Posts made by Howitzer

You're a greedy one, aren't you?

[Attached: Machinegun1 x1]

[1250 zenny submitted to the OBS pot. See stock topic.]

I have reason to want your PhoenixShot1. I see that you want a MachineGun1. I propose a trade. I will add five hundred zenny to my contribution.

Hey, what's that thi----OH. OH SHIT. IT'S SHINY! GIMME THAT THING! YEAH!!

[Attached: Machinegun1, 500 zenny]

Wait, what? We're sellin' it? I like that thing! It kills crap! Screw off, mook you can't have it!

Your payment will be accepted.

[Attached: Elecreel1 x1]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH.

Shit! She was last off the mark again! If it kept up like this, these two losers were going to make a fool out of her.

"CHIPS!" Beatnik screamed up the pipe. She wasn't sure if Toni had the sound on or not, but either way, the chips came down. Beatnik skimmed what she'd got and dropped them into a battle order in her head. She was more than a little proud of herself. The plan was actually smart for once.

First, she slammed down a scarecrow on her left. She knew what would come next: a blast of electricity straight down the battlefield. That was just a distraction, though. The threat of the lightning would shove the viruses over into a clump on one side of the platform, where they turned into easy pickings. Before the Dollthunder could spit out its lightning, though, Beatnik was going to have to get up in their faces to maximize the damage.

And that meant skating right over lava.

Shit, she was losing valuable seconds as the Dollthunder's mouth stretched open. Come on, it was just a little lava, what was it going to do? She could fly, for crap's sake. Beatnik adopted a speed-skater's crouch, eyeing the bubbling lava nervously. I really hope this doesn't burn my feet right off.

Lightning crackled in the scarecrow's mouth. Time was up. She had to go.

With a furious scream that came right from her gut, Beatnik kicked off into the lava.

Except nothing caught fire.

Because Holo had just changed it into ice.

Instead, she skittered wildly to one side, surprised by the sudden change in terrain. She got herself back under control and tilted a bit to line herself right up with the viruses on the other platform. A bolt of lightning ripped by on her left, just singing her neon green hair. She snapped her fingers, and her orbital plates formed up into a wedge.

And then it was drive-by chaos.

Beatnik crashed into the line of viruses and then wheeled and slid around on the ice like a moron and crashed into them again, swinging her plate-wedge around like a cow-catcher. On her fifth and final pass, she flung out a hand behind her and fired off a trio of sonic rings. they plunged right into the heart of the viruses, and the resulting explosion would mess them right up. She skidded to a halt and pulled up an Elecreel in the shape of a sky-blue gauntlet that buzzed with electrical charge. Beatnik eyed the wreckage of the platform, just daring one of the viruses to stick their stupid heads out so she could sock it up its ass.

1. Dollthunder1 @ Puffy-F A and whoever else is in range (80 + 5 = 85 ELEC dmg
+ Line Attack 5)
2. DashAttack @ Puffy-F A, Puffy-F B, Drixol B, Drixol A, Catack B (90 NORMAL dmg + Impact)
3. Pulsar1 @ Catack B (70 + 15 Flamenco Overdrive = 85 NORMAL dmg + Spread 6)
4. ElecReel1 @ remaining (80 + 5 same-element = 85 ELEC dmg + Spread 3)

As Wolfman charged him, Stakeman casually reached inside his cloak and tugged free a golden cross. With a jerk, the chain snapped, and Stakeman thrust the cross out at arm's length. It began to expand until it was so large that he could no longer hold it. The demon-hunter let go, but instead of dropping to the ground, the giant cross settled into a float in front of him.

Wolfman lunged at Stakeman, jaws wide, but he crashed into the cross instead. "You won't be turning me tonight, demon," Stakeman told him with a thin smile.

The werewolf swung one flaming paw toward Stakeman, but the cross swept around through the air, heading off the attack. The force of the strike sent cracks tearing through its golden face, though, and the pieces tumbled to the pavement. Stakeman was defenseless against the second Firehit. It tore through the side of his cloak and left a scorch mark twice as big.

Stakeman hopped back out of Wolfman's reach and fumbled around inside his cloak. Out came a little vial full of some glittering silver liquid. He flicked out the stopper with his thumb and downed it in one gulp. He tossed the empty vial toward Wolfman's face, but it was only a distraction as he raised his clockwork gun. Wolfman's bestial reflexes were sharp enough to guide him out of the path of the bullet as Stakeman fired it.

Terrain: 60% Normal, 25% Soil, 15% Mud

Stakeman.EXE: 170 HP (Normal)

WolfMan.EXE: 120 HP (Normal)
Selene.SP: 40 HP (Soil)

Beatnik snorted. "Lamers. This the best they got around here?"

