"Yo Masters! Look out!!"
Suien barely looked up from his PET as he slid the final battlechip into the receptacle on the PET. "For the last time, Joey, it's Matsu..."
The dark-haired netOp never finished his sentence. Out of nowhere, a blur of baby blue slammed straight into him. Briefly disoriented by the sudden impact, Suien could only stare in shock as the garishly-dressed newcomer grabbed him by the fabric of his robe, pulled him into a sitting position and brought his terrified face up close to his big, red nose.
big... red... nose? A clown? thought Suien, before his thoughts were rattled as the stranger shook him violently by the robe.
"You! I know you! Give me the &%$! back my property, you &%$#ing son of a binome!" he shouted, drawing back his fist in preparation to strike. Before the attacker could deliver the punch, however, he was grabbed from behind by Joey Gigz, still clutching a bottle of NetCola. Suien's assailant was dragged backwards by Joey who, despite his size, seemed to be having some difficulty. At this point, Suien's initial suspicions were confirmed — his attacker *was* a clown, complete with baby blue ruffled bodysuit, white makeup, orange curly hair, and the large nose he had noticed earlier. "Get the hell away from him, ya crazy circus freak!" shouted the monstrous Netopian, "Hey Masters, should I give this bit-brain a beatdown?!"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, no beatdowns! Let me... let me talk to him!" yelled Suien, waving his arms frantically in an effort to prevent any more illegal activity from occurring in the hallway. Joey reluctantly released the clown from his powerful headlock, and the disheveled harlequin fell to the ground, breathing heavily. Turning to his attacker, Suien spoke. "Mr. Clown, I uh... I understand that you might be somewhat irate over the loss of your property, but I assure you that I have no idea where your... whatever it is is. I think you've managed to find the wrong guy — I'm not the one you're look-"
"Bull&%$@!" spat the clown, shooting Joey a furious glare as he dusted himself off with his white gloved hands, "I'd know that &%$#ing smug face anywhere! Suien &%$#ing Masters, the self-proclaimed Circus 'Blingmaster' himself!"
The dark-haired netOp was taken aback by the clown's accusation. Well, there's that name again — guess it'd have to have been me, thought Suien, biting his lower lip, But 'Circus Blingmaster?' How many titles did I claim last night? Sighing, Suien got to his feet and adjusted his glasses, regarding the clown with a weary countenance. "I suppose that would be me, although my name is actually Suien Matsumoto. I would apologize for whatever it is that I did last night but uh... the truth of the matter is I can't remember much of what happened last night. Do you think you could fill me in on whatever it was that I need to apologize for?"
"Blaming the $#%&ing alcohol? Feh, you're just like all the other $#%@ college kids in this $%#@ing town. Just give me back my unicycle before I serve your pasty Electopian @#$ with a lawsuit."
"The... the unicycle?" stammered Suien, "That thing's yours?!"
-*-
SUBSYSTEM ARGO, YOUR INPUT IS REQUESTED: said Ishamel, his single ocular sensor gleaming upon Rass' chest, IF HUMAN UNIT GIGZ IS CORRECT AND OPERATOR UNIT SUIEN MATSUMOTO ENGAGED HIS REPRODUCTIVE ROUTINES WITH A MALE, WHAT IS OUR NEXT COURSE OF ACTION WITH REGARDS TO THE ACQUSITION OF A PARTNER UNIT FOR OPERATOR UNIT SUIEN MATSUMOTO?
Argo swiftly ppeared on the front of Rass' chest alongside Ishamel. I dunno Ishy. I don't know if I could operate under someone who was... you know, like that. I mean, it's tough enough having to live with Rass, who could pretty much swing either way.
"H-Hey! I l-like g-girl navis..." protested Rass, looking hurt, "I m-mean, there was that g-girl at Yoka... and... and that NetPolice agent... and..."
Argo laughed in response. And who, Rasshole? When was the last time you were in female company — or more importantly, when was the last time a girl so much as looked at you? he scoffed, Face it, pinky - your best friends are a burly meathead who is about as manly as you can get, and some nerdy gaming geek guy. If you're straight, then I'm a cursor-type!
