Rudy's Meetup Point

The back alleys of Internet City are not particularly menacing or seedy; after all, why commit crimes here, so close to the GNA and NP? Most of those hanging out back there are just looking for some peace and quiet, away from the bustle brought in by those applying for GNA sanctioned missions and others simply hanging out with friends. A navi would have to be pretty crazy to hope to commit crimes in broad daylight in this network.

Rudy was one such navi. The gender-ambiguous clown, dressed today in a sparkling gold and green jester outfit, twirled his/her short cape with boredom, although the face showed a big , toothy grin. The white make-up covering the navi's face was applied so meticulously that reading male or female would likely be impossible; the baggy jester outfit didn't help either.

"Cull the weak, cull them all week! To quell the need to cull the weak, we'll torture the meek and we'll brand the weak! On the palms or on the cheek, won't matter so long as we press and tweak... Maybe the bottom or maybe the feet..." the navi sang in a high-pitched, sing-song voice. The jester's cold, black eyes glanced this way and that, searching for a fellow jester.
60... 80.....93... 96... 98.... 99.... 99.9........................100% forming at the designated drop point, Jest strode casually through the very docile slightly reg. navi infested back alleys of netcity with the rip scythe slung lazily over his shoulder. taking in his surroundings he found that the majority of these navis were chatting just chatting to no end not a single under the table zenny transfer in sight.
"where have all the heelnavis gone?"
... thinking to himself...
I knew if i kept killing them this day would eventually come but it was just so fun... and legal!! and, and now .... this!!!...
Oh wait nope never mind I see one ... jot down IP address... check calendar ... i'll pencil your deletion in forrr.... hmmmm.... no.. i've got tea on saturday... gezz.. alright if i chug a couple cups down and take the mint wafers to go... then call up watserfaise.exe and tell her,"7 days".... wait where am i?... (looks around).. is this Space?...No, its gotta be Kmart....

"Daemon, where are we? Please don't tell me you're here to... (in a hushed tone)... Socialize with the cogs?." ignoring the blatantly reg.navist comment "... you'll obviously have to talk to somebody otherwise we're just walking around with our thumbs up our.. (seeing some..thing in the corner of the screen).. Ok fine you don't have to talk to a reg navi." Jest turned his head in the direction daemon indicated from the distance believing it to be a decently attractive female jester navi
"wow, One in a million shot Doc. Nice eye kid."
Arching green sparks of overconfidence, Jest strolled up puffing his chest and smiling... way to much. Approaching closer his smile got a little less supernatural and more of a grin.. then all at once he stopped dead in his tracks unsure what It was... he was at the precipice of no return continuing forward would be a coin toss as to the true gender of this rare specimen.
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The jester turned on his/her/its heels with speed and poise, stopping at a ninety degree angle and facing Jestergheist with one palm pressed against the alley wall, allowing her to lean. "How nice to meet another being with a vested interest in comedy! And by the looks of that scythe, perhaps you understand comedy like I do!" the navi laughed in greeting, pressing its free hand to its chin. "Comedy is rooted in the pain of others, of course. We've known that since slapstick!"

"My name is Rudy the Clown, but everybody calls me Rudy! You look like you've got a burning question. But before we get to those, let me clear up why I want you and see if you are the right fit for the job. You see, what I have here is two RoT trademarks... one is this," the navi paused, opening its free fist to reveal a small, disc-shaped novelty handbuzzer. "If you shake hands with a navi, it will search data to allow you to see some recent battle data from a navi. You can read through it if you want, but it will also be set back to me. I will directly communicate to you whether its a valid target or not. You can also make your own judgements without it if you're feeling big and cocky!"

Speaking of things that are big and cocky, let's look at the next piece. Whoopsie-doodle!" the navi giggled, reaching both hands into the front of its pants suggestively. After a brief struggle, Rudy yanked out what was thankfully just a long rod with a jester head on the end, frozen mid-laugh and wearing a red and gold cap. "This Branding Stick opens up with a press of the button near your thumb, like so," the navi continued, demonstrating by flipping a button that caused the jester to open its mouth like a snake detaching its jaw. Inside, a red hot brand reading "WEAK" gleamed.

"When you touch this to a navi's body, they will be branded forever as a weakling, the chaff of net society that is not fit for Robespierre's grace or teachings. That mark won't come off; it can even burn a lingering image into .GMOs that can even stretch in an unsightly way! This is the perfect punishment for those weaksauce time-wasters," Rudy chuckled. "You can brand them anywhere, but bonus points for anywhere really creative~ Hihihihihyukyukyuk!"

