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Chaos in the Netsquare
Inept Netpolice Strategist Puts Unoperated Navis in Danger
by Gurta Wurm

It behooves us, the intellectual skeptics of our generation, to look past happy outcomes to what could have been in any given situation. Recently, one of the SPs of DimensionMan, a well known Netpolice Public Safety Division figure, plotted an event in front of an unoperated navi home in Internet City. The event held the ostensible purpose of providing the navis with a motivational, pro-NP speech. However, after doing some digging, I've found evidence conclusive to determine that a second purpose of this venture was to lure out NetMafia operative Idol, who has herself been missing along with her confirmed soldiers, at least one reported dead after the battle. The NetPolice have made no rebuttal, therefore, we can assume that this was indeed the dual intention of the outing.

As if planning the capture of dangerous Mafia operatives in an area populated by unoperated navis wasn't bad enough, other distressing details have emerged since the events occurrence. Witnesses claim that another navi, entirely unaffiliated with the NP, was encouraged to participate in this dangerous operation. In doing so, he was directly involved in killing one of the unoperated Mafia targets. Is this a case of a concerned citizen providing Netpolice cooperation, or should we start worrying that the NP is turning the very neutral citizens they've sworn to protect into battle-hardened killers and mercenaries? Only time will tell.

Two Civilian Navis Recall Mafia Attack
Netpolice Protection Inadequate to Repel Mafia Attacker
bu Gurta Wurm

This is breaking news, guys: you heard it here first. The Brass Guard, a so-called "elite" task squad assembled by officer BrassMan, is now short one member. I managed to get a hold of two civilian navis who were involved in the attack of Brass Guard CarriageMan by an unknown Mafia recruiter. The two navis found their lives in danger during this horrifying encounter with a powerful enemy.

So what's the "kicker?" To save these two navis, rather than laying down his life in their defense or reasonably summoning more of his allies, he proceeded to load the two into a small horse carriage and kick them down a hill. The two report that without their consent, they were sent flying, barely staying in the carriage for a short roll before falling out and tumbling down the hill, sustaining minor injuries. The two navis then took to their feet and escaped being caught by the Mafia recruiter. In the mean time, the recruiter killed CarriageMan in what seems to have been a short battle.

The Netpolice's boldest and best, resorting to tactics like this? Just how safe can we really feel with these washouts as our protectors?

Mafia Santa Delivers Joy to Navis Without Operators
Authorities Baffled
by Gurta Wurm

Unoperated navis in homeless shelters all around the net are beginning to anticipate visits by the Mafia Santa Clause, an anonymous navi that gives gifts to those navis who would normally live a monotonous life of unoperated lethargy without netbattles, virus busting, or rewards. These gifts include one-of-a-kind, expertly articulated toys and other goods related to the mafia and are, by witness accounts, delivered with a smile. Many of the recipients remarked that the visitor was "like an angel" and was easy to talk to, but swore them to secrecy.

What is the Netpolice's response to this good-willed mafioso's generosity? According to my research, Netpolice stake-outs have begun to try to capture her! Netpolice sympathizer Donald Murdoc recently reported that the NP would not be undergoing any operations to support the navi shelters. Now we know, from this new action, that not only are they not planning to support all of you unoperated navis, but they're going to work to take away the one beacon of hope you had in your dismal lives at these shelters. God bless the Netpolice!
I... well gee... wait a second, sorry about that. These articles rather caught me off guard! Well as for the first article, I don't know if I can see such a hot shot Netpolice officer like the Great Dimension Man doing something that would endanger others... but then again, choices DO have consequences... I believe it had to be done, myself. Second article... well... Netpolice I guess aren't all bastions of peace... and number three... I guess I'm not really sure myself! I actually didn't think Electopia would have such celebratory rituals!

- Polonius Carbonium

The third article seems more like a joke than anything else. I'd like to see sources on that, if possible.

I also find it hard to believe anyone who can't properly spell the word "suck" and carelessly trips the BBS's word filter. Just a thought.

