The Hunt for Epic Fail Guy?!

"Woah, that can't be good.", the masked man comments on the sand that swirls around him. Through the dusty wall he spies the fire in Djinni's hands and cringes, "Eeek! Anonymous Goon Ensemble! ....Er, Assemble!", he calls, putting on a black and white striped bowler hat.

Suddenly, navis start pouring out of random places. A few step out from behind the terrorist's sandy trap, more fall off of Broadside's H/Ks as they return to their owner. A few congo line around a corner, several parachute out of the sky and one even drops out of Djinni's cleavage. Once they stop messing around, they form a triangle in front of the masked navi, arms folded. Each is indistinguishable from each other. They all wear a dark gray suit, a similarly shaded pair of trousers, a white shirt, a red tie and black shoes. Even their faceless, green heads have identical red writing on them.

"Protect me, anonymous thugs!", he orders.

The navis between Djinni and their boss simultaniously sidestep, giving the flaming fist a clear passage to it's target.

"Ugh... owch...", he moans, lying on the floor with smokey trails floating off his body. "You're all getting banned for this... EEK!" He shrieks as the second fist flies inches above his face.

"Right, er. What was I doing?", the terrorist muses after using a healing chip and righting himself, "Oh, yeah..." He raises his stick-like arms above his head, claps them together and yells "COFFIN'S CLOSED!"

The black object leaps out of Temmir's arms, a jagged crack forming along it's sides. It opens up as though hinged at the head end and grows several times larger than it used to be. A bright red strip of lining falls out, wraps around Temmir's body and scoops her off her feet. "What...?", she starts in surprise as the tongue pulls her inside the coffin and snaps shut. A lidless eyeball grows out of the round indention and casts it's gaze at the three other navis. Black, bat-like wings unfurl out of the top as a pale, sickly ooze drips from the teeth-like crevice.

"Temmir!", Cobalt cries out in alarm. He arms himself with a sword chip and leaps at the monster. It blats him through the station doors with a flick of a massive wing.

The coffin's rigidness is replaced by a black, organic-looking skin. The sides curve as though grinning, and the creature lets out a startling, gooey scream. The tongue licks some excess drool off it's mouth and eyes the remaining two navis hungrily.

"Hahaha! Got you at last, Temmir of the Scarlet Storm! We knew if we destroyed a few Netpolice buildings they'd eventually send you!", the masked terrorist boasts in that dastardly villainous way that reveals important plot elements, "Now it's just to clean up the witnesses. Take 'em out boys!", he commands before finally being swallowed up by the sandstorm. As the green-skinned gang gets hit by electrical charges and a yo-yo, the identical navis pull a random assortment of weapons out of their suit pockets and charge at the two vigilantes.


[PARTICIPENTS]

---Coin's Comparison---

Broadside: 200 (Whiteguarded)
Djinni: 180 (Being Djinni)

Temmir: 200 (Incapacitated)
Cobalt: 170 (???)


---Don Vendetta's All-You-Can-Beat-Up Buffet---

Don Vendetta: 300 (Trapped: 2 turns remaining)
Anonymous Navi: 200 (Chain Mace)
Anonymous Navi: 175 (Leek)
Anonymous Navi: 105 (Cleaver)
Anonymous Navi: 110 (Saucepan)
Anonymous Navi: 175 (Flag With Sharp End)
Anonymous Navi: 150 (Minigun)
Anonymous Navi: 200 (Alcohol Bottle)
Anonymous Navi: 200 (Boxing Gloves)
Anonymous Navi: 175 (Hacksaw)
Anonymous Navi: 150 (Camera)
Anonymous Navi: 95 (Ocarina)
Anonymous Navi: 150 (Birdcage)
Anonymous Navi: 175 (Baseball Bat)
Anonymous Navi: 200 (Packet of Mentos)

OniEater: 1200 (Behind you!)