The navi's laugh sounded really genuine in a bad way, like Rudy were thrilled at the idea. Clearly this branding was their own idea. "Brand a few and I will give you your reward. I will give you a zenny bonus if you're amusing, too~" the navi cooed. "Alrighty, I'm done blabbering. How about it? Any questions? Wanna know about the RoT? Wondering how I keep my girlish figure? Want to know the location of the greatest bars in the area?" Rudy questioned, leaning forward obtrusively. "Are you wondering if I'm just crazy? Because that's a legitimate question!"
(*mind*... I can deal with crazy ... *looking the navi up and down* still unsure it might be the baggy cloths...) "hmmm..." the thought of permanently branding opponents rather than just deleting them was rather... well, ingenius actually. mostly because trying to delete a navi usually just resulted in a EJO. but this would leave a lasting impression and mostlikely create lasting enemies. Jest was intreguied and pointed to the small disk like object and said "Oh man have i got questions... where do i start...So, what exactly do you do with the information gathered from that device? what does RoT do?... how do i adjust the settings on your navi brander? and what does it take to get you into one of those local netbars? after that just point me in a dirrection, sit back, and enjoy."

*slightly delayed and in navi-op chat*
"Wait, what? did you just ask a sadistic possibly male clown to a netbar after the mission?"
"I took in the variables, ran a coin flip program, and Im betting on A scourcher under the baggy linens."
"Im closing my laptop and going for coffee after the mission if thats the case. I wont know, nor will i want to hear about it later." *staring Jest down indicating a previous conversation*
"Lots of questions! That's fine, I'll give you lots of answers and, just this once, not in the Punch and Judy format of hitting you with a club," Rudy responded, twirling on its heels and then coming into a stop in the exact same position that it had started from. "The data is pretty much just for determining whether the navi deserves to live unhampered in Robespierre's world or be branded as a weakling for loathing and/or deletion. We don't actually save that data anywhere... After all, we're looking for the weak, right? Who cares about archiving any data on them, anyways? Hihihyuk!"

"As for the RoT, I should have brought a flyer. We're the Right of Operation Templars, a faction devoted to teaching navis to grow their strength and eliminating all of those who have become complacent. The net is filled with utterly laughable wimps now, y'see? Laughable in a bad way!" the navi explained, spreading both palms. Its face was smiling, but a dark steadiness in its eyes made it obvious that the navi wasn't joking. "Jackout mechanisms! Social routines! What if humanity's history had been devoid of violence, huh? People never would have gotten stronger! A lot of humanity's greatest inventions were made from war, and what's a more powerful motivator than fear for your life, huh? Besides, don't you think that Punch and Judy woulda been boring if nobody hit each other? I sure do!"

The navi's big, smiley mouth continued to run a mile a minute. "There's no settings on the brander, silly! Hyuk! All you gotta do is flip that little button there to turn it on, flip it again to turn it off. Off has the brand inside, on has it outside. You just gotta press it to a surface for a second and you get a nice, hot tattoo! If you keep pressing it it just hurts more, which is totally fine, of course," Rudy chuckled. "As for the net bars, most places will let you in so long as you don't look like a demented, offensively dressed clown, I've heard!"

The navi didn't seem to understand the last question, interpreting the "you" as a blanket category. "Sitting down and watching sounds like exactly what I'd hoped to do! Y'see, I'm sort of on-the-list for a lot of the types that are likely to be watching for criminals, so I can't exactly walk around with a red hot poker, branding people, without raising flags. You, on the other hand, could be anybody!" Rudy exclaimed, as if he wasn't likely to draw any attention, being a murderous looking jester with a scythe. "That is, this is an undeniable opportunity to brand people without risking the freedom of one of the RoT's most beloved agents!"

"Anything else or are ya hot to trot?" the navi asked again, switching to leaning on one elbow and using the palm to prop its head. "You can head over there when you're ready," it suggested, pointing one gloved finger towards navis gathered around what looked like street performers. Thankfully, it looked like the performers were dancers rather than clowns... any more clowns and this would be a circus.
Taking the gloss over as purposeful. Jest was still in an uneven toss as to the gender, language says chick... baggy pants say, i can hide a boner... face... doesnt matter cause ive seen soooo many girly men its not even funny anymore, haha. in the end Jest decided to Impress and then digress when the mission was over and she/it(/maybe he) might think more of his mad skittles...
"Nah thats all the info i need."
Accepting both items Jest made his way towards the dancers. Getting nearrer jest decided deplomacy would most likely work best against these chat boxes and reassimilated the RIP scythe back into himself. Looking for some way to start a conversation with the cogs... compiling all the worthless junk emails and discarded .vid files of "Stomp the Yard" he had taken in and rescripted through the years. Jestergiest approched the closest dancer who seemed to be on a break between gigs. And began using the best street lingo he could compile and script over his normal lingo.

"Yo BOY!! whaz Happenin Twinkle Toes?! man i saw yur mad skillz man that shiz wuz Outta Her', man. waird U learn to move like dat? Common POUND IT!"