~Duke Rigel
You certainly have a way with wordplay, Mr. Wurm. I applaud you.

First article: Dear, dear. Battle-hardened Navis? How terrible for all those virus swarms crawling the networks. We should give them a home too.
Second article: Heroics are quite horrendous, aren't they, Mr. Wurm? Self-sacrifice in the face of certain death is certainly quite worthy of blasphemy.
Third article: Wow, research. I do agree with Mr. Rigel, I don't doubt the credibility of your sources at all.

That's all I have to say for now. Hope you have a good day, Mr. Wurm.

- Harke Ezarith
Ah, I had a good laugh at this one. Thanks, I'd been feeling rather stressed lately.
Regardless, your articles lack credibility. I could write an article about how the moon people are going to come to Earth just for the privilege of eliminating shoeless orphans, but without a reliable source of information that can be readily verified, my story holds no credibility.
I can safely say that not all NetPolice officers are the guardian angels of the net. As a former police officer back in the day, I've worked with NPs in few of my cases, each one of them having completely different personality and ideals. However, this may apply for the NetMafias as well. Some may actually have the heart to help others in need, as shown in the third article...which I'm having hard time to believe, while others played the role of the treacherous 'Mafia Badguys' perfectly.

Quick to the point; The actions of a single NP/NM doesn't solidify the entire group's ideal.

-Marius Eirenikos
I like to think of it more of a grey and grey morality myself mister Eirenikos.

- Polonius Carbonium
Oh look, one of my faithful readers doesn't seem to understand the concept of me running a subscription newsletter. You all should be thankful, huh? Normally people pay to read this stuff and here you are, getting to for free! I don't normally throw many bones to my adoring public, but I'll give you guys a free response session out of the generosity of my heart.

First of all, I have a sizable reader base, and I assure you folks they don't all run around with irresponsible behavior like this. Even the best writers likely have some poor neggs supporting them that don't even bother to check their spelling when they post articles of tremendous social significance. I wouldn't even be surprised if it was one of those NP shlubs trying to make me look bad.

Mr. Polonius, you would be amazed the kinds of things this dunderhead, this grinning hyena, this absolute moron and disgrace to justice DimensionMan gets away with on a regular basis. He's been captured by the Mafia before during one of his own demonstrations! Think: this is just the slip-up that I've managed to get reported. What kinds of other ludicrous stupidity is this guy up to? I can only imagine.

Second, Rigel: how the hell am I supposed to provide you sources on hearsay? Oh sure, let me go look in my big phone book of unoperated navis in homeless shelters! Hey pea-brain: nobody keeps track of these guys. Believe me or not, I don't care, but why do you think the NP are stepping up watch around unoperated navis? They don't have anything to get out of it from just protecting those guys. No, they're laying traps for ol Santie Clause and other Mafia recruiters that would, in many cases, rid these navis of their condition of poverty if allowed.

Hey, Ezarith: we're not talkin' about viruses. They had that civilian KILL a navi. You ever done that before? Watched a navi, same emotions and worth of life as your very own, permanently fizzle in front of your very eyes? Chances are you haven't. We're not talking EJO here: that guy was dead. I just feel sorry for the poor shlub they tricked into doing it; he has to live with it, after all. Next, what's "heroic" about kicking two civilian navis down a hill in a horse carriage? Wouldn't you prefer, oh, I dunno, a police force that was confident enough in its abilities to actually apprehend the criminals? Jesus Christ, the brain on you!

What, you guys all keep harping on credibility? If I didn't have sources, you really think you guys'd be the ones to notice it? Please. You're mooks. You're common men. We in the journalistic business are in a sphere you guys can't understand! Come back to me when you make something of yourselves and then challenge my credibility.

