PatrolMan's Homepage

If either Bayonet or Shuri had been expecting to arrive at a well-kept office, similar to Bayonet's own home away from work, that dream would come crashing down the moment they stepped down onto the pavement (PatrolMan being one of the few beings on the net who would actually request authentic asphalt for his net-based driveway). PatrolMan's house was the picture of a corrupt cop abode, living far outside the means of a public servant. The house was two stories with a balcony overlooking a swimming pool on the side and a garage alongside the front entrance. Just as Bayonet had predicted, the car was parked outside, despite the officer having a perfectly good garage to park it inside... and a perfectly good PET to keep it inside when he wasn't actually using it. It was sleek but large, with a wide body and low-rider frame. The sweeping, glass window curved forward more than up, never meeting a roof, as the vehicle was a convertible with its top pulled down. Blue lights sat at the front of the car, framing a large "N P" logo. Presumably, they'd flash blue and red when the alarm was on. One could only imagine how obnoxious that would sound. The car did look comfortable on the interior, with lush, white, leather seats... but a patrolman's car probably ought to be less about comfort and more about utility.

A long driveway extended out, seemingly into infinity, from the house. It would look pretty lonely, if PatrolMan and his car were the only ones here. Unfortunately, Bayonet had not correctly predicted the other distinct aspect of the scenery: there was a raucous, invite-all barbeque going on by the poolside, spilling over into the house and driveway. Bayonet and Shuri likely hoped there wouldn't be a lot of people staring at them today, but it became increasingly evident there was little chance of that happening. Not only were there tons of party-goers, but Bayonet and Shuri appeared to be, almost literally, the only women in attendance.

As Bayonet teleported down onto the net, she almost audibly swore at no one in particular and made a motion like she was going to grab a gun to begin mowing down enemies. She thought the better of it and fixed her eyes on the party's host. "This is your idea of commanding for the day, PatrolMan?" she greeted him coldly, tossing her hair back over her shoulder with a simple motion.

PatrolMan was a tremendous guy, with wide shoulders, wide arms, and a head that at once seemed too small, but with an extremely large chin that jutted out far from his face, yet not far enough to pass his puffed out chest armor. His armor was solid white, with a red N and blue P on the chest; it consisted of gloves, boots, a belt containing his logo (a front view patrol car), chest armor, and a helmet. His visor, spreading from ear to ear across his helmet, was metallic, with a slit across that annoyingly seemed to be persistently tilted into curled, smirking eyes, due to the angle of him looking down on everyone else. The inside of the visor looked solid black, as if he had no eyes inside. A black undersuit covered his body underneath the armor, clinging tightly to his overblown muscles. Worst, he'd added one additional article for the day: a white grilling apron, which boldly demanded that attendants kiss the cook. That must have looked pretty funny before any girls showed up.

He had his fists held to his hips and leaned forward challengingly, grinning widely as he did. Bayonet was tall, but he still had about a foot's height advantage over her. "I'm a great commander! What kind of policeman wants to do a bunch of stuffy office work when they can be at a fun barbeque party, right?" he chuckled, smirking as if he'd just made a fantastic point on how the NetPolice ought to be run from now on. He spread his giant hands into open palms and shook his head. "A police officer like you, I guess. But holy God of round, bouncy fun parts! You clean up well, Ma'am!" he guffawed, slowly patrolling around her to see every angle. She crossed her arms and let him. "Did you bring a friend, like I asked? If not, there's a penalty game you gotta play. I said that in the invite."

"I did," Bayonet replied, keeping her eyes on him as he maneuvered around. "And you didn't."

"Sure I did! Hey, you're talking back to a senior officer, Junior Petty Officer in Training Bayo! No good, especially not at the General's bee-bee-que! Loosen up!" he guffawed, stepping over to his car and resting one meaty bicep on the driver side door's upper frame. He looked like he'd practiced the pose. Shuri/Shina was sure to have a bucket of fun when she arrived.

Mostly, the party-goers were doing their own thing. Two other navis were also nearby: a tall robot-looking fellow wearing another robot-looking fellow as a backpack, was chatting with a pretty conventionally handsome, fit looking guy with white hair, which curled despite the fact that it was wet from swimming. His skin tone was pretty light and he had bright green eyes, which were vigilantly watching Bayonet while he stayed completely silent, not seeming as though he was really listening to his companion. Like many of the party's guests, he was wearing a bathing suit: his was a black speedo, which, combined with the constant staring, made him pretty hard to overlook.

If this was the real world, it would've been highly suspicious that PatrolMan's place was so...expansive. But since it was the Net, Shuri simply dismissed it as trying to compensate for something. Especially that car. She could see why Bayonet really didn't want that being standard issue.

With that, she focused her attention more on the party itself. Looked like they weren't exactly early...and that it was a sausagefest. That normally wouldn't bother her, but since she was unmasked...it made her just a little nervous. Okay, first off, she should check in with Bayonet, to let her know she was here. Deep breath...no one else would know that she was actually who she really was. She just needed to keep that in mind. She let out a wave over in her employer's direction, as she walked over to greet her. And so it began...

Bayonet turned to Shuri and saluted, not being the type to wave. PatrolMan watched, then copied it mockingly, grinning as he saluted the ninja. "Greetings and salutations!" he called out, coping his hands around his mouth as if to amplify his voice. He was a loud guy, in general, so he surely didn't need to worry about his volume. "You're Bayo's friend? I kinda figured her only friends were like... Aroma and that's it. Honest, I want quite sure Aroma even counted. I sorta figured she just had no friends," PatrolMan continued, laughing between sentences. "She knows how to pick some fiiiine-lookin' friends though. Oow! Wouldn't you two look good sitting in my convertible? Or on my convertible?"

Bayonet was just about physically sick with the jokes and cat-calling, so she interrupted. "Why did you bring us here? Are you honestly commanding me to enjoy your outdoor barbeque?" the NP Internal Affairs agent asked.

PatrolMan was only half listening. He was still oggling Shuri in a way that wasn't at all discreet, despite the visor. "What? Uh, not really, I'll get to that in a sec. But what's your friend's name, huh?" he asked, addressing the question to Bayonet instead of Shuri herself.

"Shina," Bayonet answered, betraying no emotion.

Interrupting the gathering, the man with the white hair and the black Speedo approached quickly, making a strange face as he eyed Shuri. His eyes were open and alert, but his nose kept twitching like he was either sniffing or fighting back a sneeze. "Shina?" he asked, in an uncomfortably familiar voice and entering uncomfortably close proximity to the ninja. "Pardon me, ma'am, I was just thinking... you look an awful lot like a friend of mine. She wears a mask though and if I remember correctly, she said she'd never take it off for any reason, so you can't be her," he resolved, crossing his arms and staring into Shuri's eyes. "I'll bet she'd be pretty like you, though, if she took her mask off..."

