First Time

PassionMan arrived on the Net in a beam of rainbow colored light that splashed onto the floor, filling into a silhouette of the Navi in a brilliant pink light and eventually phased into his form. "All right, I'm here..." PassionMan remarked with noted disappointment. He had planned to jack in and find all kinds of people running around: instead, the Netscape seemed to be devoid of much life at all. "I guess people bust here all the time, so there aren't many viruses... but I'd at least expect to see somebody!"

"Don't worry about it," Emma said, lowering her eyelids, "this can be our alone time..."

"Alone time?" PassionMan said with little enthusiasm. "Half of the day I get to be alone with-"

"Enough talk! Get to looking for viruses now, okay?" Emma butted in, rummaging through her room and pulling out a trend magazine to read while she waited.
There were no viruses to be seen, because they were all standing right behind Passionman.

Looking very...excited.

Oh dear.

MetoolA: 40 HP
MetoolB: 40 HP
MetoolC: 40 HP
MetoolD: 40 HP

Passionman.EXE: 100 HP

--FIGHT FOR YOUR LIFE virginity!--
"Do you hear something, PassionMan?" Emma asked, suddenly detecting a barely audible sound like a blade being drawn from the speakers on her PET, which were always turned up loud enough for people in the next room to hear.

"Eh?" the Navi responded, glancing over his shoulder to find a load of viruses with pickaxes ready. "Oh! It looks like there's a welcome wagon after all," PassionMan remarked with a grin. "ACDC's sending such cute little viruses after me already..." he said, kneeling down as he stooped to eye level, nearly coming face to face with the enemy virus. Staring through his translucent visor into the enemy's eyes with his own, strangely eyelashed ones, he noted with a strangley syrupy tone, "You wouldn't want to hit me from behind like that, would you...?"

"What the-" Emma drew back, her eyebrow twitching in shock. "PassionMan! You don't sound very worried at all!"

PassionMan drew himself back up and jumped back for some distance. He looked back at her and shrugged. "Meh, it's fun getting to meet some new people for a change."

"I'm beginning to think you like stupid Metools more than me!" Emma shouted huffily. "If you love me, kill those enemies right now! I'm sending a shotgun."

"Aw come on..." PassionMan pleaded. "It's my first time out! Can't I have a little fun...?"

"Busting can be fun, too," Emma snapped back decisively.

"Oh, all right..." PassionMan whined in a dejected tone. He recieved the Shoutgun at the end of his elbow in place of his tendril, now taking the form of a tube-like weapon. He aimed the barrel at one of the enemies, sighing a bit. "Sorry, guys, but it looks like I don't have time to play today..." he said softly, then fired the shot straight at a cluster of the Metools. "I've got a lot more friends to meet today and I really can't be bothered to waste my time here."

Sweet Nothings to MetoolA [40, stun]
Dodge back
Shotgun to MetoolB [50, splash]
One of the Mets seems to pale under its yellow hat. It backpedals away from PassionMan, a horrified expression crossing its face. It pulls out its pickax, the horrified expression turning to one of resigned apathy, and smashes the sharp end into its own helmet, deleting itself rather than become a part of PassionMan's strange designs.

The other Mets, shocked and confused, are easy prey. Two are quickly deleted by the spray of pellets from the shotgun. The last tried to retaliate, but misses horribly.

MetoolA: SUICIDE'D!!!
MetoolB: Deleted!
MetoolC: Deleted!
MetoolD: 40 HP

Passionman.EXE: 100 HP
"Ah, geez," PassionMan complained, "It looks like these guys don't want to have any fun at all. Let's hurry up and finish this, Emmy."

"Of course, Pashy!" Emma replied, happy that the ball of favor seemed to be back in her court. "Well, only one of them seems to be left... I think just about anything can take one of these guys out. I'll send you the Rageclaw. Finish him off, no fooling around!" Emma commanded with a giggle.

PassionMan drew up a lip as his wire arm was again replaced by a fuzzy arm, seemingly in the likeness of a bear's. "Bah," he commented dryly, "this is about as graceful as trying to woo a girl with Sir Mix-a-lot..." Nonetheless, he stared back up and got his sight on his opponents. "I know it's lonely without any friends..." he said to the enemy, charging and drawing back his arm, "...but that's why I'm sending you to meet them!" Upon reaching the virus, he thrust his arm forward, attempting to skewer the virus, then jumped into the air and toss it down, cleaning it off of his claw.

"What do you mean without any friends?! I'm your friend!" Emma cried, her eyes tearing up overdramtically.

