Here we have the corniest idea for a topic.

A language teacher was explaining to her class that in French, nouns unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine.
"House" in French, is feminine -"la maison," "Pencil" in French, is masculine "le crayon."
One puzzled student asked, "What gender is computer?" The teacher did not know, and the word was not in her French dictionary.
So for fun she split the class into two groups appropriately enough, by gender and asked them to decide whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun.
Both groups were required to give four reasons for their recommendation.
The men's group decided that computer should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computer"), because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later review
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine "le computer") because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realise that if you had waited a little longer you could have gotten a better model.

L'ordinateur, French n00bs! L' is used before vowels.
A buddhist walks up to a hot dog vendor and says "Make me one with everything."
A woman from India came to America with her son to live in peace. Her son name was even foreign as his name was Booti "Michal" Ich. One day, her son was driving to college and he was in a car wreck.

She got to the scene as she ran yelling...

"No! My Booti Ich! My Booti Ich!"

Then a fire man had ran up to her, grabbed her, and then shook her yelling,

"Then Scratch it, girl! Scratch it!"
PA's made me rofl.
Zane's made me lul.
I have another.


An American-Indian boy was inquiring to his father about their culture.

Father, how do we get our names?

Well, my son, we name our children after things that occur naturally, or that are important. Like your brother Leaping Antelope, and your sister Running Stream.

Is there anything else you would like to know, Broken Rubber?

When I first heard that one...
Ha ha...

now to kill the thread with my horrible jokes...


a man runs into a doctors office.

"Doctor! Doctor!" the man cried, "I got a splinter in my hand!"

"Thats nothing," the doctor said, "I got nails in all my fingers and toes."


I just got a car the other day...

unfortunately, it's so old it's insured against fire, theft, and viking raid...


my electrical jokes are rather SHOCK-ing. some might even say their re-VOLT-ing. WATTs the matter with me? I just wanna go back OHM...


why did the ghost not go to the dance? he had no body to go with...

the skeleton didn't have the guts either...


a blond, a brunette, a red head, an american, a canadian, a scotsman, a gorrilla, and two guys walk into a bar...

bartender: what is this? some kind of joke?


I want to get into astrology...

I hear it's looking up....

although gardening is growing...

and the future of electricity is looking bright...

more later
Your first two jokes are awesome.
The rest suck ass.
+2 Hiko Tokens
Two guys walk into a bar. You'd think the second one would have noticed.
Okay, so this guy walks into a bar and he says


(I know so lame! XD)

Edit: Ack! I posted not noticing P.A.'s post and he makes my joke so obvious now.

*sulks while groping Miharu*
This joke works 50% of the time. The other 50% it blows, so here it goes.

Once, thee was an umpire famous for wandering all over the field. He's somthimes be behind thrid plate, home plate, out in left field, out near the short stop, and what not. One day he got beaned with a fly ball and collapsed. As the medics rushed him off the field, the color comentator said "Folks, we just witnessed the fall of the Romin' Umpire."

If you didn't like that, how about...

Three men and a little boy are stranded in a liferaft. There is an island with a village off in the distance one of them could swim to, but the waters are full of sharks. The first man, an athlete, tries to swim across quickly, but is rapidly devoured. The second man, a preist, tries to use faith to keep the sharks at bay, but when he wims out he is also eaten. Finally, the last man, a lawyer, swims out to the island and gets help. As the boy and the man get on the helicopter to be flown back home, the boy asked how he survived. The lawyer replied 'Profesional courtesy.'

And finnaly:

"You know, Lou got class. Here we are at war with the Berati familly, and he still gets somthing for mother's day."

"Really,what did he get her?"

"Mrs. Berati's earrings."

Patient: "Doctor, Doctor, My son swallowed a roll of film."
Doctor: "Let's wait and see if anything develops."

Patient: "Doctor, Doctor, I broke my arm in two places."
Doctor: "Then never go back to those places."

Patient: "Doctor, Doctor, everyone thinks that I'm a liar."
Doctor: "I can't believe that."


