Speak Your Mind

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You're complaining about Falcon's Final Smash?

    Jesus Christ, are you a fucking idiot? It's just as...no, MORE superior than his Falcon Punch.

    He's not just punching you. No, that'd be too nice of a fate for you. No, he gets into his car, RUNS YOU THE FUCK OVER, and leaves you in the middle of the fucking street. You're bruised, bones broken, bleeding. You hear him speed off, and whimper as you lay there on the asphalt in immense pain. Time goes by, and as you try to move you hear the sound of an engine over the horizon. Joy fills your heart as you think it's a kind samaritan, come to your aid. You struggle to your feet to flag the driver down, but your joy soon turns to utter. Fucking. Terror. For as the roar of the engine rises over the hill, that glint of blue fills your vision.

    It's Captain Fucking Falcon.

    And he's heading right fucking for you.

    You quickly try to hobble out of his path, but he's too quick, his car swerving to stay in line with you. As he draws nearer and nearer, you hear his maniacal laughter, further driving that spike of sheer absolute fear into your heart. Right before the moment of impact, you hear him yell out, "SHOW ME YA MOVES!"

    AND THEN HE FUCKING RUNS YOU OVER. AGAIN. JESUS FUCK.

    No, it's not enough that you get run over once. He does it TWICE. To make SURE that you're dead. Now you're on the brink of death, Captain Falcon is laughing into the breeze as he speeds away back to the battle, as you lay there in a gory pile of split flesh, and shattered bones, tire tracks left over your body. Yes. Tire tracks.

    CAPTAIN FALCON IS SO FUCKING BADASS THAT WHEN HE RUNS YOU OVER, HE LEAVES GODDAMN TIRE TREADS EVEN THOUGH HIS FUCKING CAR HAS NO. FUCKING. TIRES.

    FUCK.

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>>  Anonymous 08/03/02(Sun)18:28 No. 92767

    Captain Falcon really is my hero. He is a character that suits me perfectly, he is so ridiculously over the top it's not even funny. Here's a brief description of a new game intro he SHOULD have:

    The camera shows Captain Falcon many miles above the stage, falling at a rapid speed, while playing a flaming guitar with his teeth. He gets bored and throws the guitar at a nearby mountain, causing the mountain to explode. Only instead of debris, pornography comes flying out of the explosion, which Captain Falcon looks at while eating raw meat, drinking beer, and flexing his biceps.

    He gets bored with the pornography, so he destroys it all with his chest hair, which he can grow at will. He finishes his raw meat and beer, so he eats the beer glass, like a real man. He still has quite a long way to go before he crashes into the stage, so he starts striking manly poses, while shooting bullets out of his iron nipples. These bullets explode upon impact with the ground, launching a flaming truck into the air, straight towards Captain Falcon, who slices it in half before it can reach him with the force created by him flexing his pecks.

    As he passes the gas tank, which became detached, he falcon punches it causing it to explode with the force of a nuclear warhead. This propels Captain Falcon towards the stage at an incredible speed.

    Captain Falcon crashes into the stage with a pelvic thrust, done at near the speed of light. He climbs out of the crater he created, and flexes every muscle in his body at the same time. The incredible force created by this kills everyone within a 500 mile radius, and every female in the universe climaxes.

>>  Anonymous 08/03/02(Sun)18:29 No. 92772

    I want Captain Falcon's final smash to be an epic Falcon Punch. One that's accompanied by a thirty minute fully animated feature that has the budget of the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy put together times 2.
    The animation shows Falcon growing up, learning from his mentor how to be a strong fighter and to fight for what's right. Then, it shows whoever the opponent or opponents are show up and kill all of Falcon's friends and family. From there, things kick back into real time, and it shows tears streaming down Falcon's face as his mask explodes. He begins charging his punch, and in the background, images of his fallen friends and family and cheering him on.
    Then, he unleashes it. A Falcon Punch so powerful, that you have to drop your controller because it's shaking so hard. Your sound system explodes, no matter how high end it is. The last thing you see before your TV screen explodes is the enemy turn to dust as they are hit by a flaming falcon the size of the moon.