experience Points. Your Offense and Defense in a Physical perspective are of rank D and E respectively. Your Agility is D, your Resistance is C, and your Recovery is D. You are of skill level F in Physical Skills, which means you have no skills at all.



Your inventory is decidedly empty.



Your equipment is spartan. You decide to examine your white shirt for kicks, but you'd rather not do the same for your pants. Understandable, since not many people see giant morbid hands of death spring out of their toilet bowls very often.