Clarence Gupta's Antique TV Net

"Don't be a di-" the voice started to respond to ZephyrMan, then corrected itself with a deep cough. "That is, remember that I am here to instruct you towards the realization of lost arts. I am the only one with this knowledge and the only one who can teach the two of you. If the instructions seem strange, I can only apologize, but cannot alter them. It is important that we focus upon the task at hand and, as such, we should maintain impersonal relationships with one another."

Seer didn't respond one way or the other, as she was conflicted, perhaps like ZephyrMan himself would be. She wanted to perform the ritual to the letter, but she also had misgivings about the esoteric (and annoying) nature of the instructions.

The voice went away for a while as Seer jumped rope and ZephyrMan recorded, both performing their jobs adequately. When ZephyrMan raised a complaint with his dismissal of the proposed link between exercise and magic practice, the voice let out a short huff, scoffing at his question. "I say, and I'm the instructor to the ancient lost art of net magic, remember?" it answered, now sounding petty and sarcastic rather than majestic and authoritative. "Spiritual meditation is completely different from what we're doing here. I said 'attune your mind' and so forth earlier, but don't try to compare yoga to what we're doing here. That is a physical exercise. Ours is not a physical or mental exercise, but rather, a new form that reaches beyond the very fabric of our biology into a realm beyond understanding... Not into your body, your mind, your thoughts, your heart, or even your essence... but into another world in which we do not yet exist!"

"I have a question, then! Who are you?" Seer asked, keeping her speech short since she was also jumping rope.

"Me? I am the navi of the great magician. I'm the one you came in to learn from. He was the master of magic on the outside, and similarly, I am a master of the net format of this ritual. I have no name, nor do I have any form. I am a being who is, himself... magical," the voice finished, embellishing the last part of the speech with a flourish that should have sounded cool, but actually came off as cheesy given the context. "Your mind has wandered. You are not focusing on the task at hand. This is where the alternate functionality of that tool you now hold comes into play. It is unfortunate that we have to resort to that, but I'm afraid we must... for the sanctity of the ritual."

Seer didn't seem particularly worried, partially because the speech was so confusing that it was hard for her to grasp what he was saying. She continued jumping rope.

"Please, cease jumping the rope and stand still. Give the tool over to the magician."

She stopped, breathing heavily and looking exhausted now, both with the ritual and the instructor. She closed her eyes and placed her hands on her thighs while she caught her breath.

"Magician. I want you to now follow the following steps using that tool, which are necessary to recover the sacred, undefiled nature of this ritual. Take notes if you need to. First off, twist each knob at the weighted ends of the rope... this will release a segment, from which you will withdraw more ropes." If he did so, he would indeed find such implements. "Next, I wish for you to use the smaller lengths of rope to tightly bind the hands, behind the back, and also feet of the assistant."

Seer looked alarmed now, which made sense, but did not protest, which perhaps made less sense. Her look of surprise turned to shame for having led the ritual astray.

"If you have difficulty performing these steps, due to a lack of knowledge on how to tie the knots, please let me know and I will provide more detailed instructions. Once her hands and feet are bound, use the single, longest length of rope to tie the body tightly. Cross the chest twice over each shoulder, then pull up betwixt the thighs and circle again, to create a vertical line up the body. Continue again down the back and gather a loop... then encircle it beneath the breasts, then again in the opposite orientation. Finish by tying any remaining lengths of the rope around the wrists."

"Please, Teacher... I know it's not my place to second guess you, but I have studied magic my entire life and my one goal is to further my understanding of magic on the net!" Seer protested, as this was all sounding rather uncomfortable.

"Then please, allow the magician to follow my instructions and do not interfere," the voice in the sky rebutted impatiently. "You should do that if you're devoted to our cause."

"Yes, but, my point is that I am already as focused as possible on the task at hand! If the goal of the bondage is to punish me and set my mind straight, there's no need, as my mind is singularly focused on-"

"It's not bondage!" the voice boomed, again sounding very defensive. "This is not bondage. It's an important ritual methodology that must not be rejected, tampered with, nor may be allowed to deviate in any way from the original format. Magician, we contaminate the ritual if we continue to allow the assistant to protest. Please, begin setting the ropes as quickly as you can. And be certain to also take video footage, as you are able."