She turned hard and scooped up the chip data on a skate-by. Once it had resolved in her system, she cursed and hurled it up the chute to Toni's PET. Figures she'd get the crappy-ass time bomb. All it'd be good for was for bashing viruses' heads in, because by the time it actually got around to exploding, she'd have already deleted everything herself.

"On ahead? Hey, you get back here!"

Beatnik put her head down and kicked off like an Olympic skater. No way in hell she was going to let someone else get ahead of her. If the hologram guy couldn't keep up, that was his fault.

[go go battle 2]

Beatnik realized with a start that Arc had gone before her.

"Hey!" she yelled indignantly. "Hey hey hey hey!" But it occurred to her that this was only serving to put her further behind, so she decided to see if she could blow up more shit than Arc had.

She snagged a few chips off the queue. Asking Toni for specific crap was out of the question, of course, because Toni was a lazy jackass who would rather write cruddy poetry than, you know, keep her Navi alive. She came up with a fistful of Zaprings.

"Move!" Beatnik yelled, clipping Arc as she blasted by. Those hands looked like decent enough punching bags. The first Handy got the first Zapring, which appeared as a circle of electricity in her hand. She discused it at the virus as she howled toward it. With the first shot away, she slammed down her foot, stopped practically on a dime, and flung the other Zapring toward the Handy's twin.

That left the third Handy. Beatnik had come here to show off and throw shit, and she'd run out of shit.

The chip waiting at the top of the queue would do just fine. Beatnik kicked off in a long loop around the third Handy as she waited for the chip to boot. The blue plates in her magnetic field jerked themselves down and locked into place around her arm. Within a second or two, they'd configured themselves into the shape of a giant blue metal fist. Beatnik wasn't too sure where the Handy's eyes were, because, uh, it was a hand, but when she hit a point in her orbit where she thought she was kind of out of its sightline, she dug in one foot and changed course to charge right at the virus.

She cranked her first back, sucked in a deep breath out of the air that was ripping past her, and slammed her knuckles down on the virus. Hand, meet fist.

Before the Gutpunch could go dissipating and unlocking the plates around her hand, Beatnik grabbed one more chip. The fisty-part of the blue arm collapsed, and a tiny core of plasma started charging inside. Beatnik skidded to a halt at the edge of the overlook, pointed her fist-cannon down at the Spikeys, and pulled the invisible trigger. The recoil pushed her all the way across the bridge and almost off the other side. A mushroom cloud rose from the Spikeys were. Or had been. Heh.

[1. Zapring2 @ HandyA {A acc} (80 + 5 same-element = 85 ELEC dmg)
2. Zapring2 @ HandyB {A acc} (80 + 5 same-element = 85 ELEC dmg)
3. Gutpunch @ HandyC {B acc} (70 + 15 Flamenco Overdrive = 85 NORMAL dmg)
4. Tankcannon1 [wide-bore] @ Spikeys A-C {C acc} (90 NORMAL dmg + Blast2)]

Wolfman cloaked himself in darkness just in time to save himself from Stakeman's opening salvo. His clockwork pistol barked once, and a silver bullet passed harmlessly through Wolfman's shadowy body.

"Damn!" hissed Stakeman. His green eyes darted from side to side, trying to pick Wolfman's form out from the other shadows that lay thick against the buildings. As a result, Wolfman's Tankcannon took him entirely by surprise.

The blast caught him full in the chest and spun him around. Through some nimble demon-hunting acrobatics, he managed to get himself righted in the air and landed on his feet in a half-crouch, facing the spot the attack had come from.

At least until Wolfman came charging toward him from another vector on silent feet. The movement in the darkness made Stakeman whip is head around. His hand went behind him to a scabbard that was strapped horizontally across the small of his back under his sleeved cloak. The Navi drew out what was little more than a wooden stake as long as his forearm. It was tipped and chased with silver.

Insteaad of diving to the side, Stakeman held his ground. Wolfman tore into him with his sword, but Stakeman met his opponent with an overhand stab of the stake, burying it between Wolfman's shoulders.

"Come on, now," Stakeman said as he took a step back. There was no hint of pain or duress in his voice. "Is that really the best you can do?"

Terrain: 60% Normal, 25% Soil, 15% Mud

Stakeman.EXE: 180 HP (Normal)

WolfMan.EXE: 105 HP (Normal)
Selene.SP: 40 HP (Soil)

Beatnik's face lit up as she watched Holo's transformations, as if she were a kid at her very first circus. "I like you," she grinned. "You gotta sense of humour. Not like Miss Crappy Poetry or Parka Lady over there." She thumbed towards Arc.

And why a fridge? "Cause I'm a fridge, and I gotta accept who I am. That, and Toni is a jerkass." Beatnik rolled her red eyes. "Long freakin' story."

