The collective writings of Robert
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RANT 1: Thanksgiving
I feel sorry for Great Britain. They have no thanksgiving.
We should give them a thanksgiving.
We can bomb them every day for an entire year. Except for one day, we don't bomb them for 1 day. That day, they will be thankful for not being bombed, and that will become their thanksgiving.
Or it might become "Bomb America Back" day.
I feel sorry for Great Britain. They have no thanksgiving.
We should give them a thanksgiving.
We can bomb them every day for an entire year. Except for one day, we don't bomb them for 1 day. That day, they will be thankful for not being bombed, and that will become their thanksgiving.
Or it might become "Bomb America Back" day.
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RANT 2: Beef Days
Vegetarians can have celebrations for their lack of meat, why can I not have a BEEF celebration?
An entire day-NO, week- NAY, MONTH, dedicated to the joy of eating beef. Every week, I could slaughter another cow, use its hide to make various expensive leather items, and sell them as stolen goods at the flea market, and eat all the meat.
Oooh.... I love meat. Just thinking about it makes me happy.
I love it so much, I'm gonna open a beef orchard. Yes, that's right. An orchard. I will genetically enhance apple trees to grow BEEF instead of apples. Oh, think of the possibilities...
Then I could get into weird combinations of meat, like BORK (beef + pork) or cheef (beef-flavored chicken). We could have an endless supply of meat for Beef month.
Hell, why stop there? EVERY month could be Beef month! We could genetically enhance OURSELVES go grow meat, like a tree! I wouldn't have to wait to get home to eat meat, I could just peel it off of myself and bam! Instant ham sandwich. Or I could pick the Beefles (beef-apples) that would grow forth from my head like beans, and eat those. Of course, it would come pre-cooked, because meat's always better when it doesn't give you E. Coli.
i could open a store to sell these Beefles while i work on gene-therapy to replace the skin growing genes with beef growing ones. the store could be called "BEEFLAND". I could have all sorts of products, not just food. Like.... well... forks and plates made from beef, so you don't have to clean up, just eat them. Oh, and beef-flavored gum, for when you can't actually eat meat.
Every Friday, we would have a live calf slaughtering in the main department. First 20 people get dibs on whatever parts they want. The rest would be packaged for sale.
I guess I could carry beef substitutes for those vegan- eh, who am I kidding. I would shoot whoever I see pick up the beef substitute on sight. I mean, it's just not the same. I've tried those fake burgers before. Tofu can suck my ass.
I hate people that eat tofu. It's so bland. I mean, if God didn't want us to eat animals, they'd be made out of rubber. Or tofu. Why do they condone the consumption of plants, but not animals? Plants are alive to... they have feelings, we just can't see them.
We should hold an anti-plant eating campaign. It's cruel to waste so many helpless plants. At least the animals have a chance to fight back when we kill them, I would know. I've had my share of hooves to the face, and being kicked in the nuts while the virgin fights to get free... but that's a different kind of slaughtering, which I won't get into here.
Vegetarians can have celebrations for their lack of meat, why can I not have a BEEF celebration?
An entire day-NO, week- NAY, MONTH, dedicated to the joy of eating beef. Every week, I could slaughter another cow, use its hide to make various expensive leather items, and sell them as stolen goods at the flea market, and eat all the meat.
Oooh.... I love meat. Just thinking about it makes me happy.
I love it so much, I'm gonna open a beef orchard. Yes, that's right. An orchard. I will genetically enhance apple trees to grow BEEF instead of apples. Oh, think of the possibilities...
Then I could get into weird combinations of meat, like BORK (beef + pork) or cheef (beef-flavored chicken). We could have an endless supply of meat for Beef month.
Hell, why stop there? EVERY month could be Beef month! We could genetically enhance OURSELVES go grow meat, like a tree! I wouldn't have to wait to get home to eat meat, I could just peel it off of myself and bam! Instant ham sandwich. Or I could pick the Beefles (beef-apples) that would grow forth from my head like beans, and eat those. Of course, it would come pre-cooked, because meat's always better when it doesn't give you E. Coli.
i could open a store to sell these Beefles while i work on gene-therapy to replace the skin growing genes with beef growing ones. the store could be called "BEEFLAND". I could have all sorts of products, not just food. Like.... well... forks and plates made from beef, so you don't have to clean up, just eat them. Oh, and beef-flavored gum, for when you can't actually eat meat.
Every Friday, we would have a live calf slaughtering in the main department. First 20 people get dibs on whatever parts they want. The rest would be packaged for sale.
I guess I could carry beef substitutes for those vegan- eh, who am I kidding. I would shoot whoever I see pick up the beef substitute on sight. I mean, it's just not the same. I've tried those fake burgers before. Tofu can suck my ass.
I hate people that eat tofu. It's so bland. I mean, if God didn't want us to eat animals, they'd be made out of rubber. Or tofu. Why do they condone the consumption of plants, but not animals? Plants are alive to... they have feelings, we just can't see them.
We should hold an anti-plant eating campaign. It's cruel to waste so many helpless plants. At least the animals have a chance to fight back when we kill them, I would know. I've had my share of hooves to the face, and being kicked in the nuts while the virgin fights to get free... but that's a different kind of slaughtering, which I won't get into here.
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I think you just earned ANOTHER lifetime's supply of my cookies.
That's right; when you get reincarnated, YOU STILL FUCKING GET MY COOKIES.
=D
Dude, the beef one is amazing. I'm totally being his assistant on that.
That's right; when you get reincarnated, YOU STILL FUCKING GET MY COOKIES.
=D
Dude, the beef one is amazing. I'm totally being his assistant on that.
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My friend Robert IS still around, you know. I just don't talk to him much lately, mostly because the last time I hung out with him, he spent four hours talking about how he was gonna punch my balls so hard I wouldn't feel it until one year and nine months later.
Wait... OH FU...
Wait... OH FU...