The magician's assistant bit her lip and stood still, waiting to see what ZephyrMan would do. She couldn't say anything one way or another, so long as she was devoted to learning magic... since, apparently, any further complaints from her would ruin their chances of success.
ZephyrMan remained silent after the admonitions, but he was definitely suspicious of this ritual. The hologram seemed hellbent on the fact that what they were doing was secret and lost and that absolute concentration was needed...yet, why did he need to record everything Seer was doing? It wasn't like that was an option centuries ago. Still, the only way he'd know for sure was if they kept going.

After accepting what very much appeared to be a jump rope, the windy Navi was instructed...to twist the knobs, and reveal more rope. He did so, and as stated, there was indeed more rope. Truly mystical stuff. The subsequent instruction made him turn and stare at the hologram, but he knew dissenting would be fruitless at this point. He sighed, then took the smaller ropes and went behind Seer. "Worry not. If you become too uncomfortable, or something happens that hurts, we'll stop. But otherwise, as the saying goes, the show must go on, correct?" Hopefully that put everyone at ease...himself included. Let's see. Cameras set to auto...and now for the bonda-er, deep and mysterious ritual. Hands behind her back...and, tied. Then the feet...and, tied. Now, for the body...cross the chest...vertical line...encircled beneath the breasts...and, tied. As he returned to her front and looked over his recent work, he really did feel like he was stuck in a softcore porn. Hopefully Ariel was enjoying things more than he was...if it was anything like this, she probably was. "Finished. What comes next?" Somehow, that question felt about 10 times more ominous than it should've...
"Indeed," the instructor agreed with ZephyrMan. "It's not a show, though. It's an ancient ritual to which absolute gravity and seriousness must be devoted," he reiterated, like a broken record.

Tying up Seer was uncomfortable for both participants for a variety of reasons, but especially for Seer, as she now had a length of rope digging into the area between her thighs every time she moved. Luckily, she couldn't move much right now regardless, besides squirming, which would apparently just be bad for the ritual. The rope caused her breasts to stick out from her body in a more pronounced way, as well as causing the fabric to hug her lower body. It was pretty erotic, but if ZephyrMan wasn't already feeling aroused, there was probably little that could do it for him here.

"Excellent. Next, I need you to blindfold her using this," the instructor suggested hurriedly, descending down another cloud of hologram mist that evaporated to reveal a length of black cloth, intended to be used for a blindfold. While he was doing that, another cloud of mist began to float down, perhaps with another instrument, the voice didn't say anything about it, however... there really wasn't any telling what it was, unless ZephyrMan either looked inside or reached in to grab it. "For the next step, the assistant should prostrate themselves, as if begging forgiveness, with their face against the floor and their hind quarters facing upward." The cloud slowly floated behind Seer as she adopted that position wordlessly. Speaking of wordlessly, he still hadn't mentioned anything about what ZephyrMan ought to be doing with that instrument, nor even revealed it to him. "Very good... Magician, make sure that blindfold is secured."
As expected, ZephyrMan continued to show no signs of being aroused as he tied his assistant up. It wasn't that Seer was unattractive, far from it. But, well, when your operator was Ariel Gail Fuujimoto, you had to develop some sort of resistance to the whole thing, or else you'd be stuck in perma-boner mode. Not a fun mode to be in when your lower half happened to be a tornado.

Once that was done, he received what was pretty clearly a blindfold. Another 'instrument' mist appeared, eventually settling behind the magic Navi's butt. The windy Navi looked blankly at it, having a strong suspicion of what it was. "That other instrument wouldn't happen to be a paddle, or some similar object, would it?" Either way, he wasn't blindfolding her until he knew what it was. This was getting overly suspicious.

"Hey, ZephyrMan! Guess what, they finally...um..." In a rare moment, Ariel found herself 'interrupting' something, instead of being the one 'interrupted'.

The mentioned Navi sighed, knowing exactly what this looked like. "...You had to pick now to talk to me, didn't you?"

"..." The half-dressed pilot pressed a button on her PET, causing her to become uncomprehendable to anyone that couldn't speak Electopian. "Nan seikō, ZephyrMan?! Anata wa sono shōjo o reipu shiyou to shite imasu?"