PatrolMan intervened this time, catching the man around the neck and putting him in a rear neck-lock beneath his bicep. "Alright, cool it! Sorry, this guy's a noob from Prosecutions named PuppyBoy-"

"HoundMan, Sir!"

"Right, that. Anyway, my point is he's a weird and stupid guy, so just ignore him," PatrolMan finished, then spun with his captive and released him in the other direction. "You should see the way he swims. The guy's mentally challenged," the big officer sneered. "Okay, I was saying something important... I got it! Your orders!" He perked back up and ignored HoundMan as the swimsuit-wearing navi ran back around to stand next to him and continue gawking at 'Shina.' "Yeah, today, I get to command you however I want! So the first thing I want you and your friend to do is wash my car," he announced. "That should be easy, right? I hear you clean little ships or something for a hobby so you probably know how to do it. Wait right here!"

He disappeared for a moment behind his garage, while HoundMan stood with the girls. "You're going to clean PatrolMan's car, ma'am?" he asked Bayonet, frowning as though confused.

"I suppose I am, Cadet," Bayonet answer in a painfully dry tone of voice.

"You too, Shuri? I mean, Shina. Apologies, ma'am!"

PatrolMan's remarks simply made Shuri squint at him. She didn't really care about the ogling, in part because it took his attention off her face. "...I'd rather not find out."

But as Bayonet shared her not actual name, someone else walked over. Great, it was going to be one of THOSE parties, wasn't it? ...Wait, that voice sounded kinda familiar. And her suspicions were confirmed, as it was revealed to be HoundMan. She was a little surprised, though. He wasn't nearly as hideous under his dog helmet as she would've thought. But she didn't really get much of a chance to respond to him, as the man in charge butted in. At which point she perfectly understood why Bayonet didn't like this guy. "You're going to make us wash your car? At a party?!" Normally, she would've been a little more tight lipped, but since only her employer knew who she really was, it'd be fine to be more outwardly emotional. "Do you even know what the word party means?!"

But of course, PatrolMan vanished for a moment, leaving 'Shina' with a pair of old acquaintances. One of which didn't know who she was, but realized that she was rather similar. She really oughta nip that in the bud. "Don't worry about it. Is it weird that this isn't the first time someone's confused me with someone named Shuri? A couple months ago someone said the same thing...makes me wonder what she's like." She placed her hands behind her head, and let it rest on them, as she pondered how weird it was to talk about herself like that. "Shuri...as in shuriken, I guess? Guess she'd be a ninja or something, huh?"

PatrolMan just laughed in response to Shina's indignation; he seemed to be enjoying teasing Bayonet, so he was all in for getting on Bayonet's friend's case as well. "Yeah, ha ha ha! I mean it, alright. We guys are going to enjoy barbeque and a show while I get my car nice and squeaky clean. If you girls are lucky and you do a good job, I'll let you have some afterward. You'll be hungry by then, I bet!" Then, he vanished behind the garage.

Rarely could Shuri have thought HoundMan was good company, but he had to be at least preferable to PatrolMan. He tilted his head as Shina continued to speak, showing his dog-like sense of curiosity but also slowness of understanding. His eyes lit up and he became more enthusiastic as they got to talking; if he had a tail, it would be wagging. "Yes ma'am, a ninja with a big shuriken on her back! She was kinda quiet and impersonal, but also responsible and sexy. A little like Officer Bayonet! Respectfully," he commented, his body freezing up as he seemed to recognize he probably shouldn't be talking about his commanding officer's sex appeal in earshot of her. "Yeah, you do look similar to Shuri, Shina. In fact, you even smell similar. Not to brag, ma'am, but I'm good at recognizing smells!"

Bayonet looked somewhat awkward around HoundMan, hanging back and letting Shuri do the talking. She probably realized she owed him for his role in the operation, but was equally convinced that Shuri had done most of the thinking in that mission... and also a bit wary of his speedo and tendency to pant around women.

There wouldn't be much more tune to shoot the breeze with her old acquaintance, however: PatrolMan came back, carrying two pales of soap water and some soft towels. "Ta-da! Bayo and Shina, here are your weapons!" he chuckled, then dropped the pales by the car rather than handing them over. "Now, you girls ought to know that this shine is particularly important! See, my baby girl it's getting an official inspection soon. I can't say a lot about it right now, but I want my inspector to see his reflection in her gleaming surface! Why don't you two go ahead and get started? I've got one more thing to get, but I'll be back in a second~"

"Please, take your time," Bayonet encouraged him dryly, glaring after him. "Ugh... Sorry, Shina. He's probably only taking so much joy in betraying me because I have a history of being a very strict commander. It probably makes him feel big." Sighing, she squatted and began to wet one of the rags to begin on the car. "I'll start with the right side. Why don't you take the left?" The left side just so happened to be the one on the side opposite from where PatrolMan would return.

As Bayonet began, a small number of foods were coming to watch, clearly not understanding what was going on: it was strange to see two girls washing PatrolMan's car and even stranger when one of those was a respected and possibly feared Internal Affairs officer. Many more were staring from further in the party but being discrete about it. Only HoundMan was up front (or clueless) enough to stand right near them as they worked. "Excuse me, ma'am!" he addressed Shuri, standing up straight. "I can help, if you want! Should I start on the rear of the car?" he asked, standing very still as he waited on her. It would probably be pretty funny, watching PatrolMan's reaction when he realized a handsome guy in swimming briefs was scrubbing his car in view of the other party goers.

If there was any doubt in 'Shina's' mind whether this man was HoundMan, his description of her would've erased it. It definitely sounded like her. Though, it was still weird to hear about herself like this. "I guess it'd makes sense I'd look like her...purple hair and purple eyes aren't too common, even on the Net." Of course, normally, her hair was covered up by her cowl...but someone that didn't know her wouldn't know that, obviously. She also declined to comment on the scent thing. Since...well, it was weird enough as is.

She didn't say anything once PatrolMan showed up, though she did try to look interested at the part where he couldn't say why he wanted it to look good. Even though she'd already been told about it. And once he left..."Yeah, can't say I really care for people like him...not. One. Bit." With that, she picked up a pail and headed for the left side. She noted that she was on PatrolMan's blind side...no doubt that Bayonet did that on purpose. She leaned over and got her towel wet, and started to wipe off her side. Naturally, she'd be on the lookout for any possible way to sabotage the car. She certainly wasn't about to let her employer's sacrifice, so to speak, be in vain if she could help it.

That said, HoundMan was eager to volunteer. If nothing else, he was certainly well-meaning...actually, on second thought, the 'commander's' reaction to that was probably good for a laugh. And if she was lucky, a man washing the car would get rid of a few prying eyes. "Oh, by all means. I appreciate the help!" Any other help, however, would be dismissed without hesitation. If she didn't already know who he was, she would've refused him as well.