A woman is going on a tour through an asylum. While on this tour, she asks the guide, "How do you know when the patients are ready to leave?" The guide turns to her and says, "It's simple, really. We give them a test." The woman asks "What kind of test." to which the man responds, "We turn on a faucet over a trough, give them a bucket, and ask them to emptty the trough. Of course, sibce the water is constantly running, they never can empty it." The woman thinks about it for a moment. "But how does that tell you if they're ready to be released." The man answers, "Oh, that's easy too. The ones who aren't crazy will turn off the faucet first. A look of enlightnement comes across the face of the woman. "Oh. I never would've thought of that."

The new employee stood before the paper shredder, looking confused.
"Need help?" asked a secretary as she walked by.
"Yes, " he replied, "How does this thing work?"
"Simple," she said, taking the pile of papers from his hand and feeding them into the shredder.
"Thanks," he said, "but where do the copies come out?"

A large boat, the U.S.S. Lincoln, was heading north along the coast. Suddenly, it got a transmission, "Attention ship, we advise that you turn, to avoid collision with us." it said. The captain of the U.S.S. Lincoln replied, "No, I advise that you avert your course." The radio buzzed to life again. "Negative, I'd advise you change course." This made the captain angry. "This here is the U.S.S. Lincoln, one of the largest ships in all the US, and I am its captain. We are not changing our course, understand?" he stated. The radio buzzed to life once more, "This is a lighthouse, your call."


Mother: Son, what did your father say after the golf game?
Son: You want me to leave out the curse words?
Mother: Why, of course.
Son: Well then, nothing.

Mother: I want you to give your aunt a kiss, this is the last day she'll be in town.
Son: No way, when dad tried that, she slapped im.

Man 1: Where'd you get the black eye?
Man 2: I took my wife out to get a new dress, and she couldn't decide between two. So she had two models try the dresses on.
Man 1: So, where'd you get the black eye?
Man 2: She asked me which one I like better.
Man 1: So where'd you get the black eye?
Man 2: I said, "The Brunette."


Did you hear about the boarding house that exploded last saturday?
Yeah, roomers were flying.

Did you hear about the farmer who hit the hay at the end of a long day?
It's a good thing, too, becuase the barn roof he fell from was two stories high.

Two atoms walk into eachother. The first one says, "Oh no! I've lost an electron."
The second one replies, "Are you sure?" to which the first answers, "Sure? I'm positive!"

Yeah, they're stupid jokes. Oh well.
Actual airline pilot conversations...

"TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees."
"Centre, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"
"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"

Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!"
Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"

O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."
United 239: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this... I've got the little Fokker in sight."

One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?"
The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a real zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours and I'll have enough parts for another one."
Little Darkrai walks into his father's room before bedtime and asks his father, "Daddy, what are politics?"

Naturally, his father is rather taken aback, but answers anyway, "Okay, let's say that all the different parts of the family are different parts of politics. I'm the one that makes all the money, so we'll call me Capitalism. Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. Your nanny; we'll call her the Working Division. We'll call you the People, and your little brother the Future. Think about that when you go to sleep, okay, Darkrai?" He was trying to confuse little Darkrai so he would stop bothering him.

"Okay, Daddy!" Darkrai said happily.

So, its late at night, and Darkrai is still trying to figure out what his father had told him, when he hears his little brother crying in his room. He runs in, only to find that his brother had pooped himself ... a lot. He runs to his mother and father's room and goes inside; his father isn't there. Nevertheless, Darkrai tries to wake up his mother, but nothing he tries will work. He gives up and runs to the guest room, where his nanny was staying over for the night. Looking through the peephole, he sees his father making love with the nanny. Convinced that noone will help him, he gives up and goes to sleep.

The next day, Darkrai tells his father, "Daddy, I've figured out what you said about Politics."

"Oh, really? Then let's hear it," his father said, interested.

"Well," Darkrai began, "While Capitalism is screwing the Working Division, the Government is asleep, the People are being ignored, and the Future is in really deep shit."

The only good joke I have.
Skydiving over India

Instructor: Okay mates, we're skydiving over this area. Once you fall for 30 seconds pull on the first tag to let the parachute out. If nothing happens for 30 seconds, pull the second tag. If your parachute hasn't come out 30 seconds later, clap you hands together and pray "BUDDHA BUDDHA BUDDHA!"
So one by one the skydivers jumped out. One pulled his first tag, but nothing happened for 30 seconds. So he pulled the second tag and waited 30 seconds, nothing happened, the trees were getting kind of big. So, in desperation, the skydiver clapped his hands together and prayed "BUDDHA BUDDHA BUDDHA!" for a bit and his parachute came out. In relief, he cried, "OH THANK GOD!"
A russian, mexican, and an american were sitting togehter, drinking together, and they had pistols.