See, Eirenikos (no idea how you'd pronounce that, God bless you) has the right idea. You shmucks are tricked into thinking this is all black and white! You think that the NP are your saviors from heaven and the mafia are the boogeymen. Here's the lowdown: roles are reversing. The NP is weak, they're stupid, they're running around like chickens with their heads cut off. Furthermore, they're corrupt, as you'd see if you subscribed to my newsletter. The mafia are gradually becoming advocates of people's rights, even if not all of them are there yet. I have a hunch, just a hunch, that soon we're going to live in a much different world and people are going to wish they hadn't thrown the NP quite as much of their blind, slobbering, dog-like loyalties.

You're all wonderful people, thanks for reading.
-Gurta Wurm
Well I wouldn't go that far but no one's perfect. Then again people have their own biases and experiences. I myself wish to try helping out these less unfortunate navis with free checkups. Health care's always such a complex issue at times! Yet I've heard quite worse myself.

- Polonius
Well, I don't feel like debating, but I do want to say some stuff. Which can be said as debating.

Let's consider the CarriageMan situation. Now, a Navi would not be deleted, usually, unless there is a factor blocking the EJO, say, a jack-out barrier. If I'm correct, CarriageMan was deleted. Therefore, there was a jack-out barrier somewhere in the vicinity.

Now, consider, if you had a jack-out barrier preventing your EJO, would you stay for re-inforcements? Uh, no. I would get the hell out of there, and try to defend myself doing it. That was NOT was CarriageMan did, he chose to stay and defend the others while he got them to safety. I do admit that the ride's bumpy, but would you have suspension over death?

On the point of credibility, I might just hint out that there is no real truth to whatever anyone's saying, whether they be NP or NM. The mafiose you're talking about may be a real guy, a made-up jack, whatever. The Worm's sources may be rock-solid, or jello. There's always room for a skeptic, my writer friend.

I may be picking up a subscription of the Worm later. Although, I might suggest that you get something less of a turn-off of a name? It's kind of gross to think of news as a worm.

- Harke Ezarith

(PS: If you do want to slander for something, I'd rather have someone get the title in a more intellectual tone than 'NETPOLICE SUKC'. People, y'know, get turned off by this kind of stuff. The spellcheck is your friend. Maybe something along the lines of 'THE DARK SIDE OF THE NETPOLICE' or something.)
Oof. I think I actually got a little cut from that rapier wit on your side.

In any case, I don't ever recall saying that it's black and white, in fact, I offered no opinion on this situation other than questioning the credibility of some of the stories. And while it's true that there very well may be corruption in the ranks, this level of bias in your journalism is just distasteful.

And before the inevitable response to that previous comment, yes, it's virtually impossible to create unbiased journalism, but it's just how skewed you've represented the facts at hand. I'd go so far as to say that hate such as this would damage the Mafia's credibility more than build it.

-Shigeru Yamada
I harp on credibility because anyone can write anything and claim that it's true. If they don't have some form of proof then there's no reason to believe it, especially when the writer in question responds to such a request rudely or angrily. Now, I don't care much about whether the Netpolice is setting up watches around unoperated navis or no. They could be protecting them, they could be suspicious an incident like seven years ago is about to happen again...hell, they could just be researching how they behave or something. Or they could be, as you claim, setting up traps for your "Santa clause" navi. It doesn't matter to me. But until this...article...I haven't heard anything about a "Mafia Santa Clause", much less NetPolice response to it.

Also, you ask how you're supposed to provide sources? You mentioned research. Your research. That tends to include sources.

~Duke Rigel

(P.S. This entire topic reeks of advertising.)
I've got four words for you:
Don't feed the troll

-Chris Harper

You have shown me the light, Harper. It makes me emit manly tears.

- Harke Ezarith
... I can't tell if your serious or not.
But seriously, this guy reeks of troll. Not just the original poster, but this Wurm person. It's like he just posted with a fake account to "let this slip", so people'd get all upset over it, so they'd rush out to buy this publication to find out what other slanderous things he's written.
And before you say "no person would buy something that pisses them off", you'd be surprised how well this works.