Dentech University Tour

Burt had run off for the navi program shop as quickly as he could, hoping to escape work following his successful mission for Professor Rowan. However, before he could get into relaxation, the damnable department head had called him back for his absence. The operator wasn't in a teaching mood; having just received word that his new SP would be arriving soon, he had rushed back to his house to grab the package, checked on Jerry and Joey, then returned to work.

After all, his class = religion = Counterinfectualism = virus busting! There wouldn't be anything wrong with goofing around on the net, right?

At first he headed for his classroom, but he quickly realized that his students wouldn't give him any peace after he'd blown them off for so long. Instead of rationally going in to apologize to them, he decided he'd leave that for later and chill in front of the visitor's lounge, where nobody who would know him would ever hang out. The only people there would be a few workers he'd barely ever seen, some student introduction parties, and incoming students who were curious about the school.

Finding a comfy chair and kicking his feet up, Burt settled in and started fiddling with his PET. "Alright, Exxy! Bhikkhuni! It's time to meet your newest sister! This time I double-checked to make sure the portrait matched up with several sources on the SP, so I'm certain I didn't get tricked and purchase another flat-chested support program!" he announced proudly, placing one fist against the chest of his sweater.

"Oh? Really? Wow! Great! Because you know how I can't stand having someone to relate to! I have to be surrounded by women with huge boobs all the time, or we won't really be testing my Buddhist traits of peace and acceptance, right?!" Bhikkhuni ranted, waving her shakujo angrily through the air. "Maybe I should give up Buddhism and start investigating some religion that lets me put a plague on this guy!"

"Now now, Bhikkhuni, be nice," Burt snorted, pushing his glasses up upon the bridge of his nose with two fingers. "You'll like her. She's supposedly real friendly."

Pouting, the SP crossed her arms and went to sulk by herself. Exorcist gulped, feeling anxious. It was always somewhat alarming to think that the new SPs she met would be living in the same space with her from that point onward. Seeing her new SP would really be like meeting a new sister. "I'm looking forward to it," she mentioned with a smile. Before she could prepare any further, however, Mary made her appearance.

Unlike the boisterous Bhikkhuni, however, the new SP held an air of maturity and civility. She smiled and waved simply at Exorcist, who ran forward to bow and greet her. "My, a navi bowing to an SP? It'll be nice to have such an appreciative master," she chuckled.

Exorcist seemed somewhat surprised. The words seemed to have something of Bhikkhuni's attitude: basically, unfamiliarity with being an SP. Perhaps Mary had also been a navi at some point? "It's nice to meet you, Mary. I like your hair! It's so bright and pretty," she commented, pointing towards the glistening pink locks showing just beneath Mary's hood.

The SP gave an elegant laugh. "Why thank you. I'll be forthright; I'm hear training as an SP to help me along the road of becoming a better Catholic. I don't feel that I'm currently able to respond to God's word as readily as I should... and furthermore, I've led a sinful life. I'm here to repent by helping you all spread your message," she replied calmly, keeping her hands folded in front of her.

"Oh? Awesome! Above and beyond! You're going to help us get Counterinfectualism out there?" Burt exclaimed, astounded at his good luck.

Mary looked confused; her eyebrows tilted for just a moment, then returned to their usual calm look. "Oh, er... I assumed you were Catholics... since you requested to have a nun help you spread your message. Still, I'll be willing to help you all the same. Please, tell me more about your beliefs," she requested. Exorcist had a quick heart to heart with her about Counterinfectualism while Bhikkhuni went off by herself and talked with Burt.

"Are you really going to do all that messed up stuff you do to her? Huh? She's a nun! And such a classy woman! You can't treat her like a kid or a toy like you do me and Exorcist!" she grunted irritably.

"For one thing, I've never treated you that way, Bhikkhuni. You don't exactly have the body or charm points for it. Secondly, she's here to serve me, riiiight? She's already basically adopted Counterinfectualism! It's all about creating happiness. I think she'll do whatever I say," Burt admitted brazenly, tossing his greasy black hair over one shoulder and looking triumphant. "Equal treatment's best anyways, right? Your master will get embarrassed if it's just her! Having you guys go through the same motions will be for the best in the end!"