The russian guy takes a big swig of his Vodka and throws the bottle into the air, and shoots it. "We got LOTS of that in russia!"

The mexican takes his tequila, takes a big drink, throws the bottle into the air, and shoots it "Tons of that in Mexico!"

The American takes a big drink, throws the bottle into the air, and shoots the mexican guy. "Lots of those in America!"
more jokes from the knig of fail...


the prime minister of canada, the premier of ontario, and the premier of Quebec we walking in the desert, when they came across a lamp. they rub it, and a djini pops out, saying"you can each have one wish"

the prime minister thinks, and wishes that no one finds out about his scandals. the djini grants it.

the premier of Quebec thinks, and remembering how they want to seperate, wishes that there is a 300 ft wall around his provence, and that nothing can get in and nothing can get out, the djini goes,"it is done..."

the premier of Ontario thinks, and asks the djini, "Is that wall waterproof?"


"fill her up"


the three greatest swords men got together and wanted to see which one was the best. they decided to attack the flies in the bar.

the first swordsman gets up, swings his sword, and a fly falls to the ground in 2 perfect halves.

the second swordsman laughed at the firsts display, got up, and swung his sword, and a fly fell in perfect quarters.

the final swordsman gets up and swings his sword at a fly, and it buzzes away. the other two laugh and say how he completely missed. turning to face them, he sheathes his sword and says...

"You weren't watching closely enough..."

"Yes the fly lives, but he'll never be a father..."


the greatest joke ever...



A canadian, an american, and darkria were out hunting one day. the canadian goes into the forest for 5 minutes, and comes back with a rabbit. impressed, darkrai goes "How did you get it so quickly?"

"I followed the tracks and shot it."

the american goes in the forest, and in 15 minutes, comes back with a deer. Even more impressed, darkrai goes "How did you get it so quickly?"

"I followed the tracks and shot it."

Finally darkrai goes into the woods. As the sun was starting to set, Darkrai crawls out of the woods horriably mangled. "What happend?" the canadian asks...

"I folloed the tracks and got hit by a train..."


more later
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were lost in a forest. They came upon a small wooden cabin in their circular movements, and unanimously decided to go inside. Suddenly, a magic genie appeared.

"I'll grant each of you one wish."

So, the brunette said, "I want to go home." And poof, she was home!

So, the redhead said, "I want to go home." And poof, she was home!

And the blonde said....

"I wish my friends were back here with me." And poof!
A blond was driving down the highway, looking left and right, and finally pulled over next to a big grassy field. She then gets the cannoo off the roof of her car and starts paddling out into the middle of the field. A while later another blond drives up and shouts "What the heck are you doing?"

To which the first blond replies "I'm cannooing."

The second blond starts getting mad and shouts "It's morrons liek you who give all us blonds a bad name, and if I could swim I'd throtle ya."
A blonde is broke, and really needs some money.
So she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.
She snatches a child, and pins a note to him saying "If you want your kid alive, give me $10000. Signed, a Blonde." and makes him go home.

An hour later, the kid comes back with the money, and a note that says "How could you do this to a fellow blonde?"
Oh, dumb blonde jokes is it?
Very Well

A blonde looks into a store and sees a TV Monitor that she likes. She asks the clerk if she can buy it but he says, "No way, you're a dumb blonde."
Then she leaves the store and puts on a brunette wig and goes into the store again asking if she buy the TV, but the clerk shakes his head saying, "No way, you're a dumb blonde."
Frusturated, the blonde walks out of the store again and now equips a red-head wig. She again asks the clerk if she can buy the TV but the clerk shakes his head and says, "No way, you're a dumb blonde."
Livid, the blonde takes off her wig and exclaims, "How did you know?"
To which the store clerk replied, "That's a microwave, not a TV monitor."
What did the Blond say when she first saw Cherrios?

'Look, donut seeds!'