Lunch Money Shakedown

PaperMan flinched as the second ring of electricity struck him, but really, he didn't even care. This was a victory for Shiri! The origami Navi flopped onto his his paper bum in relief, while the victorious girl herself excitedly bounced around in circles around her father with such vigor that even the Bunnies from the battle would've been stunned.

"Daddy Daddy Daddy Daddy! We won! PaperMan won!" shouted Shiri giddily as she bounced around, making it difficult for Turner to wrest the PET from her so he could transfer the dropped zenny to his meager Netbattling fund. "Yes... That's... great... Shiri... Now... let... Daddy... have... the... PET...!" grunted Turner, having to pause after every failed attempt to swipe the device.

"Okay, here you go!" announced Shiri, stopping on the spot and presenting the PET to Turner. Wow, quick turnabout. "You need to pay for lunch, anyway!"

That was a pretty specific statement, which threw Turner off a little bit. "Well, yeah, but it's a little bit f... F-" Bite your tongue, Turner. The sign they just walked under... Oh god... Turner turned his head to the right... Oh god... Holding the PET out of his daughter's sight, Turner sent frantic silent messages to PaperMan to get his flammable ass in gear and get his money. This was a dire situation now. They were... here...

Pizza Hub.

(Battle 5 Start)
(Bump)
The message got across to PaperMan and, like any other good navis, he hurried up on his quest to reach the bank. But before he realized...the bank was already within sight! The navi wasted no time and quickly hurried towards his destination, but a strange, limping figure suddenly came across his way.

"Hrmm...Hrrrrmmm..."

The figure was actually a custom navi wearing a bright green, silk outfit with an orient language scribed vertically through out his arm. There was also a thin copper plate that hung around his waist and clattered everytime he took a step. He was supporting himself up with a giant blue stick of somesort and kept on mumbling to himself as his head stayed low.

"Sorr...sorr hungreeee..."

Sporting a rather thick accent, the navi continued his walk for a few second before he lifted his head to find PaperMan standing beside him. "Hooo?! Can dis be?" He raised his head to reveal his bright, narrow orange eyes staring vigorously at the navi. Suddenly, a trail of drool began to flow out from both end of his mouth and his eyes literally began to sparkle.

"Ai bagged people for mooney, but no one won't even su-pear a single Zenny! I'm sorry, but curse my stomak and its need!!"

The unknown navi kicked the staff he was using on to his shoulder and held both end with his arm, crouching down to a very low stance. The way he stood wasn't just for show, the form he took was obviously shaped and mastered through out years of training...However, his legs began to shake and his eyes began to falter, most likely due to hunger. "...Yu-Yuu look like a weak navi, Gibbme all your Zenny and you'll go free from Shao!!"

Shao.EXE: 200 HP

Terrain: 100% Normal

PaperMan.EXE: 80 HP

-BOSS BATTLE, START!-
"Daddy...! Daddy...! What are you waiting for?" whined Shiri, tugging at her father's pants leg as she attempted the daunting task of dragging a 6-foot-plus man through the doors of Pizza Hub. Needless to say... it wasn't working.

After fumbling around with his PET out of his daughter's line of sight, Turner turned his attention back to the real world. "Oh... Nothing, nothing really. Come on." muttered Turner in unconvincing fashion, but it was enough to pass the belief check of a 6 year old. As any good father should (or any for that matter, since he probably didn't fall into the first category), Turner pushed the door open for Shiri to walk through, then followed after.

Inside, Turner was extremely relieved to see that it was still prime lunch hour and that a moderate line of people remained at the register. That could at least stall for PaperMan a bit longer. At last check, Turner had seen the bank's online ATM nearby, so it should only take another minute or so for his account to fill up. Just as a last cursory glance, Turner looked at his PET's screen... and saw his Navi getting shouted at by some crazy beggar.

"... Sh-" Bite your tongue, Turner. You're in public, at a busy restaurant no less, with your young daughter at your feet. "...-iri! Shiri!" barked Turner suddenly. "We need to wash our hands first. Always a must before eating." Muuuch better, Turner. And a nice stall tactic, to boot.