HoundMan nodded enthusiastically, as he was always eager to please. The servatile man with dog-like tendencies grabbed hold of a spare rag, soaped it up, then began scrubbing before Bayonet could even begin. He was probably doing it faster than anyone could expect, eagerly scrubbing with both hands, but he was also probably not using the prerequisite care that a car washer ought to. His tail argue might be wagging, if he was wearing it right now. The whole scene was also pretty comical, as expected, with him leaning over the trunk of the car, his naked back and gorgeous white hair shining with moisture... not to mention that distracting black Speedo.

Bayonet even looked somewhat distracted herself, looking bewildered in a "how did I get into this mess" sort of way. "Yes, I'm most grateful as well. Thank you, HoundMan," she saluted, stiffly and dismissively. With that out of the way, she stopped watching and turned her attention back to Shuri. Her serious expression, although perhaps no more or less serious than usual, reminded Shuri of her goals. "As I said, it's not going to be a glamorous task. But, I do pride myself on my cleanliness and attention to detail, so I would be remiss if I didn't devote my attention to this, especially when commanded by my superior," she sighed, clearly not enjoying referring to PatrolMan in such a manner. True to her word, however, she began tending the car with professional speed and care, looking like a natural as she leaned over the hood and worked the towel in a circular motion.

Having his car cleaned by three of his coworkers, with at least one of them affording the task immaculate attention to detail, PatrolMan probably ought to have been content. Clearly he wasn't, because he broke up the quiet by emerging from behind the garage with a long, black, rubber water-hose, baring his teeth in a giant grin as he turned the nozzle and started spraying Bayonet from behind, directly on the butt. She straightened up immediately and hilariously, making a face like she'd swallowed something unpleasant, or was otherwise trying to give an attention-and-salute but had forgotten to raise her arm. "PatrolMan!" she snapped, but as soon as she turned, he refocused his attack, waving the stream of water up and down her body so that he hit her face and chest. She sat down on the car while doing her best to block her face.

"Hahaha! I just came to help you girls out, is all! Woah woah woah, easy on the car! Get your nails off, you'll scratch her!" he warned Bayonet, going immediately from jovial and juvenile to pompous and punishing. He ran over and grabbed her off the car forcefully, making an irritable expression. "You know how much abuse this baby goes through? It's like the net's out to get her! I'll thank you not to make her look any worse before the big inspection," he grumbled. His mood improved as he realized that her white t-shirt had become mostly transparent due to the water, though. "Mmm, Daddy like! You've got melons the size of melons!" PatrolMan taunted the high-ranked NP officer, which was certainly a fantastic career move on his part.

For his part, he wasn't wrong; Bayonet's rather fantastic assets were revealed somewhat, to the now audible excitement of the now encroaching crowd. It sounded like those encroaching were probably some of PatrolMan's actual buddies, as many of them seemed to share his propensity for cat-calling while also speaking his name. In response, Bayonet crossed her arms over the wet mound of her shirt, turning a bit red in spite of herself and looking like she was about to resort to some old fashioned pulling rank. She was cut off as one of the dudebros addressed the elephant in the room: "Is that a really butch, topless girl on the back of your car, PatrolMan, or is that a dude?"

"Cadet HoundMan, assisting Shina and Officer Bayonet with cleaning duties, Sir!" HoundMan saluted, giving a stiff salute. He turned to Bayonet, got a look at her newly unveiled, bikini-clad best assets, and did what HoundMan often did in such situations: hunched forward and began panting like a dog, which somehow looked even more awkward without his dog armor on. "Pardon me, Sir! I'm hot too now! Can you spray me too?"

PatrolMan curled his upper lip briefly, contemptuously, as if contemplating, then turned towards Shuri and ignored HoundMan. "Hold still!" he demanded, already bounding around the car to spray her with the hose, which was annoyingly long and not hampering his movements. He started spraying before he'd even rounded the hood. Of course, her ninja speed would make it easy to dodge if she wanted, but otherwise, she was in for a king-sized shower all over her own white t-shirt. The pair of full-white tees Bayonet had picked out was starting to look like a seriously unfortunate choice given their task today.

'Shina' smirked as HoundMan started assisting the washing. That oughta be a turn off for most of the people watching. Plus, without his normal costume, he actually...wasn't all that bad looking, now that she was really taking the time to get a good look at him. That was a surprise. But anyway, she needed to get started, and more importantly, get to know the car. She placed the wet towel next to the door, and started scrubbing. She wasn't going to do the best job ever, but good enough that she was definitely washing it. She'd give it a C+ effort.

Catching some movement, however, her eyes darted to the newly returned PatrolMan. Was that a hose? And...well, shoot. "Bayonet! Watch o-" ...Alas, even she wasn't quick enough, so the officer took a blast of water right in the butt. That curvy, yet probably firm butt. Mm-hmm. And afterward, another 'attack' rendered the T-shirt basically useless. She hardly minded the sight, but it had to be a little rough on the other Navi...come to think of it, she was probably next. Quickly, and without letting anyone see, she sent a message to her SP:

'Remove your ninja clothes, and prepare for transport. You'll be warped in where no one can see you, and when you are, immediately tear up the black hose in front you, then leave.'

While not Navi level bright, Shurimpy was pretty smart. She had little doubt that he'd pull through.

Before she could interject what was presently going on, HoundMan's presence was revealed, for a certain measure of revealed. And...well, it spoke for itself, really. It took some willpower just to not burst out laughing. But yep, definitely not regretting having him pitch in. Totally worth it.

The hose wielding Navi then prepared to strike...but so was she. Without moving a muscle, she willed her crustacean beneath the car (and without the traditional beam of light), who would reach out and give the tube a good snip. He wasn't strong enough to cut it in two, but he shohuld be good for killing any water pressure beyond that point. With that in her mind, she obeyed PatrolMan, and didn't move one bit. And if her plan didn't work...well, she wasn't that against showing her body off.

Bayonet waved off Shuri's concern, setting back into a stoic frown as she attempted to wring out her shirt a bit. "This man-child is so fixated on his infantile mischief that I can hardly imagine how he ever managed to get into the police force," she sighed, staring towards the crowd so as to avoid watching her friend get soaked. After all, that was sure to happen... only, she realized after a moment that the crowd was still watching expectantly and she heard no sounds of Shuri protesting. After a while, it became evident that PatrolMan's hose was malfunctioning in some aspect, although nobody was really looking in the right place to figure out why. "Hmph. I'm not surprised that it's not in a functional state of repair," she scolded the cadet.

"Ease up, sheesh! I just created this thing. I don't ordinarily just keep a hose lying around my house, that's for normal people," PatrolMan grumbled, staring at Shuri's t-shirt and wondering why he couldn't see through it yet. "Dammit, come on... You're making me look stupid in front of everybody!" He then proceeded to step on it a few times, as though blocking pressure from the hose was just the way to get it to start dispensing water again.