Then Arc got the jump on her, and that was just completely unacceptable. "C'mon, Bee!" Beatnik called. She dug in one foot and pushed off hard, sending her sailing past Arc at high speed. She'd be the first to any viruses that might be waiting for them, but it wasn't like she couldn't use the other two as meatshields.

[Battle 1 go]

Beatnik's mouth was a flat line until Holo shifted into Toni-form.

Then she started to smile.

Then she started to grin.

Then she started to laugh.

She doubled over, arms around her gut, laughing herself stupid.

"That's perfect," she snorted. "Wish I was recording that one to show her later. Mang, that's perfect."

Determined not to let Holo show her up, Beatnik fired up that stupid .GMO Toni had written for her months ago. Sure, it was retarded, but at least it was good for something now. Beatnik burst apart into a dazzling nebula of eye-searing light, and re-composed herself into refrigerator form.

"See? Fridge," said the face on the freezer door. "Ain't my fault, though. It's all Crappy Poetry's fault."

She switched back to her regular form. "Name's Beatnik," she said, folding her arms. "And ya mooks can only come with me if ya can keep up with me."

"I'm not a boy, asshole," Beatnik snapped. "I'm a fridge."

With that perplexing remark hanging in the air, Beatnik rounded on Holo and put on her nastiest face. "And you knock that off. Crappy copy. You didn't even get the colours right. I guess you two losers belong to the Ops that're botherin' Toni, huh?"

Beatnik reeled in her magnetic field. The plates resumed their slow orbit around her. She stooped to collect the zenny data, then turned around and saw another Navi.

"'Sup," she said eventually. "You here to let me hand you your ass back?"

Story time? Story time!

A bunch of viruses came sweeping through the jungle pretty much out of nowhere. If there was going to be story time, they wanted in on it, too.

Well, it was more like they wanted to brutally murder her, but close enough.

Terrain: 65% Grass, 25% Poison, 10% Soil

BoomerA: 60 HP (Soil)
BoomerB: 60 HP (Grass)
SpidyA: 80 HP (Grass)
SpidyB: 80 HP (Grass)
Teddy: 100 HP (Soil)
Honeybomber: 100 HP (Grass)

Rachna.EXE: 100 HP (Grass) [1-hit shield]

--HERE WE GO!--
--ROUND 3, FIGHT!--

Rachna slung the hapless Needler into the air and buried a slug in it. The gory fragments of the virus's essential programming splattered and bounced off her umbrella. She swung around and gunned down the Mudfeesh with nary a problem.

MudFeeshA: DELETED
MudFeeshB: DELETED
NeedlerA: DELETED
NeedlerB: DELETED

Terrain:
80% Grass
20% Mud

Rachna.EXE: 100 HP (Grass) [1-hit shield]

--ALL CLEAR!--

Rewards: Needler1, 600z
HP: 60
Properties: FloatShoes, Mobile
Object Damage: 60 Null + Impact + Break
Damage Method: Ramming attack, Telekinesis, Throw
Attack Damage: 30 Null x 3 Targets
Accuracy: A
Description: Summons a hovering gun platform that attacks up to 3 separate targets each turn with it's trio of double spike guns.
Duration: Until destroyed.
Element: Null
Special: RP quality does not boost or reduce this chip's accuracy. - This chip's accuracy cannot be boosted or reduced by any means. - This object can dodge once instead of attacking. - This object may ram a target, but is instantly destroyed in exchange.

The first walrus was utterly annihilated by the wave of grassy death that it was far too slow and walrusy to avoid. Its fellow, however, was nimble enough to leap ungaily over the worst of the ground-waves. Likewise, the first Tark was flying low enough to be smashed in the underbelly by the roiling waves of grass. Unlike the Waldon, it was able to keep itself together. The other Tark just gained enough air to avoid the Gaia entirely.

Splashman pressed the attack with an explosion of water, followed by a pair of Wideshots. The remaining Waldon was knocked about by the first, while the Tarks were clobbered by the second.

The Waldon managed to recover itself enough to fire its tusks right at Splashman -- one for the Navi, and one for Blub. Fortunately, Splashman brought his Ironshield up in time to deflect the deadly spears. The Tark's return Wideshot broke like the tide on the wall of iron. Silly Chaos Net viruses had nothing on Splashman.

WaldonA: DELETED!
WaldonB: 120 HP
TarkA: DELETED!
TarkB: 110 HP

Terrain: 40% Grass, 60% Sea

SplashMan: 550 HP (1-hit shield)
Blub.SP: 70 HP

When the woman in the coat pointed out the man's Navi, Toni leaned backwards to see around his back. Her eyes narrowed at the sight of Holo, but that was the emotion she showed. The real fireworks were going on inside her ribcage. Maybe, if she was lucky, she could talk Beatnik into beating that Navi up later.