If you three are DONE talking your moronic, juvenile drivel, I'd like to remind you that we have a job to complete! For binary's sake, your half-bit brains turn to mush at the very mention of Suien's love life. scowled Tem, If I didn't know any better, I'd say that you're all more womanly than your system configurations would suggest.
Pah, you've got no argument from me, Tem. You're more of a man than any of us. chuckled a snide Argo.
Tem seemed to bristle, before darting into the center of Rass' chest. Look, you green pinhead, I think Suien needs to get laid more than any other male operator out there, but now's not the time or the place! she growled, bumping the red and green patches downward as her angry eyes glared down Rass' torso. Argo seemed to smirk as he sidled alongside the fuming tactical subsystem on Rass' chest. So you're in agreement, then? he asked cryptically, nudging Tem to the side, Even you, the great tactical genius that you are, think we need to do something about Suien's dating life?
"V-V-Viruses!" yelled Rass, breaking the scheming subsystems' focus and causing them to scramble into formation. As the impressive menagerie of multi-element viruses began their approach, the fusion navi took a nervous step backward, having been jostled by the area's strange, shifting landscape. He looked around, taking note of the several dangerous terrain types populated by the equally-dangerous opponents. "I... I... I... wow." he stammered, overwhelmed by the amount of battle calculations that would need to be done to keep on safe terrain. "T-Tem... d-d-do you think you can f-figure out how to handle this? I... I'm a bit confused."
Rasshole, what are you waitin' for? Hurry up and get that rocket thingamajig ready to go! shouted Argo impatiently, Tem'll agree that's the best course of action! We're not gonna have the... the... mobility! Yeah! Mobility advantage on this uh... crazy battlefield! If we're flying, then we won't get hurt by the... craziness! Yeah! So hurry up!
The depth of your vocabulary never ceases to amaze me, Argo sniped Tem, However, I believe I may have discovered a more appropriate allocation of our system resources — one that is more fully able to eliminate threats with utmost precision and elegance without resorting to needless, extraneous action. Rass, if you would please upload these commands to Suien, we ought to be able to finish this battle in a clean, painless, and most importantly, efficient manner.
Oh *brilliant* Tem, growled Argo in response, And I suppose we'll be using some needlessly complex combination of physics and acrobatics? Can you tell me how that's more effective than plain old face-bashing? Can you?
For your information, I have a much more elegant approach, Argo. When I say we avoid needless, extraneous action, I actually mean it. replied Tem dryly, Today, we'll be using chance
Rass gulped, nodded, and uploaded Tem's projected battle routine. Are you sure about this, Tem? I mean, I've never been the most lucky navi around, and if something goes wrong, then... well... we'd be in trouble. he thought, I don't think that we have the raw power needed to take on this many diverse opponents.
It's indeed sad fortune that you've been cursed with mediocre intelligence, Rass, replied Tem, turning to Rass' chest and observing the viral horde, But then, you're lucky you've got me to do your thinking for you. Just sit tight like a good little boy and don't question this tactical decision. Though the success of this maneuver is mediocre at best, the expected payoff is rather huge. You'll need to be prepared, however, if this fails, you're going to need to dodge. I've made some preparations to help mitigate the risk by preemptively eliminating certain threats in the event that our luck turns sour, so be sure to refresh that portion of the battle routine.
-*-
Suien read Tem's instructions with a bemused smirk before removing the requested battlechips from his chip folder. I suppose it's only appropriate that a gambling-themed battlefield would mandate such a risky strategy, he thought, sliding the selected battlechips in one after the other, If I didn't know any better, I'd say that whatever powers may be that conspired to place us into this situation had a sense of ironic humor.
The disgruntled clown, meanwhile, had since calmed down now that he had been reunited with his unicycle. Standing across the hallway from Joey Gigz, the portly entertainer leaned against the wall and casually lit up a cigarette. "So I guess your boy's in some deep $%#&, huh?" he asked Joey, motioning toward Suien with his cigarette hand, "Slept with some tramp, no $#&%ing memory of the previous night? Would be lying if I said this wasn't totally $%&#ing unexpected." The clown took a deep drag of smoke, and shook his head. "Get all types around this %$#&hole city, you know?" he said, "But they're all the same. %$&#ing kids looking for a good time, get a little bit too excited, and BAM! They're lookin' at twenty-one $#%&ing years of child support the next day. Hope Masters over there used some %$&%ing protection. %$&%ing %$&%faced %$#&."