Extending his open palm for a slap and fist bump.
*activate data collection device*
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As the performers finished up their dance, the crowd's attention inevitably went to the big pink elephant (in this case, purple jester) in the room. The two dancers, one a strange looking robot with a body made out of cylindrical cans and a red, spinning baseball cap upon his head, regarded Jest with a blank expression. The other navi, a woman with a red jumpsuit and black dreadlocks, carried a boombox over one shoulder and looked more dubious. Altogether the crowd expressed a mixture of awe and vague amusement at the navi's greeting, which was attention-grabbing, unusual, and also seemed a bit condescending in its stereotypes.

From here it was hiding, Rudy gave a big, satisfied grin. The navi knew that nobody can resist a fist bump. "Devious! Betrayal is the best!" Rudy giggled under its breath.

The robot moved forward to offer its hand. "Greetings. I am SpinMan. Thank you for your praise," it droned in a voice that made it obvious why the other back was handling all of the music. As soon as the fists bumped, both navis felt a tiny, static shock.

"Bingo!" Rudy's voice cheered inside Jest's receivers. "These two sadsacks have never done anything in their short but miserable lives besides dancing here like idiots. Never fought a single battle, hihihyukhyuk!" The navi went silent for a second, then drew in breath. "Brand them! You can either try to get them alone to do it or you pull a hit and run. Whatever you'd rather do."
Acting almost disgusted at the fist bump. Jest took a step back, the fist he had bumped with instinctually spreading its fingers appart. this caused a few arking jolts and the Rip scythe to spontaniously form, like liquid shadows springging to life from the seams of his body.

"Man, get that weak shiz outta here! Imma show you how a real navi dances!"

Jest held the scythe backwards by head. gripping the top divider between the triangular holes. holding it in this fashion Jest used the semi-blunt end like a polearm and quickly lunged forward so that the rod was dirrectly between their heads then gave a sharp left and right jerk attempting to wack at the sides of both of their eardrums. in the midst of the undoubted confusion and possible dissorientation/concussions, Jest withdrew and prepped the brander. grabbing the scythe by its balance point in his left hend jest lowered it and glidded silently between them jabbing at both of them almost similstantaniously with the brand at mirrored locations on the sides of their necks.

Not waiting around to see an angry mob of cogs. Jest weaved through an openning in the croud. Just outside the gathering circle Jest gave the RIP scythe a little toss to readjust his hands. now grabbing it by the tip of the handle with both hands Jest gave a small half hammer toss spin and launched the scythe like a boomerang wedging it halfway up a two story building near the alleyway. then proptly sprinted and jumped at the wall, pushed of with one foot and grabbed the handle of the scythe, then set to work swinging his body back and forward on the handle. Once or twice building momentum and... sling shot himself just within range to grab onto the rooftop ledge and pull himself up and over. Jest summoned the RIP scythe back leaving a large gouge mark and flat hole in the side of the building.
Time spent looking back would be less than a keen idea as far as being identified... (yea cause they wont know who to look for ... SHH your over thinking it.. oh, yea oops) so jest continued talking to himself and jumping rooftops until he was an acceptable distance away. where he then climbed down into the alleyway again.
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If Jest had wanted to confuse the crowd and the targets, he got his wish: his actions were nothing if not incomprehensible. The dancers weren't at their peak, having just danced. Sweat flew in a messy arc from the deadlocks of the girl (understandably, none from the robot) as Jest smacked both with his scythe. After that, getting the brand on them was easy. The big, burning "WEAK" imprint that was left behind on each of their chests wouldn't do wonders for the duo's street cred...

"Wow! I'm starting to think you are crazy after all!" the voice of Rudy laughed over his receivers. "That's great, I needed a crazy guy for this! Especially cause I think that stunt put an NP officer on your tail! You might want to steer clear of her if you can. Her name is City; you'll know her cause her armor is made like skyscrapers, although she's a shortie herself. Now," the clown continued, lightening up its tone, "let's get out of that alley and to the right. Don't go left or you'll be in GNA territory, and that's a lot more dangerous than messing with ordinary Joes protected by the police, believe you me!"

To the right, Jest saw a motorcycle gang, led by a big guy with a spiked helmet and a blond handlebar moustache. "See those guys? Their leader is tough, but I'll bet the gang all rallies around that one dog! Brand as many of those guys as you can and then get away. I would give this one some thought though... If they're all on those bikes when you try to leave and they see your ambush coming, you're gonna get caught for sure. But no pressure! I'm sure they're a really nice leather-jacket motorcycle gang!" Jest's handler guffawed.

