The following is something I found on facebook and found to be rather funny. And sadly, at least partly true. So, know that I didn't come up with it, I just think its funny and should be brought here and perhaps discussed amongst all of you crazy people.
EDIT: We're now adding in our own ideas to this. If you have a good one, post it and maybe it'll get added.
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NEW PREAMBLE TO THE CONSTITUTION
The following has been attributed to State Representative Mitchell Aye from GA. This guy should run for President one day...
"We the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior, and secure the blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great- grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt ridden, delusional, and other Liberal bed-wetters.
We hold these truths to be self evident: that a whole lot of people are confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim they require a Bill of NON-Rights."
ARTICLE I:
You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV, or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but No one is guaranteeing anything.
ARTICLE II:
You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is Based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone -- not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc.; But the world is full of idiots, and probably always will be.
ARTICLE III:
You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful, do not expect the tool Manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently wealthy.
ARTICLE IV:
You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the Creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes. (This one is my pet peeve...get an education and go to work .. don't expect everyone else to take care of you!)
ARTICLE V:
You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but from the looks of public housing, we're just not interested in public health care.
ARTICLE VI:
You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim, or kill someone, don't be surprised if the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair.
ARTICLE VII:
You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat, or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you still won't have the right to a big screen color TV or a life of leisure.
ARTICLE VIII:
You do not have the right to a job. All of us sure want you to have a job, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful. (AMEN!)
ARTICLE IX:
You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you have the right to PURSUE happiness, which by the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an over abundance of idiotic laws created by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights.
ARTICLE X:
This is an English speaking country. We don't care where you are from, English is our language. Learn it or go back to wherever you came from! (lastly....)
ARTICLE XI:
You do not have the right to change our country's history or heritage. This country was founded on the belief in God. And yet, you are given the freedom to believe in any religion, any faith, or no faith at all; with no fear of persecution. The phrase IN GOD WE TRUST is part of our heritage and history, and if you are uncomfortable with it, TOUGH!!!!
ARTICLE XII:
You do not have the right to an accident-free life. A broken arm caused by you ignoring the "slippery floor" sign is not the responsibility of the supermarket. Crashing your vehicle is not the responsibility of whoever sold you the coffee that you spilled in your lap. Nor the person who created cruise control which you thought actually steered the motorhome while you went to make coffee. And nor the person who's vehicle you stole from a midas parking lot while they were waiting to get the brakes fixed. Children born with birth defects are not the responsibility of the doctor of hospital. Should you break this non-right and do something like sue a doctor because your child was stillborn, the government reserves the right to hunt you and your lawyer down and kill you.
} End Quotage
The Bill of NON-Rights
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*JUMPS UP AND FRIGGIN CHEERS!!!!*
(a while later... after I've calmed down...)
You, sir, have just made my day.
(a while later... after I've calmed down...)
You, sir, have just made my day.
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Silly, silly Americans. We Canadians are so much more civilized than you gunslingers.
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I'm civilized and a gunsliger. =D
Well, on this RP, at least. XD
Anyway, that's awesome. It amazes me how many people act like total jerks thinking they're entitled to such-and-such (while, perplexingly, the victim is not.)
It's a shame that something like this will never get into any part of Congress, since it's not what people like to hear. A bill saying "The USA is great and cool" would get passed, just 'cause.
Same goes for Canada, so don't think I'm bashing Americans.
Well, on this RP, at least. XD
Anyway, that's awesome. It amazes me how many people act like total jerks thinking they're entitled to such-and-such (while, perplexingly, the victim is not.)
It's a shame that something like this will never get into any part of Congress, since it's not what people like to hear. A bill saying "The USA is great and cool" would get passed, just 'cause.
Same goes for Canada, so don't think I'm bashing Americans.
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I have now dabbled in 4 different almost totally useless combat forms and combat sports. *sadness*
Fencing, Wrestling, Judo, and Karate. On the upside, the terms uke and seme now officially apply to me, since I'm doing Judo.
This bill is great! It covers every non-right I can possibly think of, and introducing it would fix so many problems.
I've heard it said that freedom of religion and freedom from religion aren't in the Constitution. I should look it up. OH WAIT.
http://z10.invisionfree.com/RockmanChaosNe...E=02&f=8&t=1264
[insert temper tantrum here.]
I have a devoutly Protestant friend. She's very nice. She's also impossible.
I've said before that Val-or-Leon here stands as one of my favorite devout Christians.
EDIT: Oh! I have another to add.
You do not have the right to an accident-free life. A broken arm caused by you ignoring the "slippery floor" sign is not the responsibility of the supermarket. Crashing your car is not the responsibility of whoever sold you the coffee that you spilled in your lap. Children born with birth defects are not the responsibility of the doctor of hospital. Should you break this non-right and do something like sue a doctor because your child was stillborn, the government reserves the right to hunt you and your lawyer down and kill you.
