I have an idea.
Copy-paste your rough draft into Microsoft Word, or whatever word-processor you have. Make the edits it suggests.
I 100% guarantee people will be at least a bit nicer if it's not hard to read. We'll work on the plot details once it's OK grammatically, kay? You gotta get the hang of that first.
Death in my book
last edited by
Quote (English Ninja)
Sure.
I won't lock this, but I'll tell everybody to STFU about this already, or I may start handing out warns to the people who continue ragging on about this.
[/sudden burst of Official inspiration]
Can you read, Hiko? Drop it.
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ok i am posting the death a as new post here cause i made alot of changes so here it is please tell me if you like it or not
AS me and ledge climb to the top of mount death. I notice that the emperor of darkness was here but I was too late have left no trace of him being here. In the corner of my eye I notice someone trying to leave this place. I rush over to him cutting off his path I slam him to the ground so I could ask a few questions "where is the Emperor of darkness?" "I..I don't know where he is much less who he is." "Liar!" "I know that you know where he is." "What makes you think that?" "I saw you looking through the rubble." "well sorry to burst your bubble I don't know where he is." Don't make me kill you I swear I will kill you." "hahahahah well I guess you will have to kill me now because I have no clue where that person is." he refuses to tell me what I want to know. I concentrate my powers of shadow around his lungs. Tainting them as I go down further passing his heart, tainting every organ in his body. Then going back to the heart tainting the heart as well. I asked one last time where the Emperor of Darkness is he does not say. He tries to breath in caving his skin inside his throat then turning his whole body inside out. Turning him into nothing but shadows at last he dies after vanishing into the shadows themselves. As I walk off I say to ledge he could of lived if he told me where the Emperor of darkness was.
AS me and ledge climb to the top of mount death. I notice that the emperor of darkness was here but I was too late have left no trace of him being here. In the corner of my eye I notice someone trying to leave this place. I rush over to him cutting off his path I slam him to the ground so I could ask a few questions "where is the Emperor of darkness?" "I..I don't know where he is much less who he is." "Liar!" "I know that you know where he is." "What makes you think that?" "I saw you looking through the rubble." "well sorry to burst your bubble I don't know where he is." Don't make me kill you I swear I will kill you." "hahahahah well I guess you will have to kill me now because I have no clue where that person is." he refuses to tell me what I want to know. I concentrate my powers of shadow around his lungs. Tainting them as I go down further passing his heart, tainting every organ in his body. Then going back to the heart tainting the heart as well. I asked one last time where the Emperor of Darkness is he does not say. He tries to breath in caving his skin inside his throat then turning his whole body inside out. Turning him into nothing but shadows at last he dies after vanishing into the shadows themselves. As I walk off I say to ledge he could of lived if he told me where the Emperor of darkness was.
last edited by
Quote (SpaceMonkeySteve)
Quote (English Ninja)
Sure.
I won't lock this, but I'll tell everybody to STFU about this already, or I may start handing out warns to the people who continue ragging on about this.
[/sudden burst of Official inspiration]
Can you read, Hiko? Drop it.
Well, he asked for help, and I nicely gave him a solution.
Wasn't 'ragging on'.