[TERRAIN]

100% Normal

[OBJECTS]

Sharkbite: 1000
"HEY! GET BACK HERE!" Djinni shouted with her voice's volume set to maximum as she waved her fist at the person who slid out of her cleavage. She puffed up her cheeks in an annoyed manner and decreased the volume before talking, "The nerve... I was wondering why it felt so pleasant..." Now that was out of the way, she glanced at Broadside in his once again changed form, and started to talk to him directly. "So suddenly there were many," she said, her cheeks in their normal state again, "But still a fairly small number." Pointing at each of them, one at a time, she counter them and muttered the numbers softly to herself. "Fifteen excluding those that were already here," she said and realized she had two opened hands in the air to count ten of them. "I need another hand," Djinni said and glanced Broadside's but figured he'd need it for offensive things. "Well then...!" she exclaimed and rubbed her hands that produced flames due to the small amount of friction. But before she could call out for chips, she already felt the data of one surging in. Realizing it was an AreaGrab chip, she turned to Broadside and bowed towards him. "I'm sorry, my master. The time has gone by faster than expected," she said while a serious look was on her face, "Our pact of summoning has reached its end. You're on your own from now on." A small faked tear fell from her right eye before she disappeared without a trace.

A split second or two later she re-appeared at the point where they had seen Temmir when they entered the site. "She didn't even touch it," Djinni said as she glanced at the weapon close to her and crouched slightly in the hope that the enemies would think she had left entirely after her little charade. "Now for some fun," she said and glanced upwards at Na'im, bobbing her head from left to right.

"So don't show our location and get me something good, right?" he replied with a sigh. Na'im went through his chip pack and whispered to himself, "We only have things to attack head on. That sea of enemies is something you shouldn't tread in. Broadside seems capable enough for that task. Unless his experience is just a mask. Oh wait, this chip ought to do the trick. Although it looks like an orb on a stick..."

Two chips were sent in by Na'im and Djinni's eyes flickered slightly. The chips were identified as being 'Meteor12' chips, two chips they had gotten through trading on the boards. Holding her hands out in front of her, still in a crouching position, she made two shining red orbs with the data of the chips. Softly Djinni giggled and poked a small hole in each orb, using her finger, and placed them on the ground with the hole downwards. A wooden rod appeared from each hole, a few seconds later, and started the operating data for the meteors to appear. Glancing upwards, she could see red orbs appearing in the sky with a trail of fire behind them. "Good," she whispered and gave each orb a small pat, "Now for this thing..." Turning to a side, she slid to the weapon Temmir had left behind and held her hand out towards it. "Starting examination program," she whispered as data floated around in her programming about the weapon in front of her.

1. AreaGrab [Teleport Elsewhere On The Field] get to Temmir's first place.
2. Meteor12 [100 HP Object; 30+10 FIRE x 4; 3 Turns Or Until Broken; Ranged]
3. Meteor12 [100 HP Object; 30+10 FIRE x 4; 3 Turns Or Until Broken; Ranged]
4. Examine weapon.
Broadside watched as the trap set by their target sprung, summoning a hideous looking program that immediately attacked. In the span of a few seconds, the creature had eaten one Navi and knocked the other clear through the front doors of the NP station. Both of the NP officers were now out of the fight. He took a quick look at the mass of green Navis as he ejected the empty clip from his Guard Rifle. An attack program, 14 normal Navis, and the target.... 8 to 1. Long odds.

Broadside was about to slap in another clip when he heard Djinni start babbling something about the expiration of their summoning pact. He looked up, then glanced over at Djinni just in time to see her disappear. A half-dozen scenarios ran through his mind one after another. He discarded each in turn, as his survival chances in each ranged from very bad to beyond terrible. With that in mind he stopped his reload, opened his left hand, and just dropped the new ammo clip wordlessly as he mentally added Scratch that plan... I need options. The clip dissipated at his feet, the data returning to the PET, unused.

Broadside opened the private communication link with his PET and contacted Jared... "Jared, my situation isn't looking good out here."

"I hear ya." Jared replied wryly as he caught sight of the data signatures advancing on Broadside. "Don't worry, Djinni is still with you." He added as he reached for another battlechip. Jared then slotted in his AirShot1 and mashed the [Send] key. "Use this to give yourself some time. Then tell me what you need."

"Affirmative." Broadside replied simply as the data arrived. He quickly shunted the airshot into his booster pack and was about to begin considering his options again when Jared's voice came in over their com-link.

"Heads up. It's about to start raining meteors." J.T. actually sounded worried at this point... "Watch yourself."

"...."