"No, no, of course you're my friend!" PassionMan said apologetically, attempting to calm her down as he turned his arms back into tendrils. Drawing his arms up in a Y formation, then curling the ends to make a sort of heart above his head, he plugged the wires into the holes in his head, and rainbow energy began to course through his body. "Sometimes I forget I have this Shield program, but it should prove useful in combat... this energy will defend me from an attack," he said to himself.

Rageclaw to MetoolD [40]
Rageclaw to MetoolD [40]
Shield
I like dead Mets and I can not lie....


MetoolA: SUICIDE'D!!!
MetoolB: Deleted!
MetoolC: Deleted!
MetoolD: Deleted!

Passionman.EXE: 100 HP


Rewards: Get ~ 300z
PassionMan sighed, releasing his arms that were locked into his head and quickly whipping up the zenny. "Nothing to write home about... here you go, Emmy."

"Oh, Pashy!" Emma exclaimed, her eyes lighting up. "For me?!"

PassionMan bit his lip, refraining from bringing up that there would be no way he could fight holding the zenny and that it was only common sense that the operator would hold onto it, but this might actually be a way to get the pesky girl off of his back for a second. "Uh, yeah... the first of many presents you'll be getting as we win more battles. Keep up the ace operating, okay?" he said, attempting his best sexy grin.

"Oh, you bet!" Emma replied. "We're going to be doing so much together!"

The Navi hung his head momentarily, then bucked himself up to continue on through the Netscape.
((You forgot to request virii))

Another set of virii arrive on scene. They seem quite taken aback by the strange Passionman, but they are quite ready to fight.

MetoolA: 40
MetoolB: 40
MetoolC: 40
CanodumbA: 50
CanodumbB: 50

PassionMan: 100

Battle 2....Fight!
"Ah, geez, cannons?" PassionMan cried, stomping around in a frenzy. "What kind of fun am I supposed to have with cannons?!"

"The fun will be in defeating them and getting me another prize," Emma reminded him, both conceitedly and inconsiderately. "Now, let me start thinking up what move we'll use during this first match..."

"Hmm..." PassionMan pondered, staring at the Cannodumbs. He focused on one, daring to walk in a little closer to it and place a finger on his lower lip, addressing the virus in a playful tone. "I've always been fascinated by mechanics... I wouldn't mind getting inside this thing and seeing what makes it tick."

Emma hadn't paid much attention this time to her Navi's disturbing display, so she simply drew out her chip and sent it to him. "The data on this chip looks like it comes from that cannon thing... it would be neat to get another," she commented cheerily.

The Navi continued to stare at the cannon virus with lowered eyelids as the Cannon chip formed on his arm. He lifted the barrel, pumping the piston of the gun back suggestively, but giving Emma the impression that it was some sort of test to see how it worked. "Don't worry," he told the virus, "I'll be back soon. I'll take care of your little friend there so it's just you and me." With that, he lowered the gun dismissively to one of the hardhat-wearing viruses and discharged the gun's fire. He lifted the barrel back to his lips and slowly blew the smoke away, finishing with a grin. He knelt down, placing a hand on the ground, and prepared to bolt out of the way if an incoming shot was directed at him.

"A-are you feeling okay, PassionMan?" Emma asked, still not catching the hints.

Sweet Nothings to CannondumbA [40, stun]
Cannon to MetoolA [40]
Dodge
By the Net Gods, if a stationary turret could run, the Cannodumb would be in Netopia by now. However, turrets can't run, nor can they retaliate when stupefied by such a disturbing display. Its partner, however, is fully capable of attacking and does so with vigor. PassionMan is blasted by the cannon seconds after he dodges away from a rampaging Metool trying to get revenge for its fallen comrade.

MetoolA: DELETED!
MetoolB: 40
MetoolC: 40
CanodumbA: 10(STUN'D)
CanodumbB: 50

PassionMan: 80
PassionMan grunted from the blow, flying back and cursing. This was the first time he'd taken damage on the Net, and it wasn't something he appreciated; the passion he'd concocted for himself made his recovery fast, however, and he was quickly back up on his feet laughing. "Hehe... I touched a weak point, eh? This guy's your mate, isn't he honey? Or just some wannabe?" PassionMan made a flexing post, a grin spreading across his face. "Does he really think he can keep up with this?"

"I don't know what you're up to," Emma addressed her Navi with suspicion, "but I'm sending you the Rageclaw. Try to keep cleaning up those Metools. We might have a bit of work ahead of us, so get yourself prepared for anything. Don't get distracted now."