Shuri's SP had managed to cut the rubber hose some time ago, and now all the body of the hose was doing was spraying pressurized water across the ground and across his front tires. He only noticed this when he yanked on the hose to bring it towards himself, but only to receive the newly-formed cut-off point in one hand. "Hey, do you think hoses just grow on trees or something?! What a dirty trick from someone like you, Bayonet!" he accused his superior. The crowd laughed, as the whole skit was pretty slapstick.

"You did just say that you just made the hose-" Bayonet reminded him.

"Nuh uh, this thing was a family heirloom! I'm going to make you pay for that..." PatrolMan responded, shaking his head fervently. He cleared his throat with a theatrical "ahem," then crossed his arms behind his back and grinned, preparing to give another order. "You girls have gotten a nice start on my car-!"

"The Cadet back there has actually done more than we have, since he hasn't been occupied in the same ways we have," Bayonet pointed out with a dry, unamused expression.

"-BUT! I think you've already gotten those rags too stained from all the wiping. You should switch out something fresh! I know! Both of you two have nice, moist rags to wipe down with!" he chuckled, pausing to look at the audience and see if they were with him. Nobody really knew what he was talking about and just stared blankly instead. He frowned, then pulled his armor away from his upper body as much as he could to indicate what he was referring to. "Your shirts! Both of you, take off your shirts and use those to wipe down my car! And this time, put a little more concentration into it, okay? Don't get distracted so easily!"

"Is all of that a command?" Bayonet asked, keeping her brow level and stern, although the answer was obvious.

"Yes! Both of you, I command you to wipe down my car using your wet t-shirts!" he repeated. "Don't make me say it again, or I'll demote you to army barber!"

"Sir! I don't have a shirt. Should I take off my-?" HoundMan started, then yelped as PatrolMan set off a high-pitched police alarm by leaning in and honking the horn of his car.

"Nooo-ho-ho-noooo! You're damaging my cred enough as it is," he warned the Prosecutions cadet. "Come on, take off those shirts, ladies! Your sabotage has only prolonged the inevitable! Buuuut... I have something else that will help. It's right here~" he announced, raising his hands above his head. He'd come prepared and clearly had in mind what he wanted out of this car wash, apparently. The item that appeared, held aloft above his head in both of his overly meaty hands, was an old fashioned boombox. Grinning, he pressed the button on top until a song he cared for came up, which was a fast-paced, hip-hop track. "I thought maybe I'd enjoy seeing the two of you soap up my car more if I had some music to go along with it! Try to be a little uh... rhythmic, why don't you?" Bayonet started to raise her hand and ask another question, but he made a motion with his own to mimic lowering it. "Yes, that is an order, Bayo!"

The Department of Internal Affairs officer frowned with obvious distaste, slowly peeling her wet shirt off of her body while the music picked up tempo. The crowd gave the reaction PatrolMan wanted this time: whistles and cat calls. Looking at Bayonet's body and bikini choice, a fashionable two piece with her favorite flag printed across it, one would imagine she must get such a response anywhere she showed it off. HoundMan hunched closer to the car and watched, panting again while hunching his body and raising his butt, just like a dog might. Shuri began to realize that, based on his behavior during the earlier mission, he might start getting aroused soon as well, which would be awkward for everyone watching given his state of dress. "I don't see how this music could enhance the experience at all, though. It feels like another form of torture," Bayonet cringed, crossing her forearms at her chest and holding her upper arms, as if hugging herself. It only figured that she wouldn't like hip-hop, as she did have a tendency to act like an old-timer.

"I'd probably say the same thing if I heard your taste in music," PatrolMan laughed, then turned to Shuri. "Remember my orders, Shina! Take that rag off and start wiping down my car, nice and rhythmically!"

Shuri stood there, entirely calm as she was not doused by the hose. She silently sent her SP off without a trace, quite happy at making a fool out of PatrolMan in front of everyone. She nearly started to add salt in the wound, but he rebounded too quickly for her to get a proper chance. Pity.

And in a move she entirely expected, the NetPolice Navi ordered them to remove their T-shirts and use them to wipe his car off. She knew they weren't surviving this the moment she first saw PatrolMan. She'd really like to point out that she wasn't actually NetPolice, and technically his threats held no sway over her...but that might reflect poorly on Bayonet, and not making the employer look bad was Mercenary 101. With a sigh, she yanked off her dry shirt with little to no fanfare, then looked across the car to see Bayonet in her bikini, which was becoming a common sight for her. Not that she minded. Mmm-hmm.

But she wasn't getting paid to watch the show. Well, in a way, she was, since she was going through this with her, but for extra payment, she needed to figure out how to sabotage this car without getting seen. ...Actually, it'd be easier to do that if she knew more about it. And no one knew more about it than the Navi with the boom box. Since the music was annoying her as well, she might be able to kill two birds with one stone.

"Hey, PatrolMan? What's so special about this car, anyway? Looks big and nothing else to me. And...can you turn that down when you answer? I can barely even think right now, much less hear!" If she was lucky, he'd blab something about it that'd help her out. And even if he didn't, she might get him to turn down that racket. Either would count as a win in her book.

PatrolMan stared back at Shuri first blankly, then with a frustrated frown. "What's so special about my baby girl?! You have eyes, don't you? Just look at this exterior! This baby is like a street-racer's car! Sexy, full of function, insane top-speeds you wouldn't believe! It's got-!" he started shouting, then realized that the volume was making it hard to talk over his music. He turned it down just a smidge so that he wouldn't have to yell to be heard. "My baby's got everything you'd want out of a car... you ever cruised across the net topless?" he asked, then grinned. "Cause I'd like to see it! But I mean, with no hood... The feeling of the wind whipping around you is the greatest in the world, Shina! But uh, I guess all cars have that... But more to the point! The speed. My car goes in recklessly and at full velocity. Why, she isn't happy unless I'm gunning her down at 80 MPH, and that's just the appetizer. When I get a big enough open stretch of net, I just hammer that pedal down and the speedometer just flies past the hundreds!"

"I hear that the integrity of the car's body has been an issue in some of your previous assignments, though," Bayonet remarked, seeming in no hurry to get to rhythmically washing his car. Thankfully, he didn't notice.

"Ha! Driving a car like this is like having sex: the less safe it is, the more awesome it feels!" he guffawed, then reached out to some unknown in the crowd for a high five. It was a testament to the average male NP officer in that at least the crowd at large wasn't laughing along with him. "There's no stupid crap like airbags in this, although I've got seatbelts, at least. For, y'know, sissies I happen to ride with. But I mean, sure, it falls apart kinda easy. But that's just cause the net doesn't respect it like they should! Ideally, all those stupid, idiot no-cars out there ought to shut up and admire this wonderful piece of engineering," he smirked, running his hand over the hood again. "Also, one of those times was a big pit of lava that just appeared out of nowhere, alright? Let's see your boat get through a bunch of lava without burning up! I don't think you'd do any better," he pouted, turning the accusation around on Bayonet.

"I suppose not. Perhaps you're just the type to prompt others to attack your car, however," she sighed.