Broadside leaned towards the SharkBite, took a step towards it, and then blasted into the sky with a powerful airshot assisted boost. He feathered the boosters and vectored the trust to land squarely atop the hovertank. As he touched down, he looked at his Guard Rifle and shook his head disgustedly... This weapon may be versatile, but it lacks the ability to project large amounts of firepower. And that's going to cost me right now. He then turned around to face the enemy.... If I form-shift right now, I will take a brutal beating before I can counterattack....

What if we try something different? a random thought suggested helpfully. Ask for whatever long ranged chips you want that that Farnam fellow has, and I'll teach you a new trick. Broadside, understandably, was a bit skeptical.... However, he was now aware of bits of his coding being rewritten. This gave him pause, as this wasn't the first time in memory that this had occurred. His moment of surprised hesitation was obviously a tenth of a second too long... Are you deaf? Ask him! the voice insisted, sounding a little miffed at his hesitance.

"Jared, send me the ElecReels..." then he remembered how the chip lineup had been changing quite a bit recently and added "...if we have any."

I had that coming. Jared thought as he grabbed the requested chips and slotted them both in. He then mashed the [Send] key and said: "Sent." Though he did wonder what Broadside would do with them... "Since his return, he hasn't been able to use them with that rifle." he mumbled absently.

Meanwhile, Broadside stored the new chip data in memeory as he received it... only to have it redirected out of his memory, into his communication protocols and off to some unknown destination. Good! I've set everything up for you. Now just switch your weapon over to the new mode I've programmed into it, and start painting targets with it.

Broadside did as he was told, and accessed the Guard Rifle's protocols. He immediately discovered the update, and accessed new mode of operation. This caused a small faceted crystal to appear socketed into the tip of the laser sight affixed directly under the Guard Rifle's square barrel, and also displayed a counter in his visor that read '32'. He started quickly pointing the weapon at the various enemies before him, pulling the trigger as he lined it up with each. Instead of firing a gunshot, it painted the enemy with a T.A.G. beam, and the counter decreased by one. Broadside began moving across the top of the hovertank as he continued to paint targets, trying to make himself a little harder to hit as the counter continued to tick downward.

Before the counter reached zero, brilliant pinpoints of light began to flash from high in the sky. No more than 5 seconds later, the first thin beam particle cannon shot lanced from the sky. It would be the first of 32 such bolts from the blue as destruction literally rained from the heavens....


----Summary----
1: Use AirShot1 to boost jump to the top of the SharkBite hovertank. (Advanced Dodge)
2: T.A.G. ElecReel1 Sat-Strike @ All Ground Enemies (90 Elec + To-All-Ground)
3: Run across the top of the SharkBite hovertank. (Dodge)
-- AddBreak (ElecReel1)
4: T.A.G. ElecReel1 Sat-Strike @ All Ground Enemies (90 Elec + To-All-Ground) [+Break]
((Dreadfully sorry about the wait, guys. Post coming tomorrow.))

((EDIT: -ish.))
[This Thread has been Modjacked.]

As someone put it, 'Death rains from the sky'. In less succinct terms, the satellite strikes tear apart the terrain, as well as the foes. The meteors destroy even more, leaving the place a barren wasteland.

Nothing is to be seen but a shitload of reward data.

Wait--

A head raises itself from the ground, that of one of the 'anonymous' gang.

"Hah, you can nev-"

With those words, a meteor slams into his face, swiftly followed by a satellite strike straight through the head.

His data swiftly disappears, leaving an extremely stupid looking Guy Fawkes mask.

Looks like that did the job.

Reward:

Broadside: Satellite2, 2500z
Djinni: Lavacannon1, 3000z
FXP: 25
"So that's it..." Djinni muttered and picked up the weapon before her after examining it thoroughly, understanding every piece of data of it and pointed it at the position where once the cluster of opponents was. "PREPARE TO GET-" she shouted, but stopped when she realized there was none of them left, even their ally Temmir. Lowering the weapon again, she stared at the ground and muttered to herself. "What?" she started quietly, "It ended...?" Raising her head slowly, Djinni looked at the meteor rods in front of her and put up an angry face. Dropping the weapon in the corner, she grabbed the rods and grinned wide before throwing them at the wall of the building. "It can't end this way..." she muttered and kneeled down before the rods. "Na'im, please," she started as she looked up at him, "Give me something burning. It cannot end like this!"

