Darkfail

Quote (Darkrai)

That's how I write mine,Dear Zolem.

Umm, no you don't. Zolem writes her Fan Fiction like an actual story. You write yours like a script.

...You know what, since I'm feeling incredibly generous and kind, I'll make you an offer. Would it be okay if I took your scripts, and attempted to make them into revamped, okay-looking fanfics, just for generosity's sake?

And everyone else, before you start jumping down MY throats as well as Darkrais for being something like a n00b-loving idiot, realize that this is partially because I'm in a good mood, and partially because I can't think of anything to do for my normal fanfic, The Endless Void, and I need something to pass the time with.

So, Darkrai, this okay with you? Can I try this out?

Quote (Darkrai)

That's how I write mine,Dear Zolem.

Darkrai, You listen to me, so here's something you should read. CAREFULLY! To prevent The thing called "Bias'd example" I will present the same quality level (unacceptable) to each example.

Quote (What your doing)

CharacterA: Im gonna jump!
CharacterB: *cries*NOO!
CharacterA: YES!
*rustling wind*
CharacterA: *Jumps and dies*

Note you made it like a script. If your making a script you must let the people know, otherwise your going to see alot of FAIL posted in reviews and comments.


NOW LOOK AT THIS. THIS IS A FORMAT ACCEPTABLE TO THE COMMUNITY

Quote (What we want (at least format wise))

CharacterA Stands at the edge of the cliff. CharacterB is crying behind CharacterA. CharacterA says "Im gonna jump!", CharacterB says "NOO!". CharacterA yells "YES!" at CharacterB. A rustling wind comes by, and CharacterA jumps and dies when he lands on the ground.

DARKRAI. WRITE WITHH A BETTER QUALITY THEN I DID, AND USE THE SECOND FORMAT I PROVIDED. THANK YOU.

Quote (Phoenix)

Quote (Darkrai)

That's how I write mine,Dear Zolem.

Umm, no you don't. Zolem writes her Fan Fiction like an actual story. You write yours like a script.

...You know what, since I'm feeling incredibly generous and kind, I'll make you an offer. Would it be okay if I took your scripts, and attempted to make them into revamped, okay-looking fanfics, just for generosity's sake?

And everyone else, before you start jumping down MY throats as well as Darkrais for being something like a n00b-loved idiot, realize that this is partially because I'm in a good mood, and partially because I can't think of anything to do for my normal fanfic, The Endless Void, and I need something to pass the time with.

So, Darkrai, this okay with you? Can I try this out?

I don't think you're a noob-lover. I think it's wonderful that you're wiling to help others out. This is actually helping me with my bad mood. Thank you.

Hm. Approved by meh. It'd still be about a godmoding little kid, but...
It'd be better, if nothing else.

Okay, I'll tell my progress on the story:

I've written three full pages, up to the part where Salieo's about to drink the Dark Elixer. At the request of a great many people who want the story itself to be a little different, I've altered it as such:

Salieo isn't as godmodey as he was before. Now, instead of turning that thug into ash in one shot, he used one Dark Blast to slam the bogey into a tree, and another to rip a bloody hole through his chest, but not before letting him talk a little more.

Dawn is now 18, just like Salieo in human years. She's also not a bit on the slutty side, but instead just uses those lines to tease Salieo.

Everyone has a lot more lines, even the thug.

And that's it. BUT, (yes, there's a but) before I can continue, because I'm in quite a sticky spot, I need to know pretty much everything that was unexplained. Here are my questions that I need Darkrai to answer for me:

How did Salieo meet Darkrai and Lucario? They weren't even in Chappy 2, yet suddenly they were best buddies with Salieo in Chappy 3. Explain how he met with both of them, please.

How did Salieo meet May. Again, second chapter he didn't even know her, thid chapter he was her boyfriend. Explain, pleezey.

What does Salieo look like? This one, I need every detail; face, hair, CLOTHES, etc. I mean it when I say EVERY detail.


And that's it. Darkrai, if you could answer these questions, please, I'll be able to write more of Darkfall.

