Sleuth and UnmadeMan exchanged some decidedly work-focused bedroom talk while Sleuth quickly processed the answers, seeing as she could be receiving a big interruption any time now. "Rescued? What does that mean? It calls to mind unoperated navis that have been abandoned by their operators. But who is this 'Family' that goes after both the NetPolice and the NetMafia? And is he saying they target the resources of both groups? That's ballsy... enemies in high places," the lady of the two mused, thinking that perhaps UnmadeMan wasn't being overconfident about the Boss's survival chances after all.
Still, UnmadeMan finally yielded and led the way back to the boss, with Sleuth following close behind to make sure that he didn't jump the gun, nor pull the gun either. "Ooooh deary, murder, she wrote," the detective commented with a quick "tut tut" that seemed neither properly sympathetic towards Shoe nor properly apologetic toward UnmadeMan for wasting his time. "That will certainly put some red in the cheeks."
This was hardly the time for joking, of course; it wouldn't take a master detective to suspect that Sis's warpath would reach this room soon. For her part, she waited as late to step in as she could, smiling in spite of the grave situation. That smile was one of genuine pleasure, but also taunted more and more out of those still speaking. Her reasoning was simple: the longer they talked, the more information she could gather to form her hypotheses. With every word, certain possibilities became more plausible and floated to the top. Her focus became narrower...
She danced backward and away from UnmadeMan, then, either recognizing the chaos of the room or otherwise not wanting to talk over the music, silenced the boombox with a quick tap of her finger. "Sorry to interrupt your drum solo, Birthday Boy, but as it so happens, I am ready to put a bow on this strange caper. A necessary present, delivered to us, one and all," she chuckled, suddenly seeming to become every bit a detective despite her wardrobe, which was barely fit for a sexy maid any more. "Ah, but today's mystery has been a gift delivered unto me and I thank you all very much for the opportunity."
She began to rush along, sensing that either UnmadeMan would act on Sis's advice or the dangerous drink mixer would handle things herself if he took too long. That said, she couldn't lead with her hypothesis... not only would it cause Sis to immediately begin to counteract her, but also, it was just very bad form for any mystery's solution to begin with the answer. "First of all, I'll address the elephant in the room, or the puppet not in the room, as it were. It is my belief that SuspendedMan has, in fact, not been deleted. I assure you, I come upon this conclusion based upon far more evidence than that SuspendedMan informed me he planned to act out a false death tonight," she informed them, cutting that suspicion off right away.
"My reasons are primarily in study of Sis's and Shoe's behavior. Sis, your anger appears to have been triggered by knowledge that SuspendedMan has been deleted, but this smells fishy from the start. How do you know that SuspendedMan has been deleted and not simply ejected? Does he return to your same PET?" she asked, pacing the floor slowly, with her massive breasts heaving distractingly at each step. "Did he simply cease returning your messages? Did he deliver you dying words, after leaving us with a paltry note to carry on the show without him?" she asked, tilting one eyebrow. "In fact, there are only a handful of ways for you to know SuspendedMan perished at all. The stretch, that perhaps you share a PET with him. The likely, that you received a message from him. The most likely? Actually, there is another even more likely, but we will return to that point."
"More curious, in Sis's 'Shoe is the culprit' theory, is Shoe's behavior. To match your scenario, her behavior would have to have been thus: Shoe kills SuspendedMan. Shoe then reports this to Sis, who did not see SuspendedMan fall and thus could have been kept unaware, unless she received some sort of message. Shoe then attempts to knock Sis out- doesn't delete her- and the result of that knockout lasts only a few minutes, as UnmadeMan and I scamper upstairs to the boudoir. Ah, you might say, Shoe didn't murder Sis in this scenario because of a sharp focus on undoing the Boss, her real target!" she gasped, pointing at her partner, then wincing and holding up both hands, realizing UnmadeMan might react to that. "But no, does that make sense? Shoe didn't exactly wear out her heels getting over here, did she? No, when we encounter her here, she is still entertaining the boss. Not only entertaining him, but doing a bang up job of it, in a way that sacrifices all of her physical faculties by tying up her hands, her legs, even her eyesight, while making the very act of sitting very uncomfortable for the foreseeable future! If that is not enough fishy evidence to turn your nose up, then consider this as well: that supposed knockout that Shoe says Sis gave her lasted merely long enough for us to run upstairs and run back down. In short, there seemed to be no sense of urgency to eliminate anyone on Shoe's part, especially strange if we harbor any suspicion that she may have just murdered SuspendedMan in view of his family!"