Fortunately, ZephyrMan's end of the conversation remained unchanged. "I'm...not as sure I'm not as I should be, given the circumstances."

"Soshite, anata wa nani o shite iru?"

"A fine question...by the way, did you finish your end of the ritual?"

"Watashitachiha shiage. Kantan'niieba, Sore wa amari mahōdesu, honenuki no shōsai..."

"...What?!?!" The surprise made the Navi drop the blindfold. "Are you serious?!"

Ariel pressed the button again, restoring her ability to be understood by all. "Yup, seriously."

"I'd say it's unbelievable, but I suspected as much..." He immediately began to undo the rope's knots, to free Seer from her present stance. "As it turns out, this is not a magic ritual at all! It's merely foreplay!" The blue Navi glared at the 'ritual's' instructor, resisting the urge to fling a whirlwind or two. "You! You've deceived us! This so-called ritual serves no purpose other than to turn you on!"
"No, don't worry about this object. I'm handling this one myself, so don't touch it," the voice sternly advised him. "Please don't presume to understand or anticipate any of the specific steps of this ritual. It's beyond mortal comprehension. I have only mastered it through untold years of study, remember." When ZephyrMan started speaking to his operator, the cloud boomed in further protest. "No outside contact! I thought the instructor was very clear that the operator and navi portions of this ritual were to be conducted seperately!"

"ZephyrMan, wait! You can't contaminate the ritual!" Seer piped in as well, but seeing as she had all of her limbs bound and the gaseous form in the sky seemingly had no limbs, no one was able to stop him. She squirmed in further opposition as her partner untied her. "I... The ritual, though..." she murmured, trying to reconcile her pleasure at being able to move her arms and legs again with her knowledge that the ritual they'd been working at was ruined due to their inability to follow the instructions. Her three, reddish eyes each stared at the ground as she sat in upon the net floor, looking vulnerable and confused. "It wasn't a magic ritual at all? But the video... Clarence and I verified together that the video showed Clarence's grandfather, who was a master magician... Why did he leave behind something like this for Clarence to find? He even used Clarence's name in the opening..."

"Ha! You're so misguided it hurts me to listen to you, Magician," the voice from above laughed. "I think we can all safely agree that your operator is not the wisest to set foot into the arena of magic, nor the most experienced. This recount she gave you is likely misinformation, colored by her own view of the instructions. Do you really think that I would be so petty as to manipulate you two simple programs into pre-copulation, just for my own masturbatory pleasure?"

"Pre-copulation?" Seer asked, raising her two eyebrows and widening her upper eye as well. "Is that a real word?"

"Of course it is," the instructor barked dismissively. "There is still time, Magician. Bind the assistant again, resume filming, and apply the blindfold. We will set the course of the ritual correct again."

"Are you really who you say you are?" Seer interrupted, pressing her fists to her hips as she was clearly not eager to be tied back up. "I don't see why Clarence's grandfather would have chosen such an ill-mannered navi to handle giving us these instructions. Clarence says that his grandfather was a good man and I have serious doubts about you!"

The entity gasped, as if taken back by those words. "I am! Of course I am. What would I be doing in that device if I wasn't?!" it boomed. Finally, it sighed, then spoke up again after a brief silence. "Assistant, please, jack out of the net. I would like some time to speak to the magician. Alone. Once we have finished our discussion, you may or may not be asked to rejoin us. I will set the record straight, then we will finally complete the ritual."

Seer was wary and turned her eyes to ZephyrMan. The entity, if it was irate as it seemed, could be setting up a trap for ZephyrMan. If that was the case, it could be trying to isolate them so that he wouldn't have any backup. "What do you think?" she inquired.
"Well, Ariel? Do you think the figure was Mr. Gupta's grandfather?" First things first. Were the operators being deceived, too?

"I...think it was, actually. He was just looking out for his grandson. Kinda awkward, but I don't think that was a fake."

