Mission: For The Birds!

Downing a bottle of good ol' 40% alcohol, DubloonMan felt instantly refreshed... and incredibly giddy at the same time. The gigantic parrot wasn't very amused at his antics, and started to bat its wings at the two. The enormous wings created a vortex of wind that sucked both of them towards the parrot! "Radical breeze!" yelled SurfBro, who was somehow pleased by the turn of events. However, when DubloonMan started swinging his anchor around, the surfer looked on in horror as the thrown anchor tore open a large hole in the shack, and somehow missing the gigantic parrot in front of them completely. "Oh, sh*t, pirate bro's smashed," he said to himself.

Worse was the fact that the stirring of winds had torn up a sandstorm around the entire area, drastically reducing visibility. DubloonMan heard some loud whooshing sounds in front of him, but didn't feel anything, as the attacks passed by his impromptu drunken dodging. Meanwhile, SurfBro took out two simple pistols from his pockets, and started firing at the parrot. "Pirate bro! C'mon, help me out here, dude!" he yelled through the sandstorm.

-- ENEMIES --
Boss Parrot: 900 HP (Sand) (Fan Effect)

-- OBJECTS --
Ransacked Shack: 450 HP (Surrounding Parrot) (Large hole torn in)

-- ALLIES --
DubloonMan.EXE: 170 HP (Sand) (Off-Target Nerf)
SurfBro.EXE: 250 HP (Sand)

-- TERRAIN --
100% Sand
Weather: Sandstorm, 2 Turns Left (Accuracy reduced)
Wind picked up and began to draw DubloonMan and his accomplice in towards the giant bird. Usually more than willing to charge into the fray, DubloonMan went against his instincts and resisted the pull of the powerful draft. He dug his boot and cannon deep into the sand, and squinted, trying to make out the bird's form amidst the blinding storm.

He gritted his teet and spat, "BLAST YER ILL WINDS YE BLOATED HARPY! YAR! ROGER! I CAN'T SEE ME OWN FOOT LIKE THIS! WHAR'S ME BOMB?"

Roger was about to slot in the Crackerbomb but considered what would happen if his navi were to lose his footing and get caught in the blast. It was a better plan to disable its flapping first and bomb it when it was less mobile. Factoring in the limited visibility, Roger opted to use the gun with the widest spread, "DubloonMan, try to take out its w-wings with the Bubblespreader. I'll send you a Rope to hamper its flapping."

"QUIT YER YAPPIN' AND GET ON WITH IT, LAD!" DubloonMan growled as he continued to stagger backwards with great difficulty.

Roger slotted in the chip and DubloonMan pulled out the weapon from his jacket in a fluid transition from the real to the digital. Through the haze of silt and flying grains, DubloonMan squinted and tried to pinpoint the monster's flapping wings.

"Don't let me down now, Nereid..." He said and pulled the trigger. A burst of water and pearls punched a fleeting hole through the thick gale, giving DubloonMan a brief but clear view of his opponent. He wasted no time in reaching for the newly materialized length of rope at his side. At his touch, the brown braids were tinted into a metallic silver and became as tough as steel. He tossed the loose loop of reinforced wire through whatever remnants of the vacuum remained and waited for the pull. He couldn't see where it landed but fed the rope into the sand veil as if he were fishing. A second later, he gripped the line and pulled, tightening the noose and delivering a crushing bind on whatever he had managed to catch.



1 - Resist Fan effect (Movement back)
2 - Take Aim
3 - BubbleSpreader BossParrot (55 damage + Spread 9)
4 - Rope BossParrot (50 damage + Hold) + Break
"SKREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE."

The gigantic parrot let out a horrific screech as the gunshots landed directly in its torso, injuring it with very terrible consequences. The screech almost froze DubloonMan and SurfBro in their tracks, but they managed to overcome their fears and strike further. However, it seemed to weather the blows quite powerfully (not that the two Navis could see that) and a fair amount of the injuries disappeared. SurfBro kept on the assault with a shot of his own from his pistols, after which he drew back from the parrot. The reinforced wire held fast onto the parrot's huge girth, and crushed it in its embrace.

-- ENEMIES --
Boss Parrot: 785 HP (Sand) (Held) (Fan Effect)

-- OBJECTS --
Ransacked Shack: 395 HP (Surrounding Parrot) (Large hole torn in)

-- ALLIES --
DubloonMan.EXE: 170 HP (Sand)
SurfBro.EXE: 250 HP (Sand) (TrainArrow1)

-- TERRAIN --
100% Sand
Weather: Sandstorm, 1 Turn Left (Accuracy reduced)
Seeing that the rope and firearms didn't seem to halt the parrot's windy effects, DubloonMan decided to try and use it to his advantage.

"CHANGE O' PLANS, ROGER!" He called out, "BRING OUT ME POWDER KEG!"