Here, she realized she was getting thirsty... she nearly decided on drinking one of the drinks from earlier, but stopped her hand as it touched the glass. She still hadn't fully decided if there was real poison at work here. Sleuth tried her best to put UnmadeMan and whatever furniture she could between herself and Sis as she spoke. "Let's revisit that earlier hanging note. The most likely possibility of all is that Sis assumed SuspendedMan was deleted because that was her own narrative," the detective smirked. "That's not all, of course. You're likely wondering about a motive and furthermore whether Sis would really go so far as to delete her own Family member. The answer, of course, is no: SuspendedMan is not the sacrificial pawn here. The Family is, by all observations, close knit. Just look at that wonderful portrait!" she cheered, raising both hands with a massive bounce of her bosom, gesturing towards the painting above the sitting area. "Miss Shoe, however, would make a fantastic sacrifice. And the motive? Well, I'd been racking my brain over that one, but I believe Sis gave us a hint of that herself when she said 'for the family to be taken seriously.' "
"Let us remember- this is all a performance for someone. There is a plot at foot which someone is meant to see and take something from. Here, we are on your turf. We are but two detectives, women at that, despite our physical abilities. You have an able bodied male, a very spiky lady, and a boss who I've been assured is more than capable of handling a stripper or two. I've already explained several reasons why Shoe is not a likely candidate to be a murderer, but why would she risk this, surrounded by hostiles? If her goal was only SuspendedMan, would she not have jacked out after deleting him? If her goal was all of you, why only 'knock out' Sis, if she even did, and why prostrate herself before the boss instead of taking him out?"
"So why? What's the endgame? I am a detective, but in the end, as long as there are theories left opposing and not eliminated, I can only speculate. Allow me to offer some options, however, for your edification," she faked a curtsy towards the two gentlemen in the room, and Shoe, who had hopefully been released by the boss by this point. "Supposition number one! Let us suppose that SuspendedMan was not in on it. I still don't believe Sis would delete him- because I don't believe he's been deleted- but if he was, the theory becomes almost too cliche to consider. Perhaps Sis saw an opportunity for advancement with one figure, SuspendedMan, off the board and used this opportunity to remove him? Framing Shoe and myself would allow her to get off scott free. It sounds as though SuspendedMan was prepared to make some sort of 'speech' later in the night, so certainly, he must be close to the top of your charming totem pole. One less competitor, hm? But no, no... I sense this is not correct. Lovely family such as yourselves wouldn't want to harm one another."
"Supposition number two, and I believe this one is a right crafty flight of fancy: what if SuspendedMan was in on it? He said this was a 'murder mystery' for the boss. I gather you all, the Family, are the, eh... deviant type, based on what I saw caked to the walls out in the shack and based on, you know, you all being a rather intense and imposing bunch besides. Again, I reiterate: whoever is doing this wants some visual flair out of it. Wouldn't it be just a rib tickler for the boss if SuspendedMan feigned death and it became a real who-dunnit, culminating in the pointing out of the culprit- either Shoe or myself, or both- who would be 'ousted' to put it nicely. Later, after the dirty deed was done, SuspendedMan would reveal himself to be alright and everyone would applaud this drastic, cutting-edge new form of theater! Everyone would share a hearty chuckle. Sounds a little far-fetched? I will tell you what's really far-fetched: that Sis sent the message to be wary of Shoe only to UnmadeMan, not to her Boss, the one who would, theoretically, be in the most imminent danger from Shoe's attacks. Why would that be the case? Well, as good a reason as any I can venture: to preserve the Boss's role as the audience, while UnmadeMan was tricked into attacking one of us hapless detectives."
"I do have a third supposition!" she offered, speaking very, very quickly now to avoid being attacked by... anyone, she really couldn't fully anticipate who would be comfortable with her continuing. "Perhaps a bit juvenile. Sis said she wanted the family to be taken seriously, right? What if this whole concept of strippers dancing around the boss in their finest cupcake wrappers upset Sis here? Perhaps she feels as though it reflects poorly on the whole Family. Maybe she's even a little smitten with SuspendedMan... or UnmadeMan, strapping gentleman that he is, half a good head on his shoulders and very full head elsewhere... or the Boss, virile and experienced chap. For whatever reason, she doesn't like seeing floozies like us give them lap-dances! Easiest thing in the world to simply send SuspendedMan not a lethal poison, but something that will take him out of the picture temporarily... or perhaps feed him a line about staying away... while concocting a scenario that will have UnmadeMan unmake the two of us. We'd be gone and when SuspendedMan returned, she'd explain that we were the ones that poisoned him, but gosh, good thing he managed to pull through it! I like this one. It makes me giggle," she giggled, grinning annoyingly.
In all of this, one might get the idea she greatly trusted her partner, casting no suspicion upon Shoe. In truth, the only reason Shoe was not on the chopping block right now was the position she'd assumed. In Sleuth's mind, no way, no how would a guilty person with their mind on escape, on crafting some elaborate scheme, on defending themselves from some righteous attacker, or especially with their mind on another kill, choose to set themselves onto their hands, stick their ass in another man's lap to be spanked to red meat, and also bury their face in a bunch of pillows. It defied all reason. That simple fact alone was enough to eliminate any possibility of Shoe being the mastermind.
"Ah, but I've rambled on. Does anyone want to be a dear and tell me if I've gotten this correct? Perhaps fill me in on a few more details and let me have another sporting crack at it?" Sleuth asked with a shrug, as though anyone was going to be willing to listen to another three or four such suppositions. "Boss, you know your family. What do you think? Any of this ringing a bell?"