"I see." ZephyrMan then proceeded to listen, still resisting the urge to fling tornadoes. There was definitely something the voice didn't know about the assistant, though. "While she's not an expert in magic, by any means, my operator knows a thing or two about the mating process! If she says it's that, I have absolutely no reason to doubt her on it. And, of course, there's the obvious problem...how can it be an ancient ritual if it requires everything to be taped?! Such a thing has been around for less than 200 years, and that can hardly be called ancient!" The windy Navi extended an arm, and snapped his fingers, causing all the various camera programs to vanish. "There, I've deleted all the footage that was captured for this sham of a ritual."

With that, Seer was requested to leave, but she instead looked at ZephyrMan for his thoughts. He looked over at her, and shook his head. "No. There shall be no more secrets. You shall divulge the entirety of the 'ritual', and we shall determine if it is indeed magical in nature!" The entire time, he hadn't lowered his arm, and now it was revealed why: a small, spinning wind formed in the Navi's palm. If he didn't get answers, it was headed straight at the strange form barking at them. It wouldn't hurt it any, but if that gas was hiding something, it probably wouldn't be able to hide much after that.
Neither Seer nor the voice seemed to see fit to comment on ZephyrMan's reveal that his operator had a wealth of experience in doing the dirty. The instructor jumped right back into argument, however, once the opportunity presented itself. "I told you at the very start of this ritual, the filming was meant to teach future generations how to duplicate this ritual! If it had been recorded before, I'd simply show you that footage and we'd have been done a lot quicker. Not that it matters. Your refusal and that of the assistant have already doomed the exercise to gross failure!" it boomed... it was strange to hear such whining, booming across the sky like thunder. Still, the fact that the partial footage was useless now didn't stop the instructor from lamenting it once ZephyrMan deigned to destroy it. "Gah! Do you know how long I've... You're pissing me off, for real. I'm not even joking here," the voice growled, having trouble putting together its sentences due to its aggravation.

"We can always tape it again if we need to," Seer suggested, still apparently hopeful that the ritual wasn't a crock.

"No! Ruined. End of story," he sighed. "I'm not going to reveal the rest of the ritual, you lot aren't going to perform the rest of the ritual, and its contents and benefits will be lost to all time. Good going!"

The magician's assistant frowned defiantly at him with tears glistening in her three eyes.

"Well, since you've blown it all already... and it sounds like your operators have finished up... I might as well explain what's happening. Alejandro Gupta made this stupid virtual version of himself to teach Clarence how to conduct foreplay. Stupid as hell, but what's even stupider is that he put me on here to distract or otherwise occupy navis so that it wouldn't be awkward for the ops while he was doing it," the voice explained. "Now, imagine my position. I am a real navi, IllusionMan.EXE, with feelings and emotions and everything, like most navis. He couldn't just stick a stupid Prog in here or anything. So I sat here for years and years, inside that PET. No full network access or anything, nothing to entertain or occupy myself. Nothing to do except listen to that program talk about 'Pre-copulation.'"

"Wow," Seer input noncommittally. She wasn't fully convinced this made IllusionMan not terrible.

"So the end result was that when Jughead Gupta finally found me years later, like six years after when he was supposed to, I was a horny bastard. And the first navi I see is you, Seer. You're innocent and loveable, but also spoiled and pampered. You think I wouldn't like to spend each day watching some chick have sex in a freefall airplane, or exploring the secrets of net magic, or whatever? But I've never gotten to do a damn thing, for all these years. So, when I saw you and heard Clarence talking about why you were using the video, I cooked up this plan to trick you into doing sexy stuff, film it, then tuck it away. That way, when I'm discarded again, at least I'll have something to look at for the next millennium while I wait for this PET to finish giving out."

"That's terrible!" Seer exclaimed, looking aghast. It was hard to tell which part she was referring to: the part where Alejandro Gupta sealed a navi inside an airtight box for six years, the part where the navi deceived her, Or the part where he planned to give up and use the next millennium masturbating to a single candid video of her.

"It is, isn't it? But I don't even care any more. Both of you, just leave me alone. I'll just try to use my imagination on everything since the Magician over there just killed my only buzz I'm ever going to get in my whole life time," the cloud face sulked.