PassionMan finished with a wink at the two Cannons. "Give it up man, she's obviously not interested in you. And why would she be," he said, beginning a dash toward the two enemy Metools, "when she could have this?" he said, bringing the claw down on one of the Metools and attempting to toss it into the other. Before it could hit, he had dashed over to the other, trying to fling it back so that they would collide painfully midair.

"I take care of these chumps like nothing!" PassionMan said with a cocky grin, looking back at the Cannon. "And all of this is for you! Let me show you how much I love you!" he proclaimed, folding his wiry arms once again to form the heart shape above his head and making a pretty rainbow light effect.

Meanwhile, Emma bit a handkerchief she had been holding onto in frustration, tearing it to pieces. Was it possible she was getting shrugged off for a stationary turret virus?!

Rageclaw to MetoolB, toss into Metool C [20. 20]
Rageclaw to MetoolC, toss into Metool B [20. 20]
Shield
The Mets are deleted in a rather spectacular display of acrobatics and sheer speed. The previously stunned Cannodumb turned a light shade of pink and refused to attack. The other turned a dark shade of crimson, steam rising from within its circuits. It fired another blast at PassionMan, but the attack fizzled against the shield that the Navi had raised.

MetoolA: DELETED!
MetoolB: DELETED!
MetoolC: DELETED!
CanodumbA: 10
CanodumbB: 50

PassionMan: 80
PassionMan tried to keep up a brave facade, silently biting his lip and sweating a bit as the shot hit, but was overjoyed to find it had no effect. "Wow, way to go buddy!" he shouted at the virus. "With attacks like that, you'll prove what a weakling I am in no time flat!"

"Wow, so the shield works, huh?" Emma noted with surprise. "I wasn't sure how it would go when I bought it, but it seems like the program works perfectly. You didn't take a scrap of damage. We're going to finish this with a Shotgun. See if you can get both of the cannons at once!"

"Roger," PassionMan replied, the barrel once again forming beneath the glassy red guard on his arm. He took aim at the cannon that had so worthlessly attacked him a second ago, a grin spreading across his face. "Now, let's see you do the same with my shot," he said with a sarcasting undertone. "Come on, raise your arms above your head and stick them into your head! If your love is strong enough, it won't even phase you at all. Now, are you ready?" he said, releasing the aimed gun and sending shot flying toward the group of cannons.

"That should show them-" he began, before he suddenly realized the implications. "Oh no! That gun can hit two people, right Emma?"

"That's right! It's a powerful chip," she said in a bragging manner, despite the fact that it was included in the basic package that came with the Navi.

"Oh no... my love!" he cried. "Is she going to survive?!" He stared with concern into the cloud of dust that had formed, which also allowed him an opportunity to dodge. "Wait..." he thought. "Maybe she can be healed! I should try..." he said to himself, with little hope. He stook his wires quickly back into his head, and a different light energy began to form around them...

Shotgun to CannondumbB [50+splash]
Prepared dodge
Charge
Too bad for PassionMan...Both of the Cannodumb are naught but scraps of smoldering, bullet ridden metal.


MetoolA: DELETED!
MetoolB: DELETED!
MetoolC: DELETED!
CanodumbA: DELETED!
CanodumbB: DELETED!

PassionMan: 80

The winnah...It's j00!

Rewards: Get ~ 200z, Cannonx1
"No!... my beloved Cannondumb.... Cannondumb... Cannondumb... WHAT AM I FIGHTING FOR?!" PassionMan's voice echoed through the hollows of the Net.

"What now?" Emma said, shaking her head and deciding to ignore it. "Anyway, thanks again for the present. One of them I can even give back to you!" she exclaimed happily. "We got another Cannon chip for you to use in battle."

"A memoir of my lost love... may she find her aim and lock on in the sweet eternity within which she now resides," he epitathed softly, rising overdramatically and continuing through the Net with a slow stride, a melancholy mood set over him.
PassionMan has no time for melancholy laments of love's labors lost. Virii attack!

A NEW CHALLENGER APPROACHES!

SpikeyA: 90
SpikeyB: 90
ShrubbyA: 50 (Behind Spikeys)
ShrubbyB: 50 (Behind Spikeys)
BunnyA: 50
BunnyB: 50

PassionMan: 80

Battle.....3! Go!!!!
"W-wow..." PassionMan gasped in a mix of fear and excitement, "A lot of new friends to play with this time... and these ones are much more interesting than a dumb old cannon!" he exclaimed, completely disregarding the memory of his former "love." "Emma, you have a present I can give our new friends to start out with? This is a bad date to show up empty-handed at, if you know what I mean."