Roger winced quizzically at the request but didn't have any better ideas himself. He shrugged away his concerns and slotted in the chip. DubloonMan never stopped backing away from the parrot's pull and now he had a reason. The powder keg materialized in front of him and began to slowly slide across the sand as it became subject to the strong winds. DubloonMan smiled and struck the top of the cask with his hook, popping the top off. Almost immediately, the full container of black powder drained away, swept up by the gusts, straight towards the giant bird. He didn't need to aim it at all and laughed, "YAR HA-HAR! THAT'S IT! BREATHE DEEP!"

Roger suddenly realized what his navi's plans were. He quickly slotted in the Firehit as usual and waited for the inevitable fireworks. The torch appeared in DubloonMan's hand and flickered amidst the sandstorm, struggling to stay lit. As the last bits of the black dust emptied themselves from the barrel, DubloonMan smashed the torch into the keg, destroying it and simultaneously lighting the trail of gunpowder. Streams of the sand suddenly erupted into flames, turning into an intense firestorm. The loose, mildly abrasive grains of sand in the air melted and turned into a shower of glass shards. A wave of his torch sent another roll of flame into the mix before he tossed the torch at the bird, just to add insult to injury. As he tried to hold his ground, he smirked and waited to see just what kind of damage his chain reaction would cause.



1 - Resist Fan effect (Movement back)
2 - FireBurn2 BossParrot (90 + Line(3))
3 - Firehit BossParrot (60 + impact)
4 - Firehit BossParrot (60 + impact)
Struggling to fight against both the sandstorm and the ravaging winds the bird was still putting out, DubloonMan pulled out his powderkeg, and realized the fires that he had grown to like so much. The firestorm blasted through the flying sands, and created a haphazard firestorm instead! Unfortunately, due to the spreading of the fire, almost half of the flame's effects didn't hit the parrot at all, but rather torched the shack instead...

Meanwhile, SurfBro put his guns on, throwing away his revolvers. He then pulled out a massive harpoon gun out of nowhere. "TIIIIIME FOR ME TO SKEWER ME SOME BIRD!" he exclaimed, and released it towards the gigantic parrot. The harpoon landed in the parrot's torso for massive damage, but in his excitement, he forgot to account for the sucking effects of the wind! Luckily, he got off easy, and leapt away just in time as one of the bird's wings swept by in front of him.

By now, the parrot was pissed. It was losing fast, and there was no way it would do much damage in the first place. Thus forth, it brought its wings close to its body, and stayed firmly in place, becoming as cold and unmoving as a statue. .... Of course, against a Navi with a cannon for a leg, this was probably a bad idea.

Oh, and the sandstorm cleared. Also had a nice effect of clearing the looser sand beneath their feet, making way for a firmer footing.

-- ENEMIES --
Boss Parrot: 469 HP (Normal) (Held) (HardBody)

-- OBJECTS --
Ransacked Shack: 305 HP (Surrounding Parrot) (Large hole torn in)

-- ALLIES --
DubloonMan.EXE: 170 HP (Normal)
SurfBro.EXE: 250 HP (Normal)

-- TERRAIN --
100% Normal
"Is it dead?" asked Roger, watching as the bird fell into a grim, motionless state.

"Nay, lad," DubloonMan replied, "The beast merely slumbers. Hrm... Me thinks it be time t' give it a nightmare! Yar ha-har! Roger! Me flintlock!"

The Machinegun chip was taken from its place on the bench and slotted in. Roger looked at his remaining selection and grew increasingly concerned. With any luck, SurfBro would make up for the slack. Back in the online world, DubloonMan casually fished out the flintlock from his jacket. With no signs of the monstrous parrot being able to move or fight back, DubloonMan took his sweet time in lining up his first shot. Balancing the end of his pistol on his forearm, he aimed right between the parrot's eyes and grinned his malicious grin. As his finger graced the trigger, another metallic transformation crept along the pistol's body and coated the wooden handle and brass trim with a silver finish. DubloonMan didn't seem to notice the effect he was having on his gun and simply unloaded a salvo of enhanced shot upon the parrot. The rapid and random recoil made it nigh-impossible to aim but DubloonMan held his position to the best of his ability. As he finished firing, his anchor and chain rematerialized back over his shoulder.

"Eh? Me anchor! Ye've come back t' me!" DubloonMan said. Taking its return as a sign to use it, he gave it a few good practice swings. Unlike his earlier, inebriated performance, the anchor's path was much more deliberate and smooth. It made one final loop around his head before DubloonMan released it into the parrot shack.

"I don't think y-your attacks are w-working so great." noted Roger.

Seeing that his anchor didn't have quite the impact he was hoping for, DubloonMan felt inclined to agree, "Aye, ye may be right..." He began to bide his time and waited for a better opportunity to attack while he scouted for any visible weak spots he could exploit.

"C'mon ye lazy buzzard... Waaaake up..." DubloonMan grumbled quietly.