"Okay, Daddy!" nodded Shiri as she skipped her way to the ladies' restroom. Turner, in polar opposite fashion, stomped his way to the men's restroom, and when he had gone inside to see it vacant of other people, the gruff man put his PET to his face. "PaperMan. Destroy him." ordered Turner with the ferocity of a demon. This fool dared to pander for money off of him?! He had money problems too! Did this crazy Navi think the world revolved around him?! Well it didn't. Turner was keen on showing him that quickly by crushing his world, then moving on, getting some money, and buying his daughter lunch. For the first time all day, Turner took a Battlechip from his pocket and eagerly jammed it in his PET. Quite frankly, it was good fortune that the PET didn't burst into pieces from how hard he mashed that chip in.

PaperMan, on the other hand, was lost, confused, and realizing that he had no idea how to deal with foreigners. At least... he thought Shao was a foreigner. Maybe he had an error, but PaperMan didn't want to offend. Unfortunately for the kind-hearted Navi... Turner did want to offend. With heavy weaponry. As PaperMan raised his hand to try and signal that he didn't have much money, the Cannon his Operator slotted in formed around his hand. For added misfortune, PaperMan was also trying to produce a sign from his hand to write that he didn't have money if the signals didn't go through, but all that ended up going towards was reinforcing the paper-wad cannonball in the suddenly-spawned weapon. And, to add injury to insult in this case, PaperMan was so surprised by the sudden transformation that the Cannon fired. At Shao's face.

Having potentially triggered an international incident, PaperMan leaped back in a combination of surprise and kickback from the Cannon shot... only to flop onto the ground and roll a few feet back, causing blades of grass to pop up like mad in his wake. Did PaperMan even have a single bit of control of what he was doing...?

"PaperMan, pull it together. We don't the time for this." snapped Turner mercilessly... as he reached over for the soap, having placed his PET on the nearby shelf and started washing his hands. NOW was when you chose to actually be a good parent and lead by example? Good grief, Turner.

Having long since passed the point of no return, PaperMan had no choice but to fight as he got himself back up to his feet. But, of course, Turner had failed to provide him a Battlechip despite the Operator's determination. That was okay, though. It just meant that Turner had faith in PaperMan... Right? Sure. PaperMan needed some kind of motivation, at least. With the delusion that his Operator wasn't just negligent, PaperMan launched himself at Shao, this time willfully transforming his arm. His fingers merged together and his forearm thinned out as it took the form of his paper blade, and with it PaperMan took a sweeping diagonal-down slash at the foreign-sounding beggar. Having successfully attempted that, PaperMan backed off into an evasive stance, vaguely sensing that he had already met his quota of competent fighting for the moment.

Actions:
--Buff (11 Strengthen to):
1. Paper Cannon (51 damage, Knockback) @ Shao
--SetGrass (Large Area Grass Terrain) around PaperMan
--Grass Regen (+5 HP per action on Grass)
2. Papercutter (60 Wood damage, Slashing, 2TCD) @ Shao
3. Dodge

Cooldowns:
Papercutter - 2 turns
"WAAH!"

Shao was completely caught off guard by the unintended cannon fire, but his instinct kicked in and dodged it by a hairs length. "Ar...Arr all Elektopeans savages like yuu?!" The navi was completely surprised that PaperMan actually retaliated...Something he should have foresaw when he tried his first dive at mugging.

With his blue pole, Shao began the strange ritual of spinning it around his neck multiple times before he held it with both his hands like any normal people. "Ai have no otter choice! I'm terribly sorree!" He curled only his index and his thumb around the front of the pole, almost posing the weapon as a billiard cue.

In a flash, Shao instantly covered the distance between himself and PaperMan, placing the pole literally an inch away from its thin body. "GAN!" What felt like a light tap of the pole against his body, PaperMan was actually thrown almost all the way across the field (and away from the bank). The pressure exerted from the attack could've easily punctured through a paper like thin air...but thankfully, PaperMan wasn't. (-30 / Microburst)

"Haa...Haa...Haa..."

