DC Tales - We got problems!!
You can't make this stuff up!
These give us food for thought.
A DC airport ticket agent offers 12 examples of 'why' our country is in
trouble!
1.. I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman (Carol Shea-Porter) ask for an
aisle seat so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the
window. (On an airplane?)
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2. I got a call from a Kansas Congressman's (Moore) staffer (Howard
Bauleke), who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of
the flight and the passport information, and then he interrupted me with,
''I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts
Without trying to make him look stupid, I calmly explained, '' Cape Cod is
in Massachusetts , Capetown is in Africa.''
His response -- click.
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3. A senior Vermont Congressman (Bernie Sanders) called, furious about a
Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in
Orlando . He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain
that's not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state.
He replied, 'don't lie to me, I looked on the map and Florida is a very
thin state!'' (OMG)
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4. I got a call from a lawmaker's wife (Landra Reid) who asked, ''Is it
possible to see England from Canada ?''
I said, ''No.''
She said, ''But they look so close on the map.'' (OMG, again!)
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5.An aide for a cabinet member (Janet Napolitano) once called and asked if
he could rent a car in Dallas . I pulled up the reservation and noticed he
had only a 1-hour layover in Dallas . When I asked him why he wanted to
rent a car, he said, ''I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will need
a car to drive between gates to save time.'' (Aghhhh)
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6.An Illinois Congresswoman (Jan Schakowsky) called last week. She needed
to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:30
a.m., and got to Chicago at 8:33 a.m.
I explained that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois , but she couldn't
understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane went
fast, and she bought that.
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7. A New York lawmaker, (Jerrold Nadler) called and asked, ''Do airlines
put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage
belongs to whom?'' I said, 'No, why do you ask?'
he replied, ''Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on
my luggage that said (FAT), and I'm overweight. I think that's very
rude!''
After putting him on hold for a minute, while I looked into it. (I was
dying laughing). I came back and explained the city code for Fresno , Ca.
is (FAT - Fresno Air Terminal), and the airline was just putting a
destination tag on his luggage..
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8. A Senator John Kerry aide (Lindsay Ross) called to inquire about a trip
package to Hawaii . After going over all the cost info, she asked, ''Would
it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii ?''
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9. I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman, Bobby Bright (D)
from Ala who asked, ''How do I know which plane to get on?''
I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, ''I was told my
flight number is 823, but none of these planes have numbers on them.''
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10. Senator Dianne Feinstein (D)
called and said, ''I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola , Florida . Do I have to
get on one of those little computer planes?''
I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola , FL on a commuter plane.!
She said, ''Yeah, whatever, smarty!''
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11. Mary Landrieu (D) La. Senator called and had a question about the
documents she needed in order to fly to China . After a lengthy discussion
about passports, I reminded her that she needed a visa. 'Oh, no I don't.
I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those.''
I double checked and sure enough, her stay required a visa. When I told
her this she said, ''Look, I've been to China four times and every time
they have accepted my American Express!''
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12. A New Jersey Congressman (John Adler) called to make reservations, ''I
want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York .''
I was at a loss for words. Finally, I said, ''Are you sure that's the name
of the town?''
'Yes, what! flights do you have?'' replied the man.
After some searching, I came back with, ''I'm sorry, sir, I've looked up
every airport code in the country and can't find a rhino anywhere."
''The man retorted, ''Oh, don't be silly! Everyone knows where it is.
Check your map!''
So I scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, ''You
don't mean Buffalo , do you?''
The reply? ''Whatever! I knew it was a big animal.''
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Now you know why the Government is in the shape that it's in!
YES , THEY WALK AMONG US, ARE IN POLITICS, AND THEY CONTINUE TO BREED .
(Who voted for these idiots?)
Like manure, you just gotta spread this around.
Random Chat (NEW!!!) V.1
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They're making a live action Fairly Odd Parents movie.
Timmy's going to be 23
AND STILL IN THE FIFTH GRADE
Go google this thing, I'm on my Wii and can't post a link.
Timmy's going to be 23
AND STILL IN THE FIFTH GRADE
Go google this thing, I'm on my Wii and can't post a link.
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Nature's Logic
Two great white sharks, swimming in the ocean, spied a ship in distress.
"Follow me, son," the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the ship.