"All those haters just be jealous," the thuggish police officer laughed. "Damn, I can't stay mad at you girls when you've got asses like that! Tell you what, I'll let you know a bit more about her. She's got nitro that, when deployed, allows me to exceed all street-legality and reach way past400 mph! No human can enjoy speed like that, but, you know, I'm tougher than any of those douchebags. What else... She's got a built in siren, for when there's an emergency to respond to. You know, sometimes, I just blast it to keep the stooges out of my way! It really sucks when you're cruising at 100 mph and other navis or whatever just keep getting in your way, so that just tells them to watch the hell out," he chuckled. He slammed down on the siren to demonstrate; it was as loud and annoying as anyone could fear. "Mmmm! She's got the sexiest siren, I swear!"

"Most navis don't need a siren, since we officers can simply teleport to location," Bayonet grumbled, grabbing his forearm and dragging his hand off of the button. The way his face tensed up made it look like she might have more arm-strength than he did.

He nursed his arm as discretely as he could, then pointed out with one finger. "Both of you are disobeying direct orders! I said scrub that car with those rags, and I said to do it rhythmically, in a visually pleasing manner!" he shouted.

"Sir! I have been rhythmically washing your car as requested, Sir!" HoundMan responded, giving a sharp salute.

"Oh, shut the hell up," PatrolMan groaned, pressing one hand to his face. To sooth his nerves (and get on everyone else's), he cranked the music up again. "Girls, get on it! HoundMan, get off it!" The cadet complied with no back-talk, moving away from the rear of the vehicle.

Fortunately, Bayonet seemed as though she may have some idea of why Shuri had asked about the car (even if none of the response she'd gotten was particularly helpful or technically detailed). As such, she began doing her best to distract PatrolMan from her friend. She leaned across the hood and wiped it with her shirt (which was, of course, less effective than the rag she'd been using originally). She didn't really know what rhythm entailed, especially since she could hardly recognize hip-hop as having a rhythm, but she closed her eyes and swayed her hips to the left and right slowly as she worked. That seemed to be more or less what PatrolMan wanted, as he responded by giddily clapping his hands together and watching.

That meant that his attention was well away from Shuri. Before she could focus on anything else, however, HoundMan arrived, having nothing else to occupy him since being called off of washing duty. "Ma'am! Shina, if you want, it would be my great pleasure to watch and ensure that you are getting a perfect clean and you're moving well within the timing as set by PatrolMan's music, Ma'am!" he offered. "I have an excellent sense of hearing as well, so I'm great when it comes to drills requiring expert sense of synchronization! A-And I really want to watch. Respectfully! Ma'am!" he finished, giving her another very upright salute. It was true that while PatrolMan was huddled as close over by Bayonet as he could get without being on her, it wasn't really possible for HoundMan to get a look at what she was shaking, and as Shuri knew, HoundMan was unfortunately the type that really enjoyed watching Bayonet's butt. That aside, as sorry as she may feel that the cadet wasn't enjoying the same luxury as PatrolMan, it was also true that him watching could blow up whatever plan she made to sabotage the car.

Several things popped in 'Shina's' head as PatrolMan went on about his car. First off, was there really a woman with standards so low she'd actually have sex with this guy? Second, if it came apart as easily as it sounded, she wouldn't even have to do any sabotage. And most importantly, for a guy that was bragging about his car, he wasn't giving her much useful info. Did he even know that much about it? That nitro bit, however, came across as being rather easy to mess up. If she could get a little more info on that, she might be able to figure out how to sabotage it. Without actually bringing anything up, she ran a quick search, to educate herself...

...Hmm. She wasn't a chemistry expert, but if the car's engine system was like one in the real world...a plan started to take shape in her mind. But she needed to know about that engine to be sure. "You know, I do have to admit...this does look just like a human car. Or is that only true of the appearance? If you could pull off 400 miles an hour with a normal car engine, I'd be a little impressed, honestly..." Yes, stroke that ego. If her hunch was right, the insides would be like a real car's, and that meant her idea was a-go.

But first, she needed to deal with HoundMan. She could certainly sympathize with not being able to watch Bayonet's rhythmic butt shaking, but...actually, wait. In her plan, Shurimpy was going to be the one doing the dirty work. So, if anything, she should actually draw attention. And, if she followed orders, she'd draw some eyes...and to areas other than her face, which she was more comfortable with. Win-win. "In that case, I appreciate the help. Let's see...the rhythm for this song, such that it is, is...duh, duh, duh, duh...duh, duh, duh, duh...right?" She moved over towards her side of the car's hood, gently set her former T-shirt on it...and started rhythmically moving her entire body back and forth, as she started to work on cleaning it, placing some extra emphasis on hip movement. She was moving rather far long on the hood, too...far enough that some of the watery mixture would end up on her and her outfit. Which didn't really bother her, since that'd only get more attention.

Of course, there was another angle to Shuri's actions. If PatrolMan was sufficiently aroused by a woman getting soaked in the process of washing his car's hood, he might just let her be, and tell her about the engine without actually showing it off. That, in turn, meant that Shurimpy could get to work with no one the wiser. As a bonus, she could take responsibility for any noise he made in there. But that was all moot without answers, so she stayed quiet and awaited a response...

"Hey, they still have some nice toys, even out there in the boring old real world. So shouldn't I have nice toys like that too? The answer is: ooooooooooh, yeah!" PatrolMan laughed, placing one hand on the driver side door of his car and rubbing it slowly and affectionately. "And uh... you can be street legal even at a max speed of 450 or something. But it's not a competition! Even if it was, I'd be winning, cause nobody else has a car," the officer boasted, pressing a thumb to his chest with a cocky, self-important smirk.

Shuri could see Bayonet narrowing her eyes and could imagine her thinking to herself: "until you pass the proposal for everyone to have a useless car of their own... then yours went even be unique any longer." Bayonet let out an exasperated sigh, as if to confirm.

"What's it looks like inside? Uh... I don't really know... maintenance and all that crap isn't something I have to worry about with my ride. This is the net, baby!" the big man guffawed, finally answering Shuri's question. It would be pretty amazing if the car had actual insides to sabotage, any further than what was necessary to make it look cool.

HoundMan was about to die for some attention, so Shuri threw the dog a bone, so to speak, figuring it would also serve get purposes of keeping Shurimpy hidden. The hapless cadet nodded enthusiastically. "G-Good! You're already good at it!" he encouraged Shina, at the same time revealing what was probably obvious: he never really had any idea how to help her, but rather, just really wanted to watch her be sexy. That appeared to be the majority opinion; now that she was acting consensually sexy, the crowd didn't feel so bad whistling at her and cheering her on.

"There you go, girl! I thought you were a stick in the mud like Bayo here, but turns out you know how to shake that thang! Uh... know how to wash a car, I mean," PatrolMan praised her, eagerly watching her stretch across the car towards him. Hypocritically, he didn't seem to mind her body getting all over his car in the service of washing it like he'd asked, whereas he'd asked Bayonet not to lean on it earlier. He also seemed very distracted.