Here's a FULL briefing of Salieo

Name:Salieo "Gaurdias" Ikaten
Nickname:North
Age:128,518
Appearance:Blood red hair,light blue sunglasses,usually is seen wearing a purple mastman robe,and green boots with white half gloves.
Height:6"1
Weight:100.04
Race:Neko/Varr
Bio(Sorry it's poorly written):Narrator:there was a boy...a boy born of the Varrs...A boy who was half Varr,half neko,they thought he was a curse brought on by the end of their race,they thought he was an accident...soon they found out,he was their savior.Through the years,the boy triumphed and trained in the harshest conditions,such as the Snowlands,Or the Mountains.When he was old enough to become a Crusader,tragedy befell the race,they discovered he had been born of Dark Energy,so they tried to eliminate the boy.But,out of nowhere, a strange creature named Sic Gharten killed his mother,his father and in his plain sight,burned his sister.Enraged,he tries his best to stop him,but is knocked out by the Elder.He soon re-awakens,awakens to find out his entire race had been destroyed.That boy...a new adventure and a world of opportunity opened for him.That boy...his name...was Salieo.
Friends(Depends on worlds):Lucario,Giratina,Dawn,May,Sapphire,Darkrai,and many others.
Girlfriends:Dawn,May and Sapphire
Number of crimes commited:550k
Number of people dead:553k
Alignment:Good/Evil
Attacks:
Cintrif Arhlari-Boost Attack and defense,cuts MP lightly

NorthSouth Convertion-Converts Magnetic forces to HP and MP

Energy Form-Boost movement speed,boost attacking speed(time depends on level)

Lyx Rose(Hideki Lyx's skill)-Boost All base stats,but slowly reduces HP

Surviving Chance-Raises Max MP and HP of party members

Northern Horn-Raises critical attack rate

Falkat Rar-Weapon attack speed increases,uses x2 MP

Heaven's Blessing(Rare use)-Grants x4 Exp depending on level

Hell's offering(One person use)Raises Dawn's inferno skill by 2 points each level

Taunting Dance-Dances and taunts enemy to follow him,eventually exploding

Singing Blowout-Sings terrible melody,destroys enemy

Interracial Hate-Remembers hate of Interracial love,boost rage skill
_______________________________________
____________________


Special Skills(When rage is 100%)

Dragon Power-Uses power of the dragon to attack enemy constantly(can be upto 10 hits)

Illusion Partner-Creates illusion partner,attack is raised signifigantly

Cheer up(Use on Salieo by dawn)-Dawn kisses salieo to boost his attack

Taunt(Giratina>Salieo)-Tells Salieo he'll be a commander forever,boost his attack and defense harshly
_______________________________________
_________________________

God Skill

Power of the ones-Calls on the legendary ones to attack enemy,ending in big bang by Salieo

Team info
Dawn-A loveable heroin from Sinnoh,serious when it comes to battle

Feina-A oddly colored Chintza,powerful in offence,weak in defensive tatics

Giratina-Straight out of Honnis,a world opposite of Sinnoh,this legendary pokemon knows no bounds when it comes to using his Shadow Force skills.

Tempo-Serious when it comes to helping others in need,Sound skills give the team an advantage

Niroju-A ninja of The Dark Clan,betrayed his race in order to find peace in his heart

Solo Axlion-Holder of the legendary sword,able to detect events in the future

Duskus-Overly active at night,quickness kills everything in sight

Nixitzoan-Legendary sensation Nixitzoan,skilled in Physical and Magical attacks,using his Calm skill,is nearly untouchable.

Marutho-Leader of Akel Alliance(West base),a mastman of the sea,uses the Aqua element to end his foes lives ultimately

And the leader...Salieo-Immortal Varr,in the heat of battle,aids his commrades in order to succesfully keep them from being harmed.Using his Deadly Swift skill,is nearly untouchable when jumping high distances.

Quote (Darkrai)

Here's a FULL briefing of Salieo

Nam-blah, blah, blah, I don't need all this stuff.

*facepalms*

Ugh, I'll just have to improvise from here. Thanks anyway for the clothing description, though. That's the only thing I can thank you for, though.

Also, just FTR (for the record), I've completely stripped Salieo of all his attacks, special skills, god skills, everything, except for his list of friends, which I'll have to improvise with, as you STILL haven't told me how he met all of them, and his basic bio information. Note that this is just because I'm doing my best to remake your stuff into something that everyone can at least treat with a bit of respect and not flame to within an inch of its life.

Have a nice day. /lol

I'm going to kill you.Modify the abilities and put them back.I spent 15 hours creating Salieo.

My comments:

I clicked on Zolem's link expecting to laugh. I was pleasantly surprised. Not only was it an improvement over this BS, it was actually good. So kudos to Zolem.

Darkstar, too, managed to get something right: You are ten times as fail as he is. That much failure contained in a single person would be deadly under normal circumstances. Maybe you are immortal after all.