"The same as all those other cretins on the forums," Toni muttered. "Classless and tasteless. Wouldn't know a masterpiece if it mugged them in an alley."

Speaking of Beatnik, Toni switched back to the main screen of her PET. There she was, in all her eye-searing glory, bludgeoning some virus to death with an ElecKnife. That automatic chip dispenser really had been a wonderful idea on Toni's part. The less interaction she had to have with Beatnik, the better. Some days -- like today -- she simply wasn't prepared for such ordeals.

The force of the fireball impact spun Beatnik around in a circle. She flung her legs out wide to get her balance back, and found herself facing the wrong way. Grumbling, she pirouetted and gave the blasted remains of the Spikey her middle finger.

"All right, you little shit," she said, addressing the Mettfire now. "Hold still."

Beatnik angled her hand up, and her rapidly-spinning plates slowed their orbit. A few of the smaller pieces dragged themselves out of the magnetic field and locked into the approximate shape of a knife. Beatnik caught it as it fell out of the air, and smacked the butt against her palm to get it started. Lightning blasted up and down the knife's length.

"You wanna see who's faster? You wanna race? We'll race."

Beatnik flung her body forward and took off on a crazy dash at the Mettfire. On her first pass, she cranked her arm back, then forward, hacking through the air with her ElecKnife. Still in the process of passing the virus, she flipped the knife backward in her hand and wheeled her whole body around to stab it in the back of the head.

The backswing was a little strong, though, and the knife slid out through her fingers. "Crap!" she barked. She dropped to cruising speed and turned hard. She flattened her magnetic field into a long, narrow tendril, and shot it out toward the knife like an invisible grappling line. The bigger plates she hadn't used for the weapon followed the line of the aura like mattresses on a river.

The magnetic tendril snagged the fallen knife and hauled it back up into the air. What she had was a kind of whip with a blade on the end. Fair enough, she thought.

The other end of the field was anchored on her arm. She gave that arm an experimental flick, and the motion travelled all the way down the whip-field. Beatnik grinned and snapped it up, then sideways, swinging the knife toward the Mettfire again. After the first pass, she ducked a bit and swung the electro-whip around her head, bringing it slamming down on the virus one last time.

[1. ElecKnife @ Mettfire ([60 + 10 same-element] x 2 = 140 ELEC dmg)
2. ElecKnife @ Mettfire ([60 + 10 same-element] x 2 = 140 ELEC dmg)
3. ElecKnife @ Mettfire ([60 + 10 same-element] x 2 = 140 ELEC dmg)
4. ElecKnife @ Mettfire ([60 + 10 same-element] x 2 = 140 ELEC dmg)]

Sssssssssss.

A digital wind sent leaves tumbling across the road. Wolfman followed the path. No more viruses got in his way; it was quiet and deserted at this time of night. The moon rode high. The black vault was speckled with constellations. If it weren't for the almost imperceptible underlay of a silver grid, it would be indistinguishable from the real sky.

The road bent, and Wolfman came to a pass between two rows of abandoned buildings. They weren't too high -- no more than five stories -- but they turned the path into a tumbledown canyon.

A gunshot shredded the night to pieces. Wolfman's top hat fell off.

A black figure leapt off a nearby rooftop and somersaulted in the air. Its billowing -- cape? coat? wings? -- were silhouetted against the pregnant moon.

Twenty feet ahead of Wolfman, the figure landed in a lithe crouch with the clap of soles on pavement. It rose to full height, which was an inch or two shorter than Wolfman. The figure was entirely black, so it was easy to see a hand, pale in the moonlight, come up from beneath its black garment to tip its tricorne hat.

"Good evening," said the figure. It had a voice to make proper ladies swoon. "That wasn't a miss. It was more of an introduction."

The wind rose then, and caught the figure's garment, pulling it aside. Underneath was a golden waistcoat studded with red buttons. A crimson silk necktie was tucked neatly in. The chain of a pocketwatched looped along his side. In the hand that wasn't tipping the hat was a long-barreled pistol made of interlocking clockwork and brass tubes.

"My name is Stakeman," the figure said. As the breeze released his garment, it dropped back around him. It was a sort of long, ragged cloak with sleeves, although the figure didn't sheathe his arms in them. "I am a hunter of darkness, of demons, of abominations like yourself. They are stains upon this realm."

He squared his body sideways and raised his pistol to point at Wolfman. His chin tilted up slightly, and for the first time, his eyes became visible. They were a very deep green. His black hair hung around his face like a curtain.

"Prepare yourself, monster. Your end is here, but no man will say I did not end it fairly."

Terrain: 60% Normal, 25% Soil, 15% Mud

Stakeman.EXE: 350 HP

WolfMan.EXE: 175 HP
Selene.SP: 40 HP

--HERE WE GO!--
--ROUND 5, FIGHT!--