Bhikkhuni sighed and shook her head. "Really, doesn't it seem like some basic part of your religion is supposed to be making things happy for everyone? Why does that mean you can treat us like dress up dolls?" she groaned.

"It's all part of world happiness. If other guys could see you girls, I'm sure they'd be happy too! The net happiness created just in me is already overflowing! Nya ha ha ha!" he cackled, then returned his focus to Mary. "So, are you willing to adopt Counterinfectualism and aid me?"

"Of course. I gave a promise, after all. I'll enjoy serving Counterinfectualism for now," she replied, imitating Exorcist's earlier bow.

"Wow! It'll be great to have someone like you along, Mary... I've been a little worried, having to set an example for Bhikkhuni," Exorcist admitted, tugging her hat down in embarrassment. "You seem so calm and composed... I'm sure we'll all get along great!"

Nodding and smiling in an aloof way, Burt busied himself with some new programs...
Chris stepped onto the campus of the school, taking in the sights and sounds of college life. There were a few people dotting the walkways, mostly students and faculty members, Chris assumed, but everybody seemed to be busy doing something or going somewhere. He was looking around for a directory, so he could locate the visitor's center, when he heard a ringing coming from his pocket. He pulled out his PET, and Nitro immediately began asking questions.

"Where are we? What're we doing here? Why didn't you tell me earlier?" the Navi inquired rapid-fire.

"We're at Dentech U," Chris replied. "Mom and Dad have been on my case about post-secondary education, so I thought I might as well come here and get them off my case." He located a directory, and started scanning it for the visitor's center. Eventually, he found what he was looking for, and headed off toward the building, which happened to be close by. Nitro was about to launch into an inquiry about why he couldn't blow it off and go busting when his SP interrupted.

"I think it's good that you're thinking about you're education," Tina said, brushing hair out of her face. "Have you considered what you might want to take?"

"Probably something to do with game design," Chris said, walking up towards the visitor's lounge. "But I was kind of thinking about some sort of Religious Studies course for a minor." Chris found a seat to sit in while he talked to his Navi and SP. There was a tall guy with long hair sitting about ten feet away fiddling with his PET, but Chris didn't pay him much mind.

"Really?" Nitro said, surprised. "Didn't take you for the religious type, Chris."

"Well, I'm not, really," Chris said. "But religion as a whole is sort of interesting. It's sort of fascinated me how people can let something with so little hard evidence shape their lifestyle. Of course, you'd never see me getting swept into some religion like that. I don't like the idea of some big invisible old guy calling the shots."
Burt had finished inputting his new .GMOs and signatures for his navi and SPs just as Chris arrived. Being a shameless man, the teacher did nothing to hide the fact that he'd blatantly eavesdropped on the conversation between Chris and his navi. Waving one hand to get the student's attention, he gave a coy smile. "Here's the problem: you're thinking of stuffy old religions you have no need to believe in! Why not get behind the one true religion: Counterinfectualism? In Counterinfectualism, the only big invisible old guy calling all of the shots is you!" he explained, pointing one invasive finger in Chris's direction.

"Is that really a good way to get new people? You make it all sound so abstract," Bhikkhuni sighed. Exorcist attempted to shush her, but Mary spoke up as well.

"Such a bold stance you've taken against other religions, Burt! What makes you so certain yours is the correct one?" Mary asked, tilting her head slightly.

"Well, you believe in what you experience, right? I've had visions! Experiences on a higher plain! I know for 100% certain that Counterinfectualism's the way to go," he laughed cockily, crossing his arms across his chest. "Anyways, new guy, don't go for that religious studies as a minor crap. Counterinfectualism could be your new life's goal! Why don't you spend a little while with me and my navi and we'll show you everything this religion has to offer. Did I mention my navi's hot? And that her SPs.... er.... one of them.... is also hot? It's a definite winning situation for you!"