Shao, on the other hand, was feeling already exhausted from the attack as he was leaning against his pole. (Enemy: Sacrifice 15) "Now you saw what Shao was cap-abel of! Leave the mooney before you get hurt anymore!" He tried his best to keep an intimidating look, but his hunger just got the best of him. His eyes began to faze out once more, and coincidentally, matching the exact same moment when PaperMan dashed forward with his paper blade. Unable to concentrate at all, the poor hungry navi took the attack full on.

Shao.EXE: 125 HP

Terrain: 50% Normal, 50% Grass

PaperMan.EXE: 60 HP [On Grass]
PaperMan really needed to clear up this miscommunication somehow. The attempted robbery made enough sense, but the real problem here was that Shao was trying to rob another financially challenged Navi. Really, the effort Shao was putting forth was admirable. PaperMan could attest to the foreigner trying his best to rob him, as the origami Navi was currently sprawled out on the edge of the grass with his torso caved in like a meteor had hit it.

"Pull yourself together, PaperMan. We really don't have time for this..." muttered Turner as he punched the button for the restroom's air-dryer. He continued to speak, but amidst the sound of blasting warm air anything else Turner said was lost on his Navi.

Regardless, PaperMan peeled himself off the grassy ground and looked over his condition. Crushed chest... It'd be hard to move around like that, let alone fight. Feeling the need to fix that issue, PaperMan slammed his hands against his sides and compressed his torso like an accordion to the point that the only thing supporting the flimsy Navi from the shoulders up was a thin strip of paper. Wobbling around due to the poor stability, PaperMan then lifted his hands up and smushed his head in similar fashion, sending a surge of pressure down into his body which blew up his torso into its original form, good as new and looking like nothing had ever happened. He then let his head go, and it too quickly popped back into proper shape. Finally, PaperMan sent a thumbs-up in Shao's direction, signaling that he was okay and they could continue.

Turner had already finished drying his hands and had watched most of PaperMan's emergency repairs, and even he of all people couldn't come up with a snide remark to make. That was just... too weird, admitted Turner mentally as he shook his head. Before exiting the restroom, Turner slotted two more Battlechips into his PET to remind his Navi that he was supposed to be fighting Shao, not be making buddies with him.

A large sheet of paper ejected itself off PaperMan's left arm before folding itself many times over into a multi-layered Guard. One made of paper, albeit, but it still provided some decent defense. At the same time, PaperMan's right arm rolled itself into a large tube, and his hand likewise rolled into a smaller tube to form the barrel of a Shotgun. Once he picked up the Guard off the grass, PaperMan would be armed and ready to face Shao once more.

... Except he didn't pick up the Guard, Turner saw as he walked out of the restroom. Instead, PaperMan had dropped to his knees over the shield, began leaking ink out of the Shotgun, and was writing on the defensive Battlechip. Turner's eyebrow twitched slightly in prelude to a verbal explosion, but ultimately he decided to spare himself the public indecency charges that would have been levied against him. Instead, Turner shifted to the afterthought of looking for his daughter. The display of magnificent parenting proved fruitless, and Shiri still had not exited from the women's restroom. After thinking on it for a moment, Turner realized that the sinks in the restrooms were somewhat high up, so Shiri was probably having some extra difficulty washing her hands. Huh, that ended up being an even better stall tactic than Turner expected.

Back on the Net, PaperMan had just finished his impromptu writing assignment. Now his Guard read as follows:

"I'M
POOR"


Brilliant. Now Shao would surely come to understand that he had little to gain trying to rob PaperMan. He clapped his free hand against the Shotgun in satisfaction before picking up the now-explanatory Guard before facing Shao once more. Despite the attempt at civil communication, PaperMan had let slip from his mind the fact that trying to make peace with his opponent meant not. As a result, he pointed the Shotgun at the foreign Navi in continuation of Turner's orders to fight. PaperMan wanted to be a good NetNavi, and a good NetNavi followed his Operator's orders. Made sense, right?