1 - Take Aim
2 - MachineGun (9 x 30 damage + Spray-Fire) + Break
3 - Anchors Aweigh! (Nova 2 Knockback + 10 damage) + BossParrot (40 damage)
4 - Take Aim (for next turn)
Taking advantage of the parrot's slumbering status, DubloonMan took his sweet time loading up his gun, and unloading upon the hapless bird. The statued status of the Boss Parrot actually increased its damage from the gunfire, dealing a heavy amount of damage to it! (60x7) A couple of bullets went astray into the shack's walls, but it still stood. The anchor he threw later on flew over the parrot's head, but it was almost dead anyway. Realizing this, it broke free from its self-embrace, and restored some of its vitality with a healing process! (+60) It then screeched in SurfBro's direction with such loudness that the Navi was frozen in place, trying to cover his ears! (Frozen!)

"Aaaaaagh, dude, dude, it hurts, it huuuuurts!!"

-- ENEMIES --
Boss Parrot: 109 HP (Normal)

-- OBJECTS --
Ransacked Shack: 245 HP (Surrounding Parrot) (Large hole torn in)

-- ALLIES --
DubloonMan.EXE: 170 HP (Normal)
SurfBro.EXE: 250 HP (Normal) (Frozen)

-- TERRAIN --
100% Normal
DubloonMan didn't care for SurfBro's suffering and only saw that by attacking the other navi, the Boss Parrot had left itself open to an attack from his side. He rushed forward towards the shack and shouted his typical battlecry, "YAR HA-HAR! YER MINE NOW!"

His navi's pathetic limp wasn't very effective at all, prompting Roger to slot in the DashAttack to help out DubloonMan's charge. His navi's pace quickened as he accelerated toward the shack. Roger figured there was no sense holding back now and began to slot in the rest of the chips en masse. The two Shotguns were the first to go giving DubloonMan something to fire as he ran.

"AYE! SOFTEN ER' UP A BIT, BETTY!" He cried, unloading a twin barreled blast upon the virus.

Roger slipped the RageClaw in next but hesitated as his fingers hovered over the CrackerBomb chips. He wanted to wait and see how the battle would turn out before he resorted to using those. There was no way DubloonMan would approve of the Fan or Shadow so Roger just put those back in his pocket.

Meanwhile, DubloonMan had reached his peak velocity. He pressed off the ground into a high jump while the Rageclaw fortified his hook in a brief flash of light. With all the speed and power of his DashAttack fueling his berserk leap, the navi slashed his hook and taunted once more, "I'LL CLIP YER WINGS YET, BIRD!"



1 - Shotgun BossParrot (50 damage + Spread 2)
2 - Shotgun BossParrot (50 damage + Spread 2)
3 - DashAttack BossParrot (90 damage + impact) + Accuracy
4 - RageClaw BossParrot (40 damage)
A barrage of attacks landing on the parrot was enough to down it in its weakened state, causing it to rear its head for one last screech before slumping into unconsciousness. Its massive girth then started to fade out of existence, decomposing into junk data. SurfBro recovered from his stunned status just in time to see the parrot's last remnants fade into the sky.

"Whooooaaaa. Trippin' out, dude," he commented.

Gawking a bit at the destroyed shack, he lowered his head slowly, and began to laugh. Not like, a psychotic laugh or anything like that, but a laugh of gladness. "Oh, oh, man. That stupid bird's really gone. Oh, oh, man, it's bringin' tears to my eyes, pirate bro," said SurfBro, and it seemed that he was right. His eyes were looking a bit wet. Of course, that was unmanly, so he wiped it off quickly.

"That was awesome, bro! I'm really, really grateful for all that," said SurfBro, recovering from his laughter. "If any of 'em lil' birds are crampin' up my style from now on, I'll be able to whack 'em good. Thanks again, bro." With that, he slapped DubloonMan heartily on the back, grinning for all he was worth.

"Anytime you wanna cruise, you know my place, arright? Don't be a stranger!"

-- ENEMIES --
Boss Parrot: DELETED

-- OBJECTS --
Ransacked Shack: 245 HP (Surrounding Parrot) (Large hole torn in)

-- ALLIES --
DubloonMan.EXE: 170 HP (Normal)
SurfBro.EXE: 250 HP (Normal)

-- TERRAIN --
100% Normal

-- BATTLE 05, VICTORY!! --

-- REWARDS --

1500z, 5 SurfBro FXP
DubloonMan stood triumphant and brushed off the dust and splinters from his arms, having crashed into the shack. He was quick to return SurfBro's pat on the back with a hearty grin and a solid hand on his shoulder, "Lad, ye held yer own. I'll keep yer offer in mind."

"So we're done? Are we done? I r-really wanna get moving." Roger stammered. He had reached his limit and had his finger over the jack-out command.

"Aye! Quit yer belly-achin'! We be done here." DubloonMan said.

Just as DubloonMan finished his sentence, Roger tapped the button on the PET screen, recalling his navi in an instant. He made one final check to see that he had collected all of his chips from the bench before rushing off to the metroline. It was time to go home.

((Jack Out))