Phoenix, it pains me to say this, but he's right. It's his character, not yours. You can steal the character, but then you're no longer writing it for him.

Besides, with Pokemon, pedophilia, and THIS MUCH FAILURE all in the same place, anything you write would probably just be a joke. A mean one. At Darkrai's expense. But then, he's not reading the rest of these posts, why should he read yours?

Another thing, he seems to have written Salieo like a video game character or something. There's no theme, no sense, no nothing. This is unsalvageable.

Finally,

Quote ()

Interracial Hate-Remembers hate of Interracial love,boost rage skill

What the FUCK?

DIE. DIE IN A FIRE. GET OFF MY BOARD, OFF MY INTERNETS, OUT OF MY SIGHT, AND OUT OF MY GOD DAMNED COUNTRY.

Wait, wait, let me see what I wrote.

*facepalms self*

Sorry, I forgot to say something. I took all these attack things that you listed, and I modified them all into one single power: that he has near-complete control over 'Dark Energy'. Basically, he can still do everything you say he can, only it makes more sense for him, he's not as much of a godmoding hacker, and I myself can understand it.

This okay with you? Oh, and next time I post here, I'll be carrying the first chapter with me, alright?

Quote (Kazuhiro)

Finally,

Quote ()

Interracial Hate-Remembers hate of Interracial love,boost rage skill

What the FUCK?

DIE. DIE IN A FIRE. GET OFF MY BOARD, OFF MY INTERNETS, OUT OF MY SIGHT, AND OUT OF MY GOD DAMNED COUNTRY.

Ah, how I do so love racism. [/sarcasm]

Either way Kazu, that's flaming. He can make poorly-contrived, cliche'd racist characters in a fanfiction nobody should care about if he pleases-- you, however, can't flame him. It's against our rules.

Warn+1.

Good day.

-Twi

Quote (Kazuhiro)

My comments:

I clicked on Zolem's link expecting to laugh. I was pleasantly surprised. Not only was it an improvement over this BS, it was actually good. So kudos to Zolem.

Darkstar, too, managed to get something right: You are ten times as fail as he is. That much failure contained in a single person would be deadly under normal circumstances. Maybe you are immortal after all.

Phoenix, it pains me to say this, but he's right. It's his character, not yours. You can steal the character, but then you're no longer writing it for him.

Besides, with Pokemon, pedophilia, and THIS MUCH FAILURE all in the same place, anything you write would probably just be a joke. A mean one. At Darkrai's expense. But then, he's not reading the rest of these posts, why should he read yours?

Another thing, he seems to have written Salieo like a video game character or something. There's no theme, no sense, no nothing. This is unsalvageable.

Finally,

Quote ()

Interracial Hate-Remembers hate of Interracial love,boost rage skill

What the FUCK?

DIE. DIE IN A FIRE. GET OFF MY BOARD, OFF MY INTERNETS, OUT OF MY SIGHT, AND OUT OF MY GOD DAMNED COUNTRY.

Thank you for the compliment. I'm a very good story writer, but I'm not so good at posting, as I'm not in control of everything.

..............he made ANOTHER racist comment? That's his seccond one, only this time it applies to a fictional charecter, so while it's not as bad, it just confirms more in my mind that his earlier statements about himslef being racist seem true.

Quote ()

.............he made ANOTHER racist comment? That's his seccond one

Actually, I've been meaning to ask someone about this. We were considering removing the warn PA gave him for racism because no one could find the racist post.

Quote (Kazuhiro)

Quote ()

.............he made ANOTHER racist comment? That's his seccond one

Actually, I've been meaning to ask someone about this. We were considering removing the warn PA gave him for racism because no one could find the racist post.

If I recal corectly, it was in his Welcome thread.
Also, making all his powers based off of one special effect is actually a sugestion I sould make, as it makes little sense for a person to have too wide a variety of powers, unless there is a good reason, such as they are a spellcaster or possess a wide variety of magic items. Otherwise, it makes little sense to have a huge variety of powers.

If I see another warn,you're gonna get it up the schnazola.

Quote (Darkrai)

If I see another warn,you're gonna get it up the schnazola.

..........do I even WANT to know what that is?

Your nose,smart-arse.

You are in no position to be making threats.

So?Tell me how much you've modified Darkfall now,you savage human.

Calm the hell down. I'm still working on the second chapter; school and colds have been biting me in the ass and I feel plain horrible. I'll make a new thread titled, "Darkfall by Phoenix," or something to that degree once I'm done the first chapter, but for now, just be patient.