Regardless of the insane disparity in the meaning of PaperMan's actions, the origami Navi raised his shield in a defensive measure against Shao, who had already proven he could cover ground fast. From around the corner of the Guard, PaperMan pointed the ink-loaded Shotgun out and fired, letting out a bullet of ink that left a trail of drippings along the ground as it flew. He then retreated behind the shield once more, and watched for whatever response Shao would provide.

Actions:

--Grass Regen (+5 HP per action on Grass)
1. Equip Guard1 (1 Hit Shield, Reflect 60, Piercing, Line Attack)
--Buff (11 Strengthen to:)
2. Shotgun (61 damage, Spread 1) @ Shao
3. Dodge

Cooldowns:
Papercutter - 1 turn
Shao enthusiastically watched PaperMan fix his injury with an almost comic-like method. "Ooohh" The mugger clapped his hands in amusement. "What an inter-isting navi!" With an idiotic smile on his face, Shao continued to have his good time till his stomach kicked up and told him to get to business.

The navi groaned as he placed his left hand over his stomach, unable to contain his dire need for anything consumable. "A-anyting will do!" He frantically dashed towards the grassy half of the field and fell on his knees; his hands digging into the blades of grass and...shoving the greens into his mouth and forcefully gulping them down his throat. "*COUGHCOUGH*" Of course, he eventually gagged everything out of his system, but he found himself near PaperMan even after sending him all the way across the field.

He quickly backed away while he tightly held onto his blue staff, immediately lunging his weapon straight forward in a more direct fashion than before. Shao saw PaperMan raise his shield in defense and caught only a glimpse of what was written on there. "I'm P-..." Unable to read the simplest two words in time before the staff crunched the paper shield, Shao was notice the civil message PaperMan had created and found himself struck back by his own attack.

Disgruntled, and even a little delusional, Shao got back on his feet immediately and held his staff just over his head. "Need Mooney!" After taking one large step forward, Shao swung the staff in a sweeping motion over PaperMan's legs, successfully knocking the navi down to the ground. "Hyap!" The hungry navi jumped up into the sky and dove his head straight down to the ground along with his staff, quickly gaining speed down onto PaperMan. The poor navi was unable to avoid the attack as the staff, again, almost punctured through his body, while Shao stood perfectly balanced upside down against the barely standing staff on top of Paperman. [-50]

However, due to all his theatrics, Shao left himself wide open for the inky-shotgun as the blast of the gun sent him flying to the sky. His body lifelessly thudded against the soft grass, simply moaning some more rather than getting up on his two feet. "...*Sniff*...Oh, a coo-rum of a bread would be fine..."

Shao.EXE: 44 HP

Terrain: 50% Normal, 50% Grass

PaperMan.EXE: 25 HP [On Grass] [Guard Broken]
Bread crumbs? Why bread crumbs? If he was going to starve (not to question the possibility of a Navi having hunger), then why didn't Shao dream of something better? Like... pancakes. Pancakes were delicious. Especially with a pad of butter on top and drizzled in honey... PaperMan loved pancakes. If he was a food and not a Navi, he'd be a pancake.

Oh wait. He was a pancake. Shao's diving attack hit him so hard that PaperMan got smushed to the ground and was currently looking up at the fallen foreigner from about... 3 inches high. Darn his malleable body. This being PaperMan, though, he wasn't terribly concerned with what would otherwise be a gruesome injury. Instead, the origami Navi managed to force his arms free from under his... chest? Maybe. It was all kind of mashed together at the moment, so it was hard to tell which body part was where. In any case, PaperMan then grabbed his right arm with his left hand, and began moving the arm up and down like a lever. Up, down, up, down it went, and with each push of his arm, PaperMan grew just a little bit taller...

For the second time since this fight started, Turner could only watch on in a mix of embarrassment and shame. Why was his Navi so flimsy, and why did he have to deal with it in such a cartoon-like method? God...