Fencing, Wrestling, Judo, and Karate. On the upside, the terms uke and seme now officially apply to me, since I'm doing Judo.
This bill is great! It covers every non-right I can possibly think of, and introducing it would fix so many problems.
I've heard it said that freedom of religion and freedom from religion aren't in the Constitution. I should look it up. OH WAIT.
http://z10.invisionfree.com/RockmanChaosNe...E=02&f=8&t=1264
[insert temper tantrum here.]
I have a devoutly Protestant friend. She's very nice. She's also impossible.
I've said before that Val-or-Leon here stands as one of my favorite devout Christians.
EDIT: Oh! I have another to add.
You do not have the right to an accident-free life. A broken arm caused by you ignoring the "slippery floor" sign is not the responsibility of the supermarket. Crashing your car is not the responsibility of whoever sold you the coffee that you spilled in your lap. Children born with birth defects are not the responsibility of the doctor of hospital. Should you break this non-right and do something like sue a doctor because your child was stillborn, the government reserves the right to hunt you and your lawyer down and kill you.
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Quote (Kazuhiro)
I've said before that Val-or-Leon here stands as one of my favorite devout Christians.
You do not have the right to an accident-free life. A broken arm caused by you ignoring the "slippery floor" sign is not the responsibility of the supermarket. Crashing your car is not the responsibility of whoever sold you the coffee that you spilled in your lap. Children born with birth defects are not the responsibility of the doctor of hospital. Should you break this non-right and do something like sue a doctor because your child was stillborn, the government reserves the right to hunt you and your lawyer down and kill you.
Haha, if you only knew, friend. I haven't been to church for almost a year now. First I was busy with school. Then I got emo cause of my failed relationship so I was sulking. And now I have SAD and a car I don't trust to get me to and fro. Needless to say, I'm no where near as good of a christian as I was, say, two years ago. Really need to work on that -dies-
And I have something to add to your addition.
You do not have the right to an accident-free life. A broken arm caused by you ignoring the "slippery floor" sign is not the responsibility of the supermarket. Crashing your vehicle is not the responsibility of whoever sold you the coffee that you spilled in your lap. Nor the person who created cruise control which you thought actually steered the motorhome while you went to make coffee. And nor the person who's vehicle you stole from a midas parking lot while they were waiting to get the brakes fixed. Children born with birth defects are not the responsibility of the doctor of hospital. Should you break this non-right and do something like sue a doctor because your child was stillborn, the government reserves the right to hunt you and your lawyer down and kill you.
All of those are, sadly, true lawsuits. Which, if I recall correctly, the morons won.
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Hm.
It scares me that someone can win a lawsuit like that, even though it was the result of ill-concieved and very illegal activity on their part.
Come on, men, let's make absolutely everything safe! Not just for regular law-abiding citizens, but criminals and idiots without common sense too!
Get rid of the barbed wire on those fences! If someone tresspassed on private property, that could hurt them!
Let's install E-Z Hotwire switches on cars, to reduce the risk of electrocution while carjacking!
Drain the ponds in winter, so people won't drown or freeze even if they don't read the THIN ICE signs posted every ten feet!
Put mattresses between buildings, so that people jumping from one high-rise to another won't be hurt if they fall!
Come on, men, elections are but one year away!
...
If a child puts his hand on an oven burner, he is burned. The pain lets him know that it was a really stupid thing to do, and he resolves not to do a dumbass thing like that ever again.
If an adult puts his hand on an oven burner, he is burned. The pain lets him know that it was obviously no fault of his, and indicates a huge oversight on the part of the oven's manufacturer for making burners hot in the first place. He then goes on his way, having learned nothing.
It scares me that someone can win a lawsuit like that, even though it was the result of ill-concieved and very illegal activity on their part.
Come on, men, let's make absolutely everything safe! Not just for regular law-abiding citizens, but criminals and idiots without common sense too!
Get rid of the barbed wire on those fences! If someone tresspassed on private property, that could hurt them!
Let's install E-Z Hotwire switches on cars, to reduce the risk of electrocution while carjacking!
Drain the ponds in winter, so people won't drown or freeze even if they don't read the THIN ICE signs posted every ten feet!
Put mattresses between buildings, so that people jumping from one high-rise to another won't be hurt if they fall!
Come on, men, elections are but one year away!
...
If a child puts his hand on an oven burner, he is burned. The pain lets him know that it was a really stupid thing to do, and he resolves not to do a dumbass thing like that ever again.
If an adult puts his hand on an oven burner, he is burned. The pain lets him know that it was obviously no fault of his, and indicates a huge oversight on the part of the oven's manufacturer for making burners hot in the first place. He then goes on his way, having learned nothing.