Speaking of which, while the plan was working well, it was perhaps working too well on HoundMan, who was now rapidly painting and looking his tongue like a dog in between brief, silent gaps where he would valiantly attempt to stop doing so, then promptly start again. He was hunched in a way that hid it from the crowd, but it was pretty clear that she was getting a reaction in his swimsuit area too, from her own angle. L
"Uuuu... I-If you still need help, Shina, Ma'am, let me know! I can... uh..." he paused, trying to think of something that sounded helpful and not just horny. "I can... use my hands to show you the best way to move! Right! Respectfully!" She might want to put a rush on this sabotage thing.

Bayonet also had a view of the well-meaning but entirely inappropriate cadet; that was obvious from the fact that she'd suddenly averted her eyes and red around the cheeks. I.e. was sort of a cute look and one Shuri hadn't been able to see so far, given that she was brainwashed into shamelessness at one point and otherwise tended to be serious and proud. But then, she had also admitted to being a virgin earlier while under the influence. She was probably eager for Shuri to get the sabotage over with so that she could stop being a distraction... but until then, she had to work. She made a show of wiping sweat from her forehead, then tossed her luxurious hair over her toned, glistening shoulders. "It's odd that it can feel so much more temperate while out of one's attire," she remarked off-handedly. It would probably occur to Shuri that her employer was hot due to embarrassment rather than the sun or the exertion.

A brighter man than PatrolMan would probably take this opportunity to cool her off with the hose some more, but being a dullard, he just chuckled with self satisfaction at seeing her degrade herself. "What's the matter? Washing my car is too tough for you, Bayo?" Bayonet broke the ruse by giving him a Dee death glare that actually caused him to shut his lips momentarily. "Yeah, uh... when you're hot you're hot," he joked. "Hey, girls! How about you both pay special attention to the grill, huh? That thing is probably full of guts from me running over viruses!" he ordered the two girls. In reality, there wasn't much in there... seeing as, well, the whole car was annoyingly clean already. "I've got a nice surprise for both of you if you get it nice and clean!"

The more PatrolMan talked, the more Shuri could see why Bayonet didn't like him one bit. He was obnoxious, stupid, and just talking to him was a chore. But at least he eventually answered her question, even though it wasn't really what she wanted to hear. Also, he was easily distracted, as her shaking and rubbing on his car seemed to distract everyone. Now was the time to strike.

----------------

Back in the PET, Shurimpy got new orders, along with some design specs. It was roughly how a car engine looked, along with a chemical formula. Its duty...see how the insides of the car looked, and if it was indeed like a real car, plant a small amount of that chemical inside a certain part of it. For a normal virus, this would probably be asking too much...but this was Shurimpy. Plus, it probably helped that it had a SP's intelligence, and not a virus's. With a silent nod (and still not wearing its ninja clothes), it headed on to the homepage, to do its job.

================

With no beams of light, or any sort of fanfare, the crustacean SP warped back in, once more underneath the car. But instead of poking a claw out like last time, it simply looked up, to see what the vehicle had to offer. If it was mostly similar to the image Shuri had sent, it'd crawl through the innards, to find the spot where the nitro was, and pour in a little bit of tetranitromethane, the chemical that had been mentioned by its master. Not enough to be a serious danger, but enough that, when activated, the nitro boost would basically blow up the engine, and make it look like a disaster waiting to happen.

Meanwhile, Shuri was more than happy to continue cleaning the hood provocatively. By now, her borrowed swimsuit was absorbing enough moisture that it was really starting to stick to her body...nothing explicit, but now it was extra form fitting. She took a moment to check over at Bayonet, who was all embarrassed over having a good view of HoundMan. It didn't last, but she looked adorable while she had it...it was almost a shame to see it go. Ah well.

Upon hearing the request to clean up the grill, for a certain measure of cleaning up, she stopping cleaning for a moment, trying to decide whether that was a better spot for her to be in. ...Though, with the music blaring, it was doubtful that PatrolMan would notice. She firmly wrung out her T-shirt over the hood, then gave it one good wipe towards her, allowing the sudsy water to splash on her scantily clad body. "That's fine, I was about done here anyway."

Hopefully, by now her SP was working on sabotaging the interior, however it looked. But, she did need to make sure Bayonet didn't wreck anything by accident due to her SP's looks, so she motioned for her to head over to the front. Once she was, she'd get as close as she could without getting cat calls from a certain pervy audience, and let her know in as few words as possible: "If you see a Shrimpy inside, don't worry."

No one noticed or knew to look for Shurimpy inside the car, thus, he went undiscovered as he went about sabotaging the nitro. PatrolMan was buying everything Shuri was selling, so to speak, and decided to let her know by blaring the alarm of his car, which was unpleasant for Shuri but would have to be horrible for her SP, since he was still inside. "Bahaha! That's great!" he laughed, slapping the alarm horn repeatedly. This could get pretty dangerous, if his nitro button was anywhere near his the button for the horn. After a certain number of horn noises, HoundMan squatted on his haunches and started howling like a dog, which was certainly a wake-up call as to how annoying his repeated use of the alarm was. "Alright, alright! I'm stopping. Sheesh, you really are like a dog..."

"Sorry, Sir! As I mentioned earlier, I have super-sensitive hearing, so every time you use that horn, it's somewhat painful for me. Respectfully! Sir!" HoundMan finished, giving a salute from his ridiculous dog position.

This gave Shuri a small opening to talk to Bayonet. The officer nodded, not questioning why Shuri chose a Shrimpy of all things to sabotage the inside of PatrolMan's car. She then switched her attention back to their host. "Really, PatrolMan? Because despite your name, I gather you aren't well known for patrolling the virus-ridden parts of the net for the safety of the citizenry. I hear you spend most of your time in the civilized areas of the net, such as the net squares and Internet City," she pointed out, further injuring his cred.

"Humph... shows what you know. There's a lot of crime in Internet City too, y'know? We can't rely on the GNA to do anything there," the officer scoffed. "See, just for that, I'm going to give just Shuri the surprise! She really deserves it more than you do, since she's doing better cleaning my car AND being sexy!"

"... I didn't realize we were ordered to be sexy," Bayonet added, her lips holding a passive, unamused frown.

"Of course you were! That's what rhythmic meant. Duh!" the big man grumbled. Eager to improve his own mood, he made his way back over to Shuri, holding his hands behind his back. "Here you go! A surprise, for all your hard work so far!" he snickered, presenting a compact data packet, in the form of an envelope rather than a diamond, although with the same shimmering surface. Without asking, he reached out, grabbed the side chain of her swimsuit, yanked it out a bit further than was kosher, and shoved the packet into the side of it like a client paying a professional stripper or lapdancer. "That's for a job well done so far! I'm good to those who are good to me!" he guffawed, apparently forgetting the abuse he'd levied against her so far. "Now, finish cleaning that grill! Nice and 'rhythmic'-like. You get it, right? Right?" She could imagine him winking, but couldn't really see past the visor.