Bhikkhuni tensed her eyebrows irritably. "Come on, Burt! That's not a nice way to treat Mary, after she just agreed to take on your stupid religion! She's not that old-looking, anyways, I'm sure she couldn't me more than..." the SP rambled on as Exorcist sighed and patted Mary's shoulder in condolence. Mary simply gave another humored chuckle and didn't seem to mind as much as Exorcist thought she would in her SP's shoes.
"Counterinfectualism?" Chris said, looking over to Burt as he proudly made his claims of his religion's superiority. "Huh, never heard of it."

"It's probably just some scam to get money out of saps that want some easy way to enlightenment," Nitro offered. "Either that, or this guy's just off his nut."

"That's not fair, Nitro," Tina interjected. "What would you say if someone dismissed your beliefs as some insane rant? I think we should at least listen to this man's-" Tina stopped as Burt made the comment regarding his Navi and SP's attractiveness. "...Nope, this man is a pig, just ignore him."

"Now hold on there, Tina," Chris said. "I might as well give him a chance. He can't be that bad if they're letting him on the premesis. Besides, he could probably show me around. Maybe he works here or something." Chris turned back to Burt. "Alright, I'll give your 'Counterinfectualism' thing a chance. Just a fair warning though, it'll take a lot more than dangling a couple of girls, programs or otherwise, in front of me to sway my opinion. I'm Chris, by the way." He added. "So, do you just hang around here trying to convert impressionable youth or what?"

Tina merely huffed as Chris talked to the man. She couldn't believe he was wasting his time with a man like him.
"My name is Burt J. Blanchard; I'm the foremost authority on religious studies here at Dentech University," the teacher stated proudly, standing up now and keeping his arms crossed over his puffed-out chest. "Well, lately, people aren't giving the respect I deserve. I tell you, preach the stuff they give you and you're a genius and opinion leader, but come up with your own material and suddenly you're a lowlife! Still, I'm a working professor."

"Psh! Define working," Bhikkhuni scolded him, but was mostly ignored.

Laughing, Burt pushed one hand into his pocket and ran his other down his scarf. "You say that so confidently, but maybe you don't realize that these girls you talk about are my perfect disciples of Counterinfectualism? You've never met programs like these before!" he proclaimed with confidence. "Exorcist, my star pupil and most devout servant! Bhikkhuni, a converted Buddhist! Mary, a former nun who has now devoted her body and mind to my purposes!"

Exorcist shook her head rapidly, seeing that Bhikkhuni and Mary could easily be very offended by those statements. Bhikkhuni obviously was, although if Mary shared those sentiments, she wasn't displaying them.

"If your mind is open and your heart is willing, I can take you straight into Counterinfectualist studies. Jack in to this public use guest terminal with me in the lobby and my girls will show you the ropes! The road to becoming a good Counterinfectualist is paved with dead virus bodies," he explained, patting a nearby terminal gently with one hand. "I'll go on in first~"

((Jacking in to Dentech Net))
Chris was standing now, and he gave a small smirk as Burt proudly listed off his Navi and Support Programs' names. "Well, you've got showmanship, I'll give you that," Chris said. He crossed his arms over his chest, and continued. "When it comes to exceptional programs, though, I think you'll find that Nitro and TNT, my navi and SP, set the bar pretty high."

Nitro wasn't paying much attention to the conversation, despite the praise his operator was giving him. When he heard the words "dead virus bodies", however, his interest was instantly grabbed.

"Awesome!" Nitro said. "A chance to blow something up! And here I thought that today was going to be all about listening to old farts talking about how 'you should choose Dentech University to further your education'."

"Alright then, Professor," Chris said, walking over to the terminal. "Looks like we're in. Let's see if your Counterinfectualism's able to handle the likes of Team Bomber!"

((Jack in to Dentech Net))
Chris slumped down in his seat, sighing as Nitro returned to the PET, appearing on the top screen, while Tina was recovering on the one below. Chris looked over to Burt, and chuckled.