"When did you start this interest...? You know explosions don't come on request," Na'im said as he raised his shoulders. Nonetheless, he looked through his chips and picked one out. "This one ought to do the trick. It's up to you, 'secret agent Chick'." He sighed after saying the last sentence, as he decided to just play along with it, and slotted the chip into the keyboard PET.

"Secret agent Chick sounds ridiculous," Djinni commented blatantly with a tone of distaste in her voice. She snapped her fingers a few times and created a small flame generated by the chip which she held by the meteor rods. "You're not the only one with back-up plans, professor Cobalt," she muttered, submerged into her own world, and stood up after lighting the rods with her flame. "Say goodbye to your lab!" Djinni shouted as she jumped away from the rods, into the direction of the square in front of the building to prevent getting hit from the explosion. Flying through the air, she awaited a loud noise or even pieces of wreckage flying around, but none of it happened. Even after landing on the ground she had encountered no explosions. Not even the slightest spark came from the rods. "CURSES!" she exclaimed and floated over to the vehicle Broadside had jumped on before. Looking up at him, she continued to shout but this time directed towards her companion. "WHERE ARE MY SPECIAL EFFECTS?" she shouted and pointed at the rods in the distance, "WHERE IS MY EXPLOSION?" After saying this, she fell onto the ground as dramatically as she could with her head in her hands. "I was promised my time..." she quietly said, but audible enough for Broadside to hear her words, "My time to... Shine..." The words turned into whimpers and she held her head up, staring up at Broadside again. She did her best to simulate fake tears rolling from her eyes even though her cheeks were covered by her veil and the effect was minimal. "CRIMINAL!" she shouted, "GIVE ME BACK MY TIME TO SHINE!" In a flash, she stood up and jumped onto the vehicle. "YOU!" she shouted before stopping in front of Broadside as she started to repeatedly punch his chest as weak as possible in a typical way a child during a tantrum would.

"Sorry about this, Broadside..." Na'im said as his window appeared floating behind Djinni. He looked at the Navi who was being pestered by Djinni and sighed. "I know she's a mess... And it's my fault, I confess," he said and glanced down at the Navi, "I'm not sure what caused it, but she sometimes gets these trances in which she seems to think she's something she's not. Combined with her love for acting, it becomes rather distracting. But don't worry, it won't last for very long usually..."

Djinni raised her head in a flash, after Na'im had stopped talking, stared directly at Broadside's face and stopped her tantrum. "What will the critics say... No special effects..." she said and started to shiver slightly, "A rushed ending... Bad villains..." The shivering of her body became more and she widened her eyes as she looked at Broadside, a terrified image in her eyes as she suddenly shouted out at him, "THE CRITICS WILL MURDER US!" With those words leaving her mouth, she realized what was going on and started to scream. Screaming as loud as she could, she floated away from Broadside with great speed. But in her frenzy, she forget they were still on top of the hovertank and fell right off of it with her head planted firmly into the ground on landing.

Na'im's window stared at the grounded Djinni below him and a sigh came from his voice. "Am I correct if I say we're done?" Na'im asked as he turned to JT in the real world, "Seeing as the bad guys are gone... And after this, she'll get back to reality. I might have to make some edits on her morality."
Broadside stood up after the deadly barrage of beams and meteors finally ceased. He stood atop the Sharkbite and looked out across the field... From his high vantage, he could see no signs that any of his foes had survived the devastating rain that had left the stretch of Net-Road before the NP's Net Station a cratered mess. The few small fires burning here and there where the meteors had landed a moment before began to die down, leaving smoke curling up from the scorched ground in small wispy tendrils. Nothing else moved...

...Except Djinni, who was going on about something or other rather loudly with her Net-Op. The important thing, as far as Broadside was concerned, was that she was unharmed. He made note of that, then looked back out for signs of his NP allies, but found none from his current vantage.

He slung his rifle over his shoulder, and contacted Jared over their private channel to give his Net-Op a status report. "Target eliminated," he began. "I have sustained no damage. Djinni appears to be unharmed as well."

"That's good." Jared responded, sounding a little surprised. He tapped a couple of keys, and selected an option that displayed what Broadside saw on his headset. He whistled as he gazed upon the aftermath... After a moment, he asked "Any sign of the other two Navis?"