Bayonet wasn't sullen for the lack of attention or anything. She started cleaning the grill the same way she'd been doing it earlier. Not satisfied with this, the great big galoot grabbed hold of her waist, just shy of grabbing her luscious hips, and moved her closer to Shuri, into that distance that Shuri had avoided earlier for the sake of sparing them both catgirls. "Stay close, like this, so that I can watch both of you at once!" he chuckled. HoundMan began whimpering again, as the party's host was effectively monopolizing the best spot again.

((Shuri received... just 100z.))

"Aggghhhh!" Even Shuri, who had trained herself to have total focus, no matter the distraction, couldn't help but flinch as the alarm went off. But she could only imagine the agony her SP was going through...fortunately, HoundMan helped make sure everyone didn't go deaf. She let out a sigh of relief, and made a mental note to thank him for that later.

Inside the engine, while it hadn't made a single sound the entire time, Shurimpy's eyes were watering from the pain of hearing the alarm from that close a range. But despite this, he trudged on, looking for the nitro. Luckily, he didn't have much further to go, and located it. He gently unscrewed the top, and with his other claw, generated and poured just a tiny amount of the specified liquid inside it, before quickly letting the rest dissipate into nothing. He recapped the nitro, and immediately jacked out, with no outward signs of doing so, of course.

Meanwhile, the incognito ninja found herself 'surprised', as she acquired an insultingly small amount of cash. Somehow, she could see PatrolMan having quite a bit of experience in the act of giving scantily clad women small amounts of cash. She immediately transferred it, since she wasn't one to turn down money like that...but she was sufficiently irked to turn around and face the Navi, hands on her hips in irritation. "Look, but don't touch. Got it?" If he did that again, she might fling a shuriken or two into that visor, secret identity be damned.

Suddenly, a private message came up. It was from...Shurimpy? Since when did he learn to type?

'DONE'

Well, that was nice of him to let her know. Now she could just do whatever she felt like. And since she'd basically just wrecked his car, the least she could do was give PatrolMan a little show in return. She placed her rag shirt on the grill, and began to move back and forth, allowing her entire upper body to sway with her hips. Essentially, wherever her butt was going, the rest of her went with it. If she was lucky, it'd even shut him up for a moment...though she wasn't banking on it. The man was incapable of keeping quiet. That much she could tell from this so-called party.

"Aaaaw, come on, baby! You're saying one thing, but your body's saying a whole different thing!" the annoying PatrolMan guffawed, evidently forgetting that she was only doing that because he'd commanded her to. "And I like what your body's saying more! Mmmm~hmhm!" On the bright side, Shurimpy managed to get his job done and then escape the car before PatrolMan could scare the life out of him with another alarm-horn blast. On the downside, nothing was going to shut PatrolMan up. Nothing. Or at least that was the way it seemed. "Suuuweeet! Aw damn! How can you say that and then treat me this way?!" he howled, looking as though he was having a very hard time keeping his hands off.

HoundMan looked like he was facing similar problems, kept only from being indecent by the placement of his arms as he squatted; they were held between his legs with palms against the ground, furthering the dog imitation. "Y-You're really good at that, Shina... Ma'am..." he complimented her. "But I won't pay you! Since you don't want me to... Respectfully..."

"Idiot! Why would you pay her to wash my car? That's all she's doing: washing my car," PatrolMan boasted. He apparently figured that if he couldn't touch Shina, that meant he could touch Bayonet, and thereby looped his arm around her bare shoulders. "Where'd you meet her, huh? Sure couldn't have been at one of your Internal Affairs meetings or faction negotiation summits..."

"... We met on a mission," Bayonet answered, which wasn't a lie. "Shina here is a good friend of mine and I'd appreciate it if you'd show her some more respect." She'd probably also repeat being shown some respect herself.

"C'mon, it's my day off! This is like the one day where I don't have to show respect," PatrolMan responded, grinning but acting impatient. He seemed to be waiting for something, but also appeared to be unable to wait for whatever it was any longer.

"When have you ever showed respect to anyone?"

"I just paid Shina, didn't I? That's respect! Anyways, I think we can all agree that you girls have gotten my car as clean as I could ask for. Such a good job that I'm thinking about letting you both off the hook for a job well done! Good work!" he responded, laying it on thick and clearly leading up to something. "The next one will be easy, so don't worry." Bayonet crossed her arms and shrugged his arm off with one jerk of her shoulder. If she was in uniform, she'd probably look pretty imposing doing that, but she wasn't, so it was hard to get past her assets, which evoked a different feeling that intimidation. That feeling clearly motivated him as he continued. "So, my car is looking good now and I think that the bigwigs are going to be real pleased. But you know what isn't clean yet? My armor! Golly Moses, I haven't cleaned it at all! I think that you girls are going to need to clean my armor," he finished, smiling big and crossing his arms as if in preparation to defy their protests.

Bayonet didn't protest, but she raised an eyebrow. "Are you going to take it off here?" she asked, seeming unsure as to whether she wanted the answer to be yes or no.

"Why? You want me to? No, Bayo, I'm not taking it off. That's the point. Get it?" he chuckled, sitting on the hood of his car. "Good!"

"Fine. I'll finish that, then you let us both leave-"

"Oh, and uh... Yeah, that's right! HoundMan oughta get a cleaning too, right? So Shina, you clean his armor up!"

HoundMan's ears perked up. "I'm not wearing any armor, though," he responded, pointing out a fact that was already quite apparent to everyone.

"Sure you are! You're wearing that, aren't you?" he chortled, making a V motion over his own groin to indicate HoundMan's trunks. "Shina, you wash those!" The cadet's head jerked towards Shina with lightning speed; if he had his armor's dog ears, they'd probably be perked up right now. He had his mouth shut in an almost painful expression of focus and tension as he awaited her answer, like a dog waiting to fetch a frisbee his owner was going to throw. While it was already an awkward request, it was going to be made all the more awkward by what she already knew HoundMan was packing... which probably wasn't going away at the thought of being given a scrubbing by the sexy, half-naked ninja. PatrolMan laughed again. "C'mooon! Do it and you and Bayo are free to go! You are Bayo's friend, aren't you? How about it? Alright, okay... Here's option two... You don't have to do it, but if you don't, Bayo has to do something extra for me, and I'm not saying what it is!"

"... I'm not having-" Bayonet answered, looking slightly red in the face.

"Not that!" PatrolMan chuckled.

Hearing that, Bayonet turned her eyes back to her supposed friend, looking suspicious of PatrolMan's offer. "You've done your part already. Reject the proposal, and I'll simply finish whatever it is that this idiot wants me to do," she instructed Shuri. "Then we can both leave this place." The crowd was on pins and needles as well... either because the situation was gripping and involving, or because they knew that they needed to give the situation a sense of gravity so as to avoid Bayonet realizing that she really didn't need to do all of this just because PatrolMan won an office lottery.