Seer was also upset, either because there was no lead relating to real magic rituals or because she felt sorry for their tormentor. "What should we do?" she asked ZephyrMan.
Truthfully, ZephyrMan started to feel bad as the figure, now revealed as a Navi named IllusionMan, explained his story. Yes, he had tried to manipulate him and Seer into doing...things, but given the situation, he couldn't really get mad about it. Though..."Ahem...my operator's only done that a couple of times before. And I didn't actually watch the act." ...But that wasn't what he really wanted to convey. More a handy FYI. "IllusionMan. Did it never occur to you...to simply tell us the truth from the beginning? I can only speak for myself, but I consider myself reasonably magnanimous. I'm sure there was something that could be done without the need for deceit." ...Come to think of it, that was ironic for him to say, considering he was prominently based on a deity known for being a bit of a trickster. "Besides, who says you must be discarded now? You are indeed a Navi, capable of feeling. And Navi and PET are linked, yes, but it's a link that can be severed if necessary. You have served the purpose that caused you to be in this situation. You needn't resign yourself to it being your last purpose, as well."

With that, he turned to Seer, and her decidedly questionable attire. "Surely you and your operator, as fellow magical beings, can assist him. Perhaps he can assist you somehow in the mystical arts? I would think he could be of some help, being the former Navi of an expert magician. Or, I'm sure someone in a place like NetVegas would love to have a magic themed operator. He could become a regular Navi again. There are many possibilities!"
"Well, remember what I said again: I was horny as hell. So I couldn't really ask Seer, 'hey, want to take off your clothes, soap yourself up, jump rope, and let me use a recorder?' Again, unfortunate byproduct of spending six years listening to a guy talk about foreplay," the figure responded with a sigh. "Keen judgment wasn't really there, so much as desperate need for stimulation. I guess I was looking at the short term more than the long term. Unless you guys would be willing to help me get my jollies if I just asked... Would you?"

Seer stepped in to change the subject. "Of course, we can help-"

"What, really?!" the voice gasped.

"N-No! I mean, Clarence and I can help you find a new operator," she murmured, clutching her hands to her lap self-consciously. She was feeling decidedly more awkward about her outfit now that she realized that it definitively had nothing to do with magic and everything to do with arousing IllusionMan (worse, since she'd actually designed it herself). "I'm sure Clarence won't mind taking care of him until we can find a suitable operator. Or, could you help us pursue the mystical arts, IllusionMan?"

"Probably as much as anybody. I mean, I guess having motivation to seek out magic is more qualifications than most people in the world have for the position, right?" IllusionMan offered. "Hey, ZephyrMan... can me and Seer share a PET?"

"I don't believe that's possible," Seer answered succinctly, although she wasn't really sure of the answer. It was pretty clear she just didn't feel entirely comfortable with the idea of living that closely to IllusionMan. "But, ZephyrMan, I wanted to thank you for taking the time to help me with all of this. Is there anything you'd like in return? I know your operator is getting a reward as is, but you played a vital part in this as well," she offered, giving another bow to show she was indebted. A hissing noise ran through the air, likely IllusionMan snarling with jealousy. He was clearly not done being horny. "If you wanted a chip or anything else, perhaps magic instruments or... I can do lessons, too," the magician's assistant continued. She raised her head and slowly met his eyes with her own (all three of them). It was easy to get the sense that she was offering something else, but that might just be the goo affecting either her own judgment or ZephyrMan's perception.
All ZephyrMan did was shrug at IllusionMan's counterargument. "The main point is, you are no longer confined to that PET. As such, you may...'get your jollies' in any way you can think of." He nodded as the conversation progressed, though the question directed at him caught him off guard. Maybe he shouldn't have phrased what he just said the way he did..."...In theory, it's possible for two Navis to inhabit the same PET. In practice, however, it requires some sophisticated programming, which not many are capable of doing. It'd be both easiest and best to just stay in a different PET." Hopefully, that'd give Seer some relief, and IllusionMan a reasonable explanation.

Hmm...was there anything else he wanted? Well, there was the obvious..."Well, to be frank, if you happen to have a spare chip related to the wind laying around, I wouldn't say no if offered it. But you needn't concern yourself with being in my debt. I'm simply happy I could be of assistance." Speaking of being of assistance, he took a moment to see what Ariel was doing. ...Fully dressed, looking like she was all set to leave. Excellent. "Well, it seems I should be going. Take care, the both of you!" One blue beam of light later, the windy Navi was gone.

(JACKING OUT)