Luckily, a large building on the opposite side might provide the perfect get-away. It seemed almost purposely constructed for ease of climbing up the front and the bikers wouldn't be able to follow him up. Alternatively, he might try the alleys. There were about ten bikers to potentially brand, not counting the leader. None of them looked as tough as their boss (unless the whimsical nature of the guy's moustache offset his huge biceps in the observer's mind).
Jest knew there was no point in attempting a suprise attack against a group like this. So instead he took an alternative rought and sauntered right out into the midst of the group and stood there leaning against his scythe for what must have been the most akward silence and violent tention since the end credits of mmbn6. So as if they weren't already looking around for their blunt and steriotypicaly random instroments of destruction. Jest had the bright idea to stoke the embers a bit.
pinpointing the obviouse weak-link jest looked down at the guys bike...
"what the ..., is that an eco-bike?! seriously, what are you a dentist or something putting on your fancy biker.gmo and playing weekend roadwarrior dress-up? No joke, you dont even look like you can even give that thing a kick start."
*looking diagonally over his shoulder at the head biker*
"Seriously, where did you get these guys? they look like D-rate heel grunts or shogun errand boys, At best!"


*Achievement unlocked : new insult available "dirt bag"*
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The chosen guy, who's gleaming bald head, skinny arms, and pale skin made the dressed-up dentist assumption seem fairly accurate, responded by revving his motorcycle and scowling. "Where do you get off, huh, Clown?! Making fun of me while you're wearing that crap!" he growled in his loudest, most violent bark.

"Easy there, Slim. The guy wants something and we're gonna find out what," the big leader murmured, in a voice that was calm yet somehow overpowered the sound of motorcycles rumbling. "Even if what he wants is a dozen tire treads like zebra stripes, we can make that happen. Why don't you tell us what ya want?" he asked, fixing his lower lip tightly beneath his moustache.

"If he gives me any more bull, I'm gonna knock him flat on his back,"the dentist turned biker threatened.
Jest was silent for a few moments crossing his arms over the corner of the scythe. Jest stared unblinkingly at the mans reflective forehead with a glazed over look on his face, thinking to himself. Hmm... what do I want? actually we never really thought that one through did we?... Not unless you've been thinking where I can't see. I didn't really plan past the insults... Big Surprise. I was sort of expecting them to have shot us into the undernet by now. hmm..

Jests mouth curled and ears perked up as he snapped back into reality. "Sounds like a fair trade. Ya see I'm on a mission to find out which navis are weak and which aren't and I've just gotten done dealing with some god awful street performers and was looking to kick it up a notch. So here I am testing, *Scans his finger across the crowd* You!" Pointing his comparatively puny finger towards the big Brute of a Gang Leader. "If I can beat you in an arm wrestling contest I'll Brand you as weak and your gang has to find a new area. If I lose you can try your best at that *twirls finger in air trying to recall* ground roadkill jerky thingy."

*Private chat*
"Really?! you couldn't have just stuck with the scrawny dentist? You had to go calling out the Hulking Biker?!"
"Its fine i've got this all planned out. Just watch and Be astounded as the Amazing JesterGiest makes the Giant Cry!"
"Now here's the problem with your game, Son," the big guy drawled, leaning across his motorcycle's front and crossing both his arms. "No leverage. If we all want to run you over for whatever reason, we'll just do it. So how about this: if you win, sure, I'll take your brand or what not. If I win, we may or may not choose to turn y'into skid marks on the tile, but before that, you'll have to tell us who gave you this mission and where we can find em. Deal?"

He punctuated his sentence by calling over another gang member on a motorcycle, who left it parked so that the bikes touched face to face. He put one meaty arm up and rested his elbow on the center between the giant handlebars, signalling for Jest to take the other seat and do the same. "Let's shake on it."
Cocking his head back Jest gave a glance towards the alley way in thought. "Meh, It was probly a Dude anyway you'll just save me the time, laybor and disposal." Jest took a few strides then stepped up onto the motorcycle and Stood there for a moment. Then Plopped down akwardly on the seat propping his elbow between the handle bars.
Daemon was out of his comfort zone at this point franticly trying to find something to do about the situation... "Your going to get snapped like a freaking TWIG!!! Why doesn't that bother you?!!" *sifting quickly through the chip Deck* "Dang navi cant just have a normal fight gotta go having hair brained ideas without informing me... no, no..." "Hey OPPY! Just wanted to let you know, I can hear you *In a hushed tone* and you sound insane. need to lay of the Gamers Crack 'ight?" Daemon continues on unphased "Why isnt there a Super Buff arm Chip or something?!" "yea your scaring me imma just turn your volume down." *Still seen throwing papers off the desk and pulling empty pockets inside out* "This is it im gonna break my navi... again... Wait, aHA!!!" Finally finding the chip he was looking for, Daemon turned back towards the laptop to find he had been muted and that the contest was about to start. Daemon slid the chip in just as they were about to touch.

Slot in [Rageclaw1]