If you can't jam with the rest...

So this is something that I've been thinking about on and off for the last few months. I've vanished from around here more than once, and underneath whatever other excuses I had was this:

The fact is that I think we've reached a point where I don't like the memberbase here and they don't like me. You feel free to spin this into whatever melodramatic thing suits you, but at its core it's just simple utilitarianism; removing myself from situations and environments that cause me pain. I'm just not satisfied being the designated Mean Jock around here, and there certainly isn't any payoff. You can't hold a very good conversation with someone who's desperate for an acceptable target.

As for the RP itself, I already tried cutting ties once and I think it's time I went through with it once and for all. It's been a constant distraction from my other projects, and if there's one thing I've learned about myself it's that I'll always look for a distraction. I don't enjoy the RP, and I'm no longer able to enjoy talking with most of the memberbase due to the weird power struggles.

So is this happening because of that thing just happened? Sure. It's also happening because every time for the past few months I've tried to ask myself why I was still here, I could only come up with half an answer.

And when you get right down to it, it's happening because you couldn't handle me after all.

So, cheers. I'll stick around for a bit to handle all the weak baiting and shaky assurances that no, you didn't really care about me at all, honest.

(And I get that this is awfully backhanded but maybe if I burn my bridges it'll be tougher to go back on it this time. This is really something I need to do.)

e: This is the theme song for this goodbye.
I don't believe me and you had any bad blood. We barely communicated.
We argued, you always had to be right. I didn't care much for you, to be honest, but that didn't mean I wanted to see you go. Everyone needs some kind of creative outlet, especially when a person is talented or it will languish.

I never wished ill upon you, still don't. Your behavior grounded some of us and that's life. For one it made me want to stop opening my mouth and acting like I knew anything when you were around. Funny how, in effect, that made me more tolerable.

We aren't some unnatural construct of only the good parts, we are a sum of everything and we are stronger for it.

Leave if you want to, but I wish you wouldn't.