The one day he didn't have to show respect? If he was like this at all normally, Shuri could imagine it wasn't just today...no wonder he was stuck with grunt work. Anyway, the instant he said they were done, she stopped, and tossed what was formerly a T-shirt into the bucket. But there was always a catch, as armor cleaning was next. She frowned at the very thought of getting near him, but held her tongue. But as it turned out, her fears were unfounded, as she did not, in fact, have to clean PatrolMan. Instead, she drew HoundMan. While it wasn't exactly a pleasant assignment, at least he didn't make her feel like she was covered in sludge just from talking to him. And admittedly, without the dog outfit, he wasn't exactly terrible to look at...she kinda felt bad for Bayonet. All things considered, she really lucked out compared to her.

But her fortune continued, as she ended up getting an out. The problem, however, was that the terms were completely unacceptable to her. She was still serving as a mercenary, after all. And anything that put the client in any sort of peril was a no-go. And anything involving PatrolMan and a lack of knowledge of what he was up to counted as peril in her book. "It's fine, Bayonet. If it'll get us out of here quicker, I'll get on it. ...Just remember, we're both gone after this. No trying to weasel out of it, or trying to make us do other things after that. Got it, PatrolMan?"

With that, she bent over to grab the T-shirt rag (giving everyone a nice view of her from behind in the process), picked it up, and walked over to HoundMan. Her expression was pretty stoic, but her red cheeks made it clear that she was feeling some sort of emotion. Most likely embarrassment. It was times like this she wanted her mask, so no one could tell she was blushing..."...Let's get this over with. The faster I do this, the faster we can stop feeling awkward as hell."

Bayonet narrowed her eyes and frowned, but didn't protest when Shuri offered to stay. Either she respected Shuri for making the decision to stay, or she was earnestly admitting to herself that she might not have made it through whatever extra stipulation PatrolMan had added. "You didn't have to do that... but I appreciate it," the officer added.

The party host looked momentarily shocked that Shina had decided to stay and take him on up the request to wash HoundMan's speedo, then momentarily irritated that by allowing her to do that, he'd failed to get whatever extra he was going to make Bayonet do. Finally, he shrugged, smirked, and snickered, raising his giant hands into an open-palmed gesture of indifference. "You must really be one of Bayonet's friends, huh? Have you ever washed a dog before, huh? They stink, you know? You're going to be washing a stinky dog's sausage wrap? You're really okay with that, huh?" he taunted her, moving his large biceps so that his arms were crossed and then grinning earpiece-to-earpiece. He seemed to have decided that if she was going to rob him of his fun with Bayonet, he was just going to bully her instead to make up the net loss in jollies.

"Answer the question, PatrolMan," Bayonet ordered the king-for-a-day, with a sharp snap that made him straighten up in spite of himself.

"Yeah... Okay, yeah, that'll be the last part. Scout's honor!" he swore, saluting the two of them with a lazy swipe of his two-extended fingers, only giving the roughest approximation of a proper scout's salute.

The crowd was a mixture of gasps and murmurings amidst the old whistles and so forth as they tried to comprehend what they were really watching. Bayonet grabbed her rag, wet it, and began to slowly run it across PatrolMan's helmet, understanding that he was just going to get angry if she moved it too hard and splashed water all over him too badly. She also understood that, obviously, he didn't really need his armor washed, so she was really just going through the motions. Getting his head required her to stand in front of him as he leaned on the car, leaning over him slightly and stretching her arms up to reach the top, as he was very tall. If she was a little taller or he a little shorter, he'd be getting a better view of her boobs, but instead he had to settle for tilting his head down, making it easier for her to reach but at the same time giving him a great view from the top-down of her impressive rack. "It's gotta be hard to stand on your toes like that," he chuckled. "C'mon, just lean in a little closer and I'll just... put my hands right here... to steady you-" As he nearly had his fingers clenched onto her hips, Bayonet whipped his hands away by coiling the wet towel up, making a surprising snapping noise. This caused him to retract one of his hands and shake it bitterly.

"O-Oh?! We're really doing it?" HoundMan asked, sounding like his voice was about to crack. While his face was handsome, he wasn't making the best expression now, rapidly flapping out his tongue and panting heavily. Unfortunately, he was probably doing exactly what she was hoping he wouldn't; namely, staring right into her face unabashedly, rather than looking anywhere at her body. "R-Respectfully! It's a great honor for me, Shina! I can go as fast or as slow as you want me to!" It almost sounded like he had something else on his mind. He didn't assume a position against the car like PatrolMan had, but still kept one hand against it to brace himself, almost like he didn't know what to expect. With his body mostly straightened out, he unfortunately had no way to hide the embarrassing state of the front portion of his swimsuit. That part of him had probably reached about the maximum state it was going to, having achieved an impressive size; if it was able to go any further, he was probably going to have a wardrobe malfunction, because it was hard to see how it would fit into the tiny swimsuit without peaking out somewhere. "D-Don't worry about this... It's nothing at all! It's... a sign of respect! Think of it that way, Ma'am!" he encouraged her, fixing his mouth into a smile that still looked strained and awkward as the sign of respect loomed before Shuri.

PatrolMan's egging didn't faze Shuri a bit. If it meant getting out of there faster, there wasn't all that much she wouldn't do. A little later, she heard what sounded like the crack of a whip...unless someone in the area had an actual whip, it was probably Bayonet replying to a less than savory move by the obnoxious policeman Navi. She only wished she was looking in that direction when it happened.

Speaking of looking in directions, something made the scantily clad ninja Navi look up. Much to her dismay, she found HoundMan looking right back at her. She could feel her cheeks turning even redder, not at all used to being stared at like that. "C-Could you, um, not look at me like that? Or at all? It's making this even more awkward than it already is..." She took a deep breath, to compose herself...it wasn't like she hadn't done worse to less attractive Navis. But, never out in the open like this. If she ever did that, it was usually in the dark, where no one could see her. Here, in broad daylight...it was actually fairly nerve wracking for her. But, she said she'd do it, and it meant the other female Navi wouldn't have to do that 'other thing'...though, depending on what it was, she'd be missing out. After all, it could've been the two of them washing each other.

...But no use wondering what might have been. She was here, on her knees, in front of a very willing and 'respectful' man. She slowly moved her wet rag forward...and started washing up his 'armor'. It really wasn't too bad a process for her. Unlike Bayonet, she wasn't unfamiliar with this sort of handling. While still a bit embarrassing, once she got the nerve to start, it stopped bothering her so much. Just go back and forth, and back and forth...until his 'armor' was nice and clean. Which it already was, really, but eh, she didn't mind throwing HoundMan a figurative and somewhat literal bone. Still preferable to cleaning up PatrolMan.