"Daddy!" chirped Shiri out of the blue, having discretely emerged from the woman's restroom and nearly made her father jump out of his skin. "Hands all clean!" Indeed, Shiri's hands almost sparkled as she showed them palms-open to Turner.

"Ah... Yeah, good job." acknowledged Turner as he patted his daughter's head. "So what kind of pizza do you want?" he asked, showing his awareness for the first time that they were indeed in the Pizza Hub restaurant.

"Pepperoni! Extra cheese!" answered the young girl enthusiastically. Simplistic, but to be expected at 6 years old.

"Alright. Go find a place to sit while I order." commanded Turner as he spun Shiri around to face the seating area before giving her a nudge in that direction. He watched his daughter hop, skip, and bounce off for all of one second before turning back to his PET, to find his Navi back to full height and in working order. "Are you done?" grumbled Turner in frustration.

PaperMan nodded and gave his Operator a thumbs-up, and for what it's worth, gave a thumbs-up to Shao as well. He was such a friendly adversary in this fight to the EJO. He did freeze in that position for a moment, however, as he noticed that wow, he really did hurt all over the place. His ability to clear up the superficial damage did nothing to heal his actual incurred damage, and PaperMan had kinda lost track of how hard he had gotten hit up to this point. There's no way he'd mention that to Turner, though. Turner didn't need to worry about that... not that he'd worry. More like be irritated by. Either way, PaperMan could live with it until the end of the battle... hopefully.

"Whatever. Just take this and finish him quickly. I'm getting in line now, and I need that money." said Turner as an ultimatum before sliding the RageClaw into his PET.

PaperMan nodded in response as he let his right hand be transformed the razor-sharp nails of the RageClaw. Well... Okay, paper-sharp. Close enough. Regardless of which, though, PaperMan would need a little more power to defeat Shao. To accommodate that, PaperMan brought sheets of paper from around his body around and into the RageClaw, beefing it up in size, strength, and sharpness. It was a temporary solution at best, but the origami Navi hoped it would do.

PaperMan charged at Shao without any more hesitation, and the patchwork of his powered-up weapon became evident as sheets of paper began peeling off as he ran. With "too little, too late" only moments away, PaperMan swiped at the enemy beggar with his RageClaw, and that attacking motion alone was enough to cause the excess construction on the Battlechip to explode the impact of a snowball. With the base model of the RageClaw still intact, though, PaperMan leaped at Shao once more, thrusting at his chest with the palm of the claw-hand. Praying that this was enough, PaperMan scrambled back away from Shao, having felt his attacking power more than enough times already.

Actions:
--Grass Regen (+5 HP per action on Grass)
--Buff (11 Strengthen to:)
1. Big Paper RageClaw (51 damage, Slashing) @ Shao
2. Not So Big Paper RageClaw (20 damage, Impact) @ Shao
3. Dodge

Cooldowns:
Papercutter - Ready
PaperMan was out of time and had to end the battle quickly...and so did Shao. The white navi launched itself forward with its claws, but strangely, Shao didn't even roll away from the ground and took the powered-claws to his stomach without any resistance. "..."

Now that PaperMan was within range, Shao grabbed the navi's thin wrist and jumped up on to the ground. "...Let's end dis!" Throwing his blue staff away to the side, he drew his right hand only an inch away PaperMan's bruised torso and barely touched it with his four fingers.

"Torriya!!"

With minimum movement, Shao struck PaperMan with a powerful punch that sent the navi flying (once again!). Unlike the first attack, it did more than just send PaperMan flying. It imprinted a large fist mark on the navi's torso and the 3-feet diameter around Shao was completely clean of grass from the sheer force. [-80 / Microburst] "Dis...Nao...Yuur Mooney..."

Shao reached his limit as he fell on his knee again, head tilting towards the sky with a blank stare in his eyes. A blue crystal slipped out from his sleeves and thudded against the ground, silently floating and spinning around on its own accord. "I can't make it...Eben with mooney...I don't have time to buy food..." Shao really looked like this was the end as it swayed back and forth before he began to fall forward...