"Welp, that sure was something, huh?" He said with a chuckle. He stood up, and gave his back a crack. "That was fun. I'd definitely like to bust with you again sometime, why don't you drop me a line sometime?" Chris took out a small pad of paper and a pen, and scrawled out his email address. He handed the paper to Burt, and contiued.

"Drop me a line when and if you decide to join up with a family." Chris walked over to a small display sitting by the door, and took a brochure for the university. With a wave, Chris exited the visitor's center. He kept silent as he left the campus, letting his partners rest after their long, strenuous fight. He got on the transit for ACDC.
Burt smiled as Mary, Bhikkhuni, and Exorcist all popped back into the relative safety of his PET. "That was dangerous, girls, but we got something very nice out of all of this," he informed the three girls with a big smile, straightening up his glasses as he switched them all out of their school uniforms and back in to their regular outfits.

"A splitting headache? Cause that's what I got out of it," Bhikkhuni moaned, holding her hat to her head.

"New friends?" Exorcist asked with a cheery smile.

"Pff, okay, sure, friends. We actually kinda failed there, cause they're just friends and not actually converts. More importantly, I learned of a good line into resources that we can use to further the causes of Counterinfectualism! Things might get a little hairy; I'm going to have to ask you guys to go in to dangerous work..." Burt explained, trying to put all of his complex thoughts into words.

"It's okay, Burt. Even if it's more demons like Cerberus, we'll handle them to the best of our ability!" Exorcist assured him with an energetic fist-pump.

Burt shook his head, then leaned his head on his fist, trying to think of how to phrase things in such a way that his navi wouldn't hate him for it. "See, the Mafia has a lot of resources, right? And in a roundabout way, they sort of support our idea of personal utopias, riiight? So I'm thinking we ought to join the Mafia. I did a little research, and they-"

"Wait, what?!" Bhikkhuni exclaimed, interrupting her master. Burt took a drink of his soda while he waited for her to calm down, showing that he wouldn't continue until he could be uninterrupted. Grumbling, she settled into silence.

"The research showed me that the Mafia has a department specialized towards spreading propaganda. Perhaps, with the use of their resources, we can spread the message of Counterinfectualism far and wide!" he suggested with excitement.

Exorcist looked aghast at her operator, shaking her head in opposition. "But if we use their means to spread it, then Counterinfectualism might become synonymous with the Mafia!" she protested. "I think that's anything but good PR for us!"

"Think about it this way, Exxy: people wouldn't be in the mafia at all if it wasn't profitable towards their own goals, right? There are few absolute evils in this world. If we can ride along with the Mafia for a while to spread our word, I'd call it a crime against Counterinfectualism to let the chance go by," he argued, although it sounded less like he was discussing and more like he'd already made up his mind.

Bhikkhuni's eyes glittered, thinking of all of the perks that the Mafia could bring them. Was it alright to think about those types of things? Well, as they say, one often walks the path of temptation before reaching enlightenment and purity. She'd just have to take a little stop to rest on the temptation path. "It sounds good to me; besides, the Mafia's almost like a lifestyle choice now, riiiight?" she asked, mimicking Burt's trademark line in a silly voice.

"Riiight!" Burt replied, sharing a good laugh with his often estranged SP.

Mary giggled along with them, then smiled to Exorcist. "Why don't we give it a try? The very idea seems to have lifted their spirits. The Mafia may be a criminal organization, but they're fairly above the table now in terms of how they're treated publicly. Besides, we have no God to disgrace, do we? I don't believe that Counterinfectualism has any code of conduct advising against the Mafia," the pink-haired SP offered.

As she thought about it more and more, Exorcist realized that none of her principles necessarily disagreed with belonging to a criminal organization (well, unless she had to kill someone; she'd probably object to that). "I-I guess we can give it a try. It's not some sort of organization where they'll threaten you if you try to get out, is it? Like, leaving horse's heads lying around and so forth?"

"Naaaw! I'm sure they're pretty nice once you give them a chance! People who are honest about their interests are the best kind, trust me!" Burt laughed. "Let's get on it right away!"

