Fun things to do at Wal-Mart

Feel free to add to this:

1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them
and stranding them at strategic locations.

2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.

3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten-minute intervals
throughout the day.

4. Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get to

5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the
spray air fresheners.

6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift-wrap.

7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.

8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.

9. When there are people behind you, walk really slowly,
especially in thin aisles.

10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I
think we've got a code 3 in housewares," and see what happens.

11. Turn all the radios to polka stations; then turn them off
and turn the volume up to full blast.

12. Play with the automatic doors.

13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi. I haven't seen
you in so long." etc. See if they play along.

14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself
loud enough for all to hear, "Who buys this crap anyway?!"

15. Repeat #14 in the jewelry and country cd's department.

16. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you are
taking it for a test drive.

17. Follow people through the aisles, staying about 5 feet
behind them. Do this until they leave the store.

18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store
as your playing field.

19. As the cashier runs your purchase over the scanner, look
mesmerized and say, "Wow, magic!"

20. Take off your shoes and tell them you want to return it and
when they say you didn't buy it there say "Hmmmm....I thought
the customer was always right!"

21. Move "Caution : Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.

22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you
will only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.

23. Test the fishing rods and see what you can catch from other

24. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.

25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying,
"I'm Batman. Come Robin, to the Batcave." (Something Hermes would do, no offense.)

26. TP as much of the store as possible.

27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.

28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello"
upside down.

29. When someone asks you if you need help, begin to cry and
say, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"

30. When 2 or 3 people are walking ahead of you, run between
them yelling "Red Rover."

31. Make up nonsense products and ask employees if there are any
in stock. (i.e.: Shnerples)

32. Take up an entire aisle in toys by setting up a full-scale
battle with G.I. Joe vs. X-men.

33. Take bets on the battle from above.

34. Test the brushes and combs in cosmetics.

35. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask
the clerk where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as

36. Hold indoor shopping cart races.

37. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from
Mission Impossible.

38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.

39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.

40. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to
your Twinkies."

41. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.

42. Two words: Marco Polo.

43. Leave Cheerios in lawn and garden, pillows in the pet
section, etc.

44. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's.

45. In the auto department, practice your Madonna look with
various funnels.

46. When someone steps away from his or her cart to look at
something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.

47. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.

48. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, drop to
your knees and scream, "No, no, its those voices again."

49. Pay off layaways 50 cents at a time.

50. Drag a lounge chair over to the magazines and relax. Go to
the food court, buy a drink, and explain that you don't get out
much and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.

51. Try to hold up customers with the toy guns. See how much you
can make.

52. Plant condoms in a old people(s) cart when they aren't looking, then watch the clerk's face while he/she checks out.

53. Find a hand sized ball shaped item, hide in an isle, throw it into the next isle (making sure it's kinda visible and a cluster of people are in the next isle) and yell "INCOMING." See if people start ducking down.

54. Find and buy a chainsaw, a hoe, a shovel, a wheelbarrel kit, a box of condoms, and a pack of KY Jelly. See how many weird looks you can get.

55. Place condoms, bras, or panties in the Kids Section.

56. Have shopping cart races outside the building.

57. Yell "50 CENT IS OVERRATED" in the electronics department. Watch your back if you pissed off some people.

58. *repeat #57 with Anna Nicole Smith instead*


1. Attempt to do all of the above in the same visit, without getting kicked out.
59. Stand right next to people, peering at them with a fake, toy telescope. Violently scribble on a note pad, then walk away, looking back at them.

60. Put on some shades, and grab a hairdryer. Point the hairdryer at karts that go by. If its going fast, tell them to pull over. And pretend to check the kart, then let them go.

61. Take the "Sorry this lane is closed" sign off, and stand behind the counter. When people come up and ask if you work here, smile and say, "No sir." The frown slightly and say, "IT just makes me happy to remember whn I had a job..." and start crying.
62. Put on plays using the clothing racks as actors.

63. Juggle anything you can find.

64. Rip a doll's head off, then fall to your knees, crying "My baby! My baby!"

65. Fully outfit yourself in armor and weaponry with things from the sporting goods department. A bag of golf clubs can be a scabbard, an umpire's outfit can be leather armor, and so on. Once you are fully outfitted in your new arsenal, run through the aisles, screaming things such as "For great justice!" and "To Camelot!"

66. Dress like Satan and walk the aisles, laughing maniacally whenever you encounter someone.

67. Stare intently at the TV display in the electrnics department. As soon as someone nears, leap from your seat, cry ecstatically, and start shaking them, babbling with joy.
68. Have 3-4 of your friends and have them wear all black sweater and pants and a paintball mask (Also black). Go to Wal-Mart and walk around everywhere normal (As in, NOT THE WEAPON SECTION) and window shop everywhere. If a worker comes to you, take of your mask and give them a serious look and put it back on.
69. Play all of the video game demos...again. And again. And again.
For 8 hours straight. Ignoring anyone who comes by.
70. Hide all items that are sought after...I.E., a Wii, in a different section. Like bras.
71. Look at the backs of videos, and pretend to drool and snicker. See how many people stare.