Joey eyed the clown with a mixture of disgust and amazement. The burly Netopian didn't respond at first, clearly at a loss for words. Finally he shook his head and asked, "You know, for a clown, you ain't so much funny as... angry and mean, yo."
The clown snorted, exhaling a burst of foul-smelling smoke. "You've got some &%$#ing nerve, Netopian," he growled, "Look, pal, I'm only 'Chuckles the Clown' on stage. I don't %$&#ing like the gig, but it pays the bills, capice? So don't go around expecting laughter and sunshine from me unless you're willing to pay for it." Chuckles tossed the cigarette onto the ground and stomped it out with his comically large shoe. "I didn't have enough time after my shift to change cause I've been lookin' for this Masters $#%$head," he said, "Guess it's just as well though. I've got a performance down the block in a few hours, so I'll just $%#& around here till the show starts. Least there aren't any foreign hoods around here tryin' to steal my property... present company excluded."
Joey mumbled something unintelligible in response and took a swig of NetCola. He probably would have protested further, but Suien waved dismissively toward his two newfound companions. "Hey, could you two keep it down over there?" he asked, motioning toward his open motel door, "We don't want her to wake up. Or him to wake up. Whatever." The dark-haired netOp pushed the last chip into the PET receptacle with a satisfying click, sighed, then fiddled with the controls of his PET. A pink wireframe diagram of Rass' protoplasmic body appeared on his top viewfinder. Suien frowned, biting his lower lip, as he carefully studied the schematics. Rass was clearly an object type this entire time... but he was able to use recovery techniques previously too? he thought, turning his attention once more to his ever-changing netnavi, This seems to warrant some investigation... given that we're no closer to figuring out who that mystery person is.
-*-
Rass, meanwhile, was faced with a quandary of equal magnitude, though of a substantially different character. There he stood, looking rather diminutive and small as the oversized roulette wheel and vicious viruses bore down upon him. In Rass' hand pulsed a small yellowish orb of lightning, which discharged sparks and coils of electricity at intermittent intervals. The electric energy projectile weighed heavy in his hands, but he did his best to hold it steady as his three subsystems made the necessary adjustments. "Rass, can you hear me?" asked Suien's voice, "You weren't online the last time we resorted to sheer chance in a battle, so let me make this as clear as I can. The odds are even, but the stakes can be stacked in your favor if you follow the battle routine. By attacking some of the viruses before we evaluate the success of our gambit, we can cut our losses should luck not be on our side. Just in case though, I've sent you a bit of insurance that'll help you escape attack. Be careful though — this battlefield looks pretty unpredictable, and we don't want to find ourselves in a bad position here. Clear out the viruses in one sector, then play things smart from that point on."
Rass gulped, and nodded his head in affirmation. The Areagrab battlechip data was on standby in his systems, ready to trigger at a moment's notice should the need arise. Still, the fusion navi eyed the surroundings carefully, arms and legs tensing as his adrenal simulators overclocked themselves. In a sudden quick motion, Rass leaped off from the ground, breaking into a full dash toward the MuteAnt viruses. Before he got within range of their attacks, however, he wound up and hurled the pulsing thunderball toward the Volcanic viruses in the center of the battlefield. The charged projectile sailed lazily through the air as it homed downward toward the target. Unable to check or confirm the hit, however, Rass continued the follow-through of his toss, bringing around his left leg in the process. No sooner had the booted limb left the ground did the alien-looking Aurahead battlechip materialize on his foot. Ishamel's yellow optical sensor flashed as he discharged the heady projectile mid-swing. The ivory-white projectile streaked toward the MuteAnt viruses, screaming forward with bone-crushing force. Rass spiraled around, sliding to a halt on the network and clasping his hands together. Hmph. I suppose this is as good a time as any, mused Tem as a medium-sized cube materialized in front of Rass in a burst of data. The fusion navi's fingers flew across the panel of the DblCube as he entered in the viral designations, specifying all fourteen targets as "enemies." As uncomfortable as I am using gambling as a tactic, I suppose there's no avoiding it in this particular case. Rass, go ahead and deploy it.