And so, Burt advertised his plan to join the criminal organization while sitting in the school's guest lobby, then proceeded to log in to go put the plan into action.
To Exorcist, Bhikkhuni, and Mary, the quest to join the Mafia had been an arduous one, but one that left them mostly unharmed (with the exception of Bhikkhuni, who was still nursing the bruises on her buttocks). The tole in the real world, however, was much worse. A trail of wreckage, destruction, and public property vandalism lay in the wake of Professor Burt J. Blanchard, who had fought every bit as hard as his navis to stay in the game.

The coffee table where Burt had propped his feet earlier was now smashed into bits, having succumbed to the professor's might stomp. A smashed Net-Cola can, bent beyond recognition, lay at the bottom of the rubble. The can's contents bubbled on the tile of the floor, trailing away from this site in a brown stream eerily reminiscent of the trail of blood from a hidden murder victim.

The shock and confusion of the room's inhabitants was palpable. Burt was ordinarily considered to be crazy, but not violently so. This time, however, he'd managed to destroy school property and even lay an unintentional beat-down on one of his would-be rescuers, a fellow teacher. He'd clung to his PET feverishly the whole time, but at the end, had looked strangely at peace... for just a few moments, before spouting two tremendous streams of blood from either nostril. After that, he'd promptly fallen back onto the tile and passed out.


As he came to, Burt believed that he saw an angel hovering above his head. Was it Exorcist, naked as she'd been before he passed out? "Aaah... my perfect angel~" he cooed, reaching out towards her with grabby hands, specifically towards her breasts.

"No, no! It's me! Jerry!" cried a familiar voice, instantly disrupting his illusion. Quickly, Burt realized that he'd begun to grope his niece's underdeveloped breasts in public; he promptly quit doing so, sitting up and coughing into one fist. Even now, though, his vision was blurry. Apparently, he'd lost his glasses somewhere in the entire accident. "Uncle, this is stupid! We actually had to come up here to check on you, our intended guardian, because you passed out while having some sort of fit of insanity! Do you want to be taken to the looney bin?!"

Burt's concerns weren't really with Jerry, or Joey, whom he'd just noticed. His thoughts lied primarily on his navi and her SPs; primarily, whether or not they were properly dressed now. He really wanted to turn on his PET and take a little peek, but without his glasses, he doubted he could get much out of it regardless. "Where's my glasses?" he asked, his pretty blue eyes blinking rapidly as he tried to adjust to the light.

Jerry sighed, smiling slightly. She felt like she almost preferred a vulnerable, needy Burt to a disgusting, bachelor-like one, but at the same time realized it'd be detrimental to everyone not to return his glasses. "Alright, alright. Here you go! You're blind enough about your religion without having these," she joked, sticking them back on his face.

Her caretaker's big, stupid grin returned as his vision was finally restored. "There we go! And... what about my scarf?"

"Oh, it was covered in Net-Cola. It's pretty much ruined, I don't think you'd want it..."

"Psh, I spill cola on this thing all the time!" he laughed, taking it from her hands and wrapping it back around his neck without a care for the fact that it was now stained half brown. He cared a little bit more when he heard the wet smack of the wool hitting his back, but shrugged and carried on. "How was school, Joey?"

"Pretty good, Uncle Butt. We... We talked about gettin' a job," he sniffled, staring at Burt anxiously with his precious, earnest eyes.

"Good, good! It's great that you and Jerry can pursue careers without being sexually harassed by a biker-gang maniac that transforms into smoke, duplicates himself, and tears the clothes off of people!" he affirmed, already up from his seat and on the way to get a Net-Cola. The two of them stared at him blankly, beginning to wonder if he really was going crazy. "Come on, guys! We gotta get back home and I need to stop by the upgrade shop first. If there's one thing this whole ordeal made me realized, it's that Exorcist has to get a heck of a lot stronger... for everyone's health! Maybe even my own," the professor chuckled, rubbing the back of his head.

After grabbing another soda, the motley crew of professor and distant relatives left the lobby, exiting before Professor Darwin could ask them to pay for the table Burt had destroyed.

((To Scilabs))