"Negative." Broadside said as he crouched at the edge of the platform and looked down at the ground. "I'll perform a more thorough investigation momentarily."

"Good, then. Let me kn--" Jared's reply was interrupted by the sound of Djinni's shouting at Broadside, which came in over the speakers in his headset loud and clear... mostly loud. The sudden noise startled a twitch out of him, but was quickly cut off as he hit the mute button on the PET. A moment later, he turned the volume down, then unmuted it.

Meanwhile, Broadside watched as Djinni went through her little drama, not particularly following what she was saying. As far as he could tell, there had been plenty of explosions just a few moments ago. Why she would be ignoring that fact and demanding more, he couldn't guess. I'm not about to use my weapons to cause random and pointless destruction for anyone's amusement.

Djinni suddenly leaped up and onto the vehicle next to him. and began shouting something about her time to shine. Broadside stood up again, and turned towards her, his expression displaying his confusion openly. Then she leaned forward and started pounding on his chest pitifully... "Jared... What do I do about this?" Broadside asked with uncertainty over their private link as he stood there and took the feeble blows.

Ask me like I'd know... Jared thought as he watched the scene and heard his Navi's plea for advice in the face of Djinni's irrational (and amusing) behavior. "Just let her get it out of her system, I guess."

Broadside looked up as Na'im's windowed image appeared above and behind Djinni seconds later. Broadside listened to what the other Navi's Operator had to say, then responded with a shrug over the apology. He finally nodded as the Op finished speaking... An action which brought him almost nose to nose with Djinni's suddenly raised head. Now what...? was his thought as she began babbling about the mission as if it were a tv show.

Broadside winced a bit as Djinni suddenly shouted 'the critics will murder us' at the top of her lungs directly into his face. Then she just screamed at him, even louder than before, and floated away from him. This odd behavior continued until she floated too far away, and fell off the SharkBite, causing one of Broadside's eyebrows to arch upward at the spectacle. "....."

"I'm beginning my check." Broadside said to his Net-Op as he turned to the edge of the platform, and jumped off. He landed in a crouch, then stood up and walked over to where the Oni-Eater had been. There, he found chip and zenny data among the fragments. He collected these and continued sifting through it, looking for any signs of Timmir's data remains. He didn't find it. "It would appear Timmir jacked out. There are no fragments of her data here." He stood and looked over at the entrance to the station, which was now bustling with activity. "The other Navi landed inside the station. His status is no longer my concern, as it will be tended to by the other officers."

"Good." Jared smiled, as he looked up at Na'im's question. "We're done here." he said, as much to Broadside as Na'im. "Jack out, and we'll file our report the the Net Police. If you're up for it, we could take another mission after this." Again, speaking to both his Navi and the other Op.

"Acknowledged. Broadside.EXE, jacking out." Broadside replied from the net just before his features melted into a mass of light that shot into the sky a second later.

((Jack-Out))
Pulling her head out of the ground with great power, she looked around with half opened eyes and just noticed a beam of light disappearing into the sky. "Ah..." she muttered and moved herself into a vertical position. Slowly floating away from behind the hovercraft, she looked around its corner to see if Broadside was still there. "Hey Broadside..." she started and looked at the empty spot with her mouth still opened. The gears within her mind started to turn slowly as she looked up at the sky. A few minutes later, the gears had turned around enough for her to realize that Broadside had already left. "HEY!" she shouted and shook her fist at the sky, "EVER HEARD OF LADIES FIRST!?"

"Just log out, Djinni," Na'im said and turned to J.T. in real life as the connection over the PETs had already been turned off, "Yeah. I'm fine with another mission. But only one condition. I want to get ourselves one of those SPs. To our strength it will be a nice increase."

"Don't focus your attention elsewhere!" Djinni shouted and made a pouting face, only to look away from Na'im and at the ground. But her face turned to its normal cheerful state once she discovered a special spoil of the battle. Picking it up from the ground, she had the mask that their enemy had on its face in her hands and looked at it. Looking to her left, then to her right, to see if anyone was around, she looked back at the mask and executed a 'cut and paste' command to save the file to her own data. A faint red beam came from her eyes which connected with the mask and started transferring data. A few seconds later, the mask disappeared and was saved on Djinni's hard disk. "Hehehehe," she snickered and exploded in a burst of flames, disappearing from the Internet as this was her log out animation.