Emma seemed to appreciate the metaphor, turning it around to interpret it as her giving him something. "All right then, Pashy! Here comes a big surprise," she said gushingly, disregarding the fact that she had no chips to send him that he hadn't already used.

"Now, I've got such a wide variety of lovely couples here... who do I dance with first?" He gazed from the Spikies, billowing fire from their mouths and with a hungry expression in their eyes. "Eh... aggressive's not really my type," he said, moving on to the Shrubbies. "Come on now, they aren't showing any initiative at all. How am I supposed to get excited by that?" His eyes finally lit up as he reached the pair of Bunnies, hopping around and charging with static. "These ones are perfect! They're my favorite color and so full of energy. I think I'll- he began, before a loud roar forced him to look back at the Spikies. "Hey, hey, wait your turn! Cutting in is rude!" he shouted, recieving the Shotgun on his right arm. He attempted to get his sights, leveling the barrel with the tricky, fast-moving virus. "Let's see if you're ready to go for a ride with me," he said, his words carrying a heavy air. He released the shot at the virus, then quickly recieved another cannon from his operator and vaguely listening to more gushy lavishings she had prepared. He aimed at the Spiky he'd just attacked. "Improper conduct is no way to begin the first date," he proclaimed, firing a blast from the larger gun he had just recieved.

"W-well... I'll stand against the wall now and wait for them to make the next move. There's no point in dancing with everyone at the party, after all... I've got my eyes set on one already," he noted with a smirk, plugging his arms into the round sockets on his helmet and forming the rainbow light around them. "I sure hope I can get away with this... people at these types of parties tend to forget it's a dance and not a mosh pit."

Shotgun to SpikyA [50+splash]
Cannon to SpikyA [40]
Shield
The shotgun blast rends the air with a multitude of iron pellets. One of the Spikeys is caught full in the face while the spray continues on to delete the virus' leafy charge. The Cannon shot finds its mark, deleting the flaming virus. The other Spikey retaliates by hurling a flaming sphere at PassionMan, but the flames die out as they smash against an invisible barrier. The first shot had been a test, the virii would have to attack in earnest to delete this strange opponent.

SpikeyA: DELETED!
SpikeyB: 90
ShrubbyA: DELETED!
ShrubbyB: 50 (Behind Spikeys)
BunnyA: 50
BunnyB: 50

PassionMan: 80
"Emmy..." he said, putting on his cheesist tone of gratitude, "Might you have any more of those wonderful chips to give me? More presents? Like, as soon as p-possible?" PassionMan requested, holding his position. "Hold on... a thought just occured to me. Can I use chips while I'm in this mode? Can we try it out?"

"I'm always up for something new, Pashy," Emma agreed, nodding. "I'll send you a cannon right away."

"Thanks a ton, Emmy," he replied, glancing back at his opponents. It seemed now they all wanted a piece of him. He held his position, the rainbow energy returning to his body from where it had disappeared moments earlier. "All right now, let's see if we can make this work. Have you sent the chip data?" Upon recieving a sappy affirmation of both the chip data and love he had recieved from his doting operator, he tried to activate it. As expected, neither the left nor right arm seemed to be able to convert. "Let's see then... maybe..." PassionMan tinkered, eventually figuring it out. To his relief, the round white part of his helmet began to change shape, becoming a semblance of the Cannon weapon. "This is great! So, can I attack from this mode? I guess it's no good if I get hit twice, all the same. I think I should attend to those Bunnies now: they weren't bothering me earlier, but their energy is beginning to frighten me.

He turned to the group, kneeling down to level the head-cannon and firing it toward one of the two hopping targets. The helmet half-orb turned back to its normal shape as the shot was discharged. "Now, you've gotten a little taste of the kinds of things I can do," PassionMan told the Bunny he had not attacked, giving it a wink and strangely trying to beckon it over with one leg, standing surprisingly effortlessly on one. "Why don't you give up now? Come over here, and we can put that exhausting energy of yours to..." he stopped, grinning wider, "... better use?"

Shield
Cannon to BunnyA [40]
Sweet Nothings to BunnyB [40. stun]
Both Bunnies are severally damaged, one becoming stuck in place. A fireball crashes against the sheild, bringing it down, but not harming the odd navi.

SpikeyA: DELETED!
SpikeyB: 90
ShrubbyA: DELETED!
ShrubbyB: 50 (Behind Spikeys)
BunnyA: 10
BunnyB: 10

PassionMan: 80