*Sniff*

His hands lurched forward to stop himself from hitting the ground and pushed himself off the ground and on his two feet. His nose sniffed around some more, facing directly opposite from the bank. "...*Drool*" Faint as it was, the smell of food invigorated the hungry navi and filled him with hope. Completely ignoring the crystal possession he was once holding, Shao quickly took off while taking his staff as well...

"Bah! You fight back too mich! I'll remember yuu when I see you with a full stomak!"

And with that, PaperMan was left alone, bruised and wounded. On the bright side, the blue crystal opened itself to reveal a large pile of zenny... ... ...Poor Shao.

Shao.EXE: 1 HP / FLED

Terrain: 60% Normal, 40% Grass

PaperMan.EXE: 1 HP [Rageclaw: 4/6]

-BATTLE WON!-
1,000z
"Hello, welcome to Pizza Hub. May I take your order?" asked the female worker at the register, with a smile on her face and the tone of a robot.

Craaaaaap. Hurry up, PaperMan! Damnit! swore Turner mentally, which, for his mind, was actually pretty mild. "Uh... Yes, two slices pepperoni... extra cheese." answered Turner as slowly as humanly possible, but only stalling to the point where he realized he hadn't actually ordered food for himself. "And, uh... Four slices..." he muttered, glancing up to the menu on the wall, "... Supreme." Hey, he was a big guy. He needed the works.

"Would you like drinks with that? Breadsticks?" asked the worker in a patter as close to cut-and-paste for human speech as possible. Oh god, get the money already, PaperMan...

After soaring through the air due to Shao's final strike, PaperMan found himself flopping to the ground... right in front of the ATM! Happy day! Except... Ow. He hurt. It was pretty hard for PaperMan to move. He had to, though! For Turner's trust! For Shiri's happiness! For both their stomachs! Climb, PaperMan! Reach! The origami Navi pushed himself up as far as he could, then stretched his arm out towards the ATM's control panel. If only his arm was a little bit longer...

... Oh wait, he was made of paper. He could stretch his arm as far as he wanted. Looked like the theatrics were over.

"Thank you for using Electopia National online banking. The requested amount has been transferred from your savings account to your mobile account. Have a nice day." reported the virtual machine.

Victory! PaperMan slumped wearily against the side of the ATM, holding a feeling of overwhelming relief within himself. Wait... PaperMan was looking back towards the former battlefield, and there was suddenly a broken blue data crystal on the ground. Why was there... Oh god money. Did he really... All PaperMan could really think to do was bury his hands in his face out of sheer embarrassment for Shao, before trudging up and over to the forgotten cash to collect it.

"Very well. How will you be paying today?" asked the worker soullessly. Was she an android or something?

"Uh... Ergh..." grunted Turner awkwardly as he glanced at his PET. Account balance... not zero! Holy crap, PaperMan did it. "Account transfer." answered Turner immediately, wanting to get this over and done with before something else stupid happened. He pointed his PET at the register, let the digital currency beam in, and thus all was well.

"Thank you for your business. Please enjoy your meal." responded the worker as Turner's order magically popped out from the kitchen. She handed the food and drinks to the disgruntled father, and with that the female worker had become irrelevant in the rest of Turner's life.

"Here you go, Shiri." said Turner as he laid the food tray down, after finding his daughter having camped out the single largest table in the restaurant for the two of them. How very... 6 year old.

"Yay! Thank you Daddy!" cheered Shiri as she immediately grabbed a slice of pizza. After happily nibbling on it for a bit, she paused suddenly and asked, "Is PaperMan done with his walk, Daddy?"

... Oh... right. PaperMan. Having only looked at his account balance before, Turner hadn't even seen what was up with PaperMan. "You done in there, PaperMan?" asked Turner lazily, not even daring to mention why PaperMan was in there in the first place.

The origami Navi, who had gathered up Shao's forgotten cash and promptly fell flat on the ground again, just gave a thumbs-up towards the video screen. That was probably a yes.

(Jack Out)