(Heh, just found this old writing I did. Posted in the hopes of spurring on a chuckle. Page one.)


By Polagwop Ditheroo Riddlin Dosslewap

It has been agreed upon by this point that we, and by that I mean both the Dosslewaps and the Higgolos, have been here, and by here I of course mean the great mushroom Purplecaps, all of this stated in the belief that beyond our sight lies something else, such as the much speculated Omacaps, that we have been here a very, very long time. Just how long we cannot know, as our forefathers lacked the insight to make meaningful and long lasting documentation, such as this particular piece of work.

This work of writing also moves forward in the knowledge that both the Higgolos and Dosslewaps agree that at sometime between the first documented works, either '25 Fun Ways to Skip a Lur-Toad' or 'Omalopalo', each a contribution by the Dosslewaps and Higgolos, respectively, although which came first is a matter of further speculation and argument, that between the first documented works and that very, very long time ago that there was a Dosslewap or Higgolo of extraordinary intelligence and ability. This is all agreed upon based off of old tales of both clans of a Dosslewap or Higgolo whose name has long been lost to our culture, but in the hopes of simplifying a long, large, and tedious account of this loss of a name many Dosslewap and Higgolo have labeled this ancient Dosslewap or Higgolo as 'Bob', that 'Bob' got very tired of not knowing what to call his fellow Dosslewaps and Higgolos and in fact got rather bored of not knowing what to call himself.

Based off of various Dosslewap tales, it is said that 'Bob' one day exclaimed, "I am a Dosslewap!" and all of the other Dosslewaps agreed that that was a very fine name for what they were, that being Dosslewaps. However, a good many Higgolos said that they could not be a Dosslewap and that the notion was absolutely ridiculous as they were obviously Higgolos, and all the other Higgolos agreed. Of course, based off of Higgolo tales, it is said that 'Bob' claimed that he was a Higgolo and that the Dosslewaps were the ones who objected to being called Higgolos. It is agreed by both parties, however, that some short time later there was a Higgolo or Dosslewap who stood and said, "But I'm a Grumbosh!" at which point someone around him slapped him upside the head and said that he was being very foolish since he was obviously a Dosslewap, which was further contested by another individual who shouted that he was most definitely a Higgolo, but both parties agreed that he was certainly not a Grumbosh because that would just be silly.

This particular tale has led to the fairly successful insult, "Well now look at him, he's acting like a regular old Grumbosh," at which point all present should point and laugh at the individual or else find themselves in a rather awkward position with the possible end result of being ostracized by society, because if you can't laugh at a good Grumbosh joke well then what good are you?