"First we swim around the people in the water with just the tip of our fins showing."
And they did.
"Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing."
And they did.
"Now we eat everybody."
And they did.
When they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just eat them all at first? Why did we swim around and around them?"
His wise father replied, "Because they taste better without the shit inside!"
Two great white sharks, swimming in the ocean, spied a ship in distress.
"Follow me, son," the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the ship.
"First we swim around the people in the water with just the tip of our fins showing."
And they did.
"Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing."
And they did.
"Now we eat everybody."
And they did.
When they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just eat them all at first? Why did we swim around and around them?"
His wise father replied, "Because they taste better without the shit inside!"
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Never Underestimate English of a Chinese
Ah Lek was asked to make a sentence using 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9,10.
Not only did he do it 1 to 10, he did it again from 10 back to 1. This is
what he came up with.....
1 day I go 2 climb a 3 outside a house to peep. But the couple saw me, so
I panic and 4 down. The man rushed out and wanted to 5 with me. I ran until
I fell 6 and threw up. So I go into 7-eleven and grabbed some 8 to throw at
him. Then I took a 9 and try to stab at him. 10 God he run away.
10 I put the 9 back and pay for the 8 and left 7-eleven. Next day I called
my boss and told him I was 6. He said 5 , tomorrow also no need to come
back 4 work. He also asked me to go climb a 3 and jump down! I don't
understand. I am so nice 2 him but I don't know what he 1.
Ah Lek was asked to make a sentence using 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9,10.
Not only did he do it 1 to 10, he did it again from 10 back to 1. This is
what he came up with.....
1 day I go 2 climb a 3 outside a house to peep. But the couple saw me, so
I panic and 4 down. The man rushed out and wanted to 5 with me. I ran until
I fell 6 and threw up. So I go into 7-eleven and grabbed some 8 to throw at
him. Then I took a 9 and try to stab at him. 10 God he run away.
10 I put the 9 back and pay for the 8 and left 7-eleven. Next day I called
my boss and told him I was 6. He said 5 , tomorrow also no need to come
back 4 work. He also asked me to go climb a 3 and jump down! I don't
understand. I am so nice 2 him but I don't know what he 1.
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It has been so long that I assumed I was over it. I thought I had moved on, but a single dream and the regret I feel was a hawk savaging a wound I thought closed long ago. It was winter in some city, the night sky dominated by skyscrapers and their bright lights replaced the stars. We stood in some park, hanging from the monkey bars though our feet were firmly planted on the ground.
While hanging, we were almost the same height and our eyes were fixed on each other. Mine a nebulous blue-grey while hers were a magnificent light blue. I lost myself in her eyes while she was busy telling me how happy she was. She was getting married to some man I didn't know. They were going to have a child. Each word was a knife in my flesh, but I smiled and nodded, not wanting my pain to mar her happiness.
She never knew how much I loved her. I don't think I really even knew the depths of it. I was too frightened. Too weak. I allowed the chance to be part of her happiness, to be the cause of her happiness, to slip through my grasp and it was gone forever. It is a haunting sort of sorrow. The kind that lingers after memory fades and leaves you depressed without really knowing why. Though it takes just one spark to ignite the fires and bring it all back.
While hanging, we were almost the same height and our eyes were fixed on each other. Mine a nebulous blue-grey while hers were a magnificent light blue. I lost myself in her eyes while she was busy telling me how happy she was. She was getting married to some man I didn't know. They were going to have a child. Each word was a knife in my flesh, but I smiled and nodded, not wanting my pain to mar her happiness.
She never knew how much I loved her. I don't think I really even knew the depths of it. I was too frightened. Too weak. I allowed the chance to be part of her happiness, to be the cause of her happiness, to slip through my grasp and it was gone forever. It is a haunting sort of sorrow. The kind that lingers after memory fades and leaves you depressed without really knowing why. Though it takes just one spark to ignite the fires and bring it all back.
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It's cool to see that we've had an influx of new members recently, but I wish they'd spend more time around the chat.
Then again, the fact that the chat is 90% of the way I keep in touch with the forum is maybe just a personal problem.
Then again, the fact that the chat is 90% of the way I keep in touch with the forum is maybe just a personal problem.
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The fact that this threadchat seems to have been dead for over a year until you posted may have something to do with it.