Rass nodded, tossing the cube into the air and watching it spin rapidly on the axis, flashing shades of orange and green as chance took its hold. Rass gazed at it for a bit, silently chanting in his head, Orange, orange, orange, orange, orange...
Suddenly, Ishamel noticed something. OBSERVE, CORE SYSTEM! he shouted, interrupting Rass' mantra, possessing the fusion navi's finger and pointing it toward the center of the battlefield, POT OF UNKNOWN QUALITY HAS BEEN LOCATED. THE PRESENT LOCATION POSSESSES QUALITIES CONSISTENT WITH MODERN HUMANOID GAMBLING ESTABLISHMENTS! CHARACTERISTIC OF GAMBLING ESTABLISHMENTS ARE QUOTING LINGO: JACKPOTS, ENDQUOTE. SPECULATION IS THAT AFOREMENTIONED POT IS INDEED A JACKPOT! COMMENCE RETRIEVAL PROCEDURES IMMEDIATELY!
"I... I don't know, Ishamel," said an uncertain Rass, as Tem surged into his arms and took aim at two of the volcanic viruses, "W-What if its full of v-viruses? I don't think we should get too c-close." Rass felt his muscles expand and contract in rapid succession, sending two bursts of kinetic force barreling toward the two Volcanos. "M-Maybe we should just wait until we clear th-the area before we take a look," he suggested.
NEGATIVE, CORE SYSTEM! OPTIMAL COURSE OF ACTION IS TO QUOTE POP CULTURE "GROW SOME BALLS" ENDQUOTE AND MOVE TO RECOVER THE JACKPOT BEFORE IT IS DAMAGED IRREPARABLY AS A RESULT OF BATTLE!
For once, Rass has a point. It's probably a better idea to stand back and evaluate the situation before we charge in. interrupted Tem, eyeing the pot warily from her vantage point on Rass' shoulder, But then, if it is some sort of valuable data, it would probably be prudent to shield it from harm. If we could find some way to defend it without putting ourselves in harm's way...
"Oh, I know!" shouted Rass, slamming both palms onto the network, "a Windbox!" Before Tem could respond, green surges of data shot toward the middle pot, collecting into a rectangular wireframe on top of the strange pot. As protoplasm leaked from Rass' body into the newly-forming object, Tem slid deftly into Rass' hand, possessed its motor functions, and slapped the pink navi across the face. You idiot! That object was supposed to be used for defensive purposes only — as in our own defensive purposes! she yelled as the windbox surged to life, sending a stream of wind upward as the heavy fan lay flat atop the mysterious pot. Rass recoiled in shock, but nodded his head apologetically, orange scarf flowing lightly in the agitated wind. Stepping back nervously, he allowed the final battlechip to surge through his systems — this one containing several self-replicating packets of data that caused his entire body to tingle and prickle. Rass gulped, taking a final glance at the rotating DblCube before stepping back and clasping his hands together once more, charging the protoplasm with the data and infusing it with the desired schematics. A split second later, several droplets of protoplasm erupted from Rass' back, scattering on the floor and collecting themselves into larger shapes. Black goo gave way to silver machinery as an army of DarkMech soldiers stood at the ready behind Rass' back. As the fusion navi turned around, each of the cybernetic viruses gave him a sharp salute with their silvery sword-arms. Rass nervously returned the salute before glancing over at the battlefield and giving his orders.
"Um... just... do your thing, I guess..." he said.
1: Thunder (40 + Stun) to VolcanoC
2: Aurahead1 (90 + Line + Break) to MuteAnt A, B, and SlimeyA
3: DblBeam2 (10+Stun to all if orange, status cure to self if green)
*Fusionist Physics: Bump VolcanoB and VolcanoD against VolcanoC
4: *Masterpiece (+32 HP)* Wind (Summon 100HP Windbox) on top of Pot, designed to shield/keep whatever is inside the pot inside
5: MachineSword (60x2, Widesword to all stunned targets) to Volcano C, D, and B if Thunder hits, To all targets if DblCube2 is orange)
6: Areagrab, saved for an Areagrab-assisted